I havent posted in a couple of months but I have been lurking. Im new to this post and I find myself in the worst time of my life. The year 2000 was definately the worst for me and it seems to only get worse. My Hubby and I have been together 11 years now. His first marriage, my second. Our problems was that I was always jeaolous and suspicious, because my first hubby had many affairs and hurt me and I carried that into my second marriage. I have been like that, but then I started to change about 2 years ago, but by then I started seeing that my hubby didnt pay attention to me, and didnt hardly ever wanted to have sex with me. However I tried to hold on and even more last year that I became pregnant and we now have a 4 month old baby. I hate myself for saying this, but I hate the way he pays attention to our baby and totally ignores me. It has gotten so bad that this is all he tells me.<BR>I dont have any feelings for you anymore.<BR>You messed it all up for us and I cant go back to the way it was.<BR>I dont care about your feelings, <BR>Im so glad there is only a few more hours so i can go to work and not have to see you all day.<BR>You are just a bother<BR>I am only here because of the baby<BR>I feel sorry for you<BR>I asked him if there is someone else but he always says no.<BR>However I notice how he goes to work and tries to look his best, but when he is going to be with me he doesnt even care about personal hygene. Im dying inside and my heart is bleeding what can I do?

1. This marriage needs intensive care. If he *truly* loves his child, your husband will love his child's mother, and want his child brought up with both parents in an intact family--he will do anything to see to that, and he will be especially willing to agree to participate in couples counseling.<P>2. You need intensive care--the things your husband has said to you have deeply wounded your spirit. You must get help strictly for you, without regard to him. <P>3. You need to realize that something that stays with you may only be a passing flash of anger for him, or not. People say things they don't mean. Sometimes even often. Sometimes they only say the things in response to specific provocations. Don't assume you know his mind.<P>4. You need to not give up. If you can live each day as though you are a loving wife with a loving husband, he may see what he has, or simply be changed by the different experience. You need to know about Dr. Harley's Plan A and Plan B. You need to put them into practice. You also need the truth of whether there is an affair, whether physical or emotional; in order to properly implement Plan A or Plan B.

Sisyphus has given you some good answers. I would like to recommend that as part of the intensive care you need personally, you find a counselor who would be willing to work on you in preparation for working on your marriage. <P>My example of fixing a troubled marriage is like that of fixing a troublesome car. If you take the car (marriage) to the mechaninc (counselor) for repairs and all that is on the shelves is broken parts (people), then the car (or marriage) can't be fixed. First the parts need to be rebuilt. Then the big repairs can begin.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by cinderella:<BR><B>My example of fixing a troubled marriage is like that of fixing a troublesome car. If you take the car (marriage) to the mechaninc (counselor) for repairs and all that is on the shelves is broken parts (people), then the car (or marriage) can't be fixed. First the parts need to be rebuilt. Then the big repairs can begin.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Another viewpoint: A counselor I respect once told me that problems are not so much *with* people as *between* people. The point would be that individual counseling may not be needed ... it depends on the individuals.<P>