I've seen the benefits of reconsilliation, and despirately want it. It's been a year now since the affair was uncovered. He left her, came back home, and then left again. I know he has contact with her, and I suspect it is because of her that he is "bent" on divorce this time.<P>Maybe I'm wrong...<P>With both have the opinion that our marriage was "not that bad", but apparently he feels there is better out there.<P>I'm trying to let go, but it is really hard.<P>I guess my question is this...."Has anyone ever recovered from this point?" I feel like I'm almost at a state of no return and I want to get "unstuck" from this position of waiting for him to return. I want to go on with my life, but I'm scared he will eventually come to his senses and realize what he had with us.<P>If divorce is the inevitable...I want to accept it. It is just this not knowing that makes me crazy. How do you know it is over?

You can't know. Even if you get divorced you can't know. Even if your X marries someone else, you can't know (since second marriages don't tend to last when lessons weren't learned from the first marriage).<P>I'm afraid this is one of those situations where the only way to "know" is to make a decision.<P>Fortunately, though, there are lots of ways to get on with your life without closing the door.<BR>

Dear Rachel, <P>If you still have feelings for your husband, then get the book "Surviving an Affair", and get phone counseling with the Harleys. <BR>You owe it to your marriage and yourself to try to save it. But without a plan, it may be futile. Get a plan in place, and follow through. Otherwise you will be filled withe regrets about what if. <P>------------------<BR>Susan