My wife just called and told me that she will be bringing the kids to me tomorrow. What should I say or how should I act when I see her? What would be the best way to spend the littlt time that I have with my kids?<BR>I asked her if she had a boyfriend and told her that I would rather here it from her than from my kids. She told me no and then hung up. How can I not push her farther away?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by wantmyfamtogether:<BR><B>How can I not push her farther away?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I don't know your situation, but I can tell you this: <I>I</I> spent <I>way</I> too much time agonizing over what I should or should not say and do in order to avoid pushing my wife further away. It took me <I>way</I> too long to realize that I was not responsible for her reactions. I was only responsible for doing the <I>right</I> thing, and doing it in as loving a manner as possible. The rest is between her and God.<P>Of course, figuring out the right thing to say or do isn't exactly easy either...<BR>

Decide what will be *best* for the *kids* to see (your action, best guess on wife's probable reaction). Then do accordingly.

Boy, you are in a delicate situation. First, you need to remember that your first priority and responsibility is to the safety of your children. If I remember correctly, you go to court regarding custody at the end of this week, don't you? Well, at least she has contacted you, you know they are all alive and well, and you get to see them! However, I bet the temptation to "steal them back" is huge, huh?<P>Since the safety of your kids is #1, and since you don't have a definitive custody order in place, I'd say for now you have to play along with her so she does not run away again--maybe this time for good. That sucks! Anyway, for now I think I'd be as civil as you can be, don't rattle her cage too much, and wait a few days to be aggressive in court. <P>When you do have the kids, I think I would hug the stuffing out of them, let them know that you missed them, put any kind of work or responsibility down and play with them, and if they're old enough, make sure they know how to call you or call 911. I am so sorry to have to say this to you, but since she bolted once, it is conceivable she'll bolt again, and the kids need to know how to call you or how to call 911 if they are kidnapped. <BR>Sorry {{{{{{{{{{wantmyfamtoghether}}}}}}}<P>Last but not least, as far as not pushing her farther away, I would say for now to let nature takes it's course a little. What I mean is that right now you need to be totally focused on being with your kids and making sure they are safe. As best as you can, be civil and friendly, but I think if you keep your mind on being dad and on being with your kids, you will neither bring her closer or push her away, and in the end, that's good.<P>Good luck. You're family is in my prayers!<P>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Hi WMFT,<P>that is good news.<BR>I agree 200% with CJ, just concentrate on what is best for your children. Say hello to her, and then show your kids how much you've missed them, and how much you love them.<P>For my part, what works best with my ex-h is a 'friendly' civil hello, and that's it. If he chooses to continue with small talk, I do too. If not, I don't. I let him "rule" the conversation.<P>At this delicate stage, it may well be best to let her "rule" your conversation also. Be guided by her. And definitely DO NOT ask questions about her personal life. They do not like that.... (for some strange reason!!)<BR>And her response of "it's none of your business" will only hurt you. I say that from LOTS of experience!!!!!!!! It will kill you, but you must not ask questions.<P>You need to focus on that court hearing, and on not doing anything to make her run again.<P>Keep your chin up, and take some care of you.<P>big hugs your way<P>Jo