Hello all... <BR> Well, its been two days of hell. I haven't heard from him. Only imagined the conversations that he has had with his new GF at my expense. I miss the companionship, the conversation, the touch.... I wonder what he is doing right now... Last night I even dreamt about "them". I cannot seem to get the visions out of my head. I no longer miss this person that he has become, but I miss my husband so much. I am on the road now with travel (business) and I have no one calling me or even anyone to call. I cannot explain the lonliness and loss that I feel. When does this end? How can I want a divorce because I know that he does NOT care about me, but at the same time pine for him? Am I crazy? How can I stop the tears? I feel so lost... <P>arm6868@yahoo.com<BR>

blindsided123,<BR>I can't offer any advice but want to give you many many hugs.<BR>Right now he doesn't seem to care about you, but you have to care about yourself.<BR>I'm so sorry you are in such pain... I could feel it from your post. It's sad when you feel you are alone.<BR>I hope you find a way to stop your tears.. You will find it soon..<BR>((((((((((((((((((((blindsided123))))))))))))))))))))<P>Meg

You are not the one who is lost. Your husband is lost.<P>I'm certain you miss the person he was, but not the person he is. It is quite possible that he will wake up, but don't depend on it. <P>You must do what is right and make yourself happy. You are suffering the loss of your marriage and it hurts like any other major loss. The more you loved him and the more you devoted to your marriage, the more you will hurt, initially. You are having a horrible day and as I've been there, I feel for you. My bad days are getting farther apart and less severe over time. Yours will too. Some very nice days have almost been within my grasp. I think that when the divorce is final I will be able to reach them. Keep yourself busy and fill yourself with what makes your happy. This will diminish the effect of your severe loss. I know it's like a piece of you has been ripped out and it will heal in time.<P>It would be very easy and very foolish to find another person to fill the void you now feel. For myself, I believe that if I can heal the gaping wound I now have that I will be a much stronger person.<P>Spend time with other people whenever you get a chance. You don't need a reason. Over time you will be able to spend time by yourself without falling apart and then you may start to apprectiate how nice things are without him.<P>I'm sorry if I can't offer more, me being a guy and all (woman are puzzling to men), but it's all I know. I can offer you this cyberhug and assure you that each time you feel down, you will feel less down and each time you feel up, you will feel more up. <P>(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((blindsided123)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Blindsided123<BR>I came to this board to post almost exactly the same message. I dont miss what he has become, there is no going back for me. But I do miss my husband what he was and what we had. I miss just being with him like it was 6 months ago, I miss being special in his life.<P>Last night I also relived the last few months in my dreams and it has made me feel so unsettled today,<P>The wound will heal it just takes time.<P>A big hug from rjs in New Zealand comming your way .At least it will be warm because it is summer here.<P>(((((((((((blindsided123))))))))))))))))

Hallo friend,<BR>you took my thoughts and wrote them. I am still feeling like you almost every day especially now, when H went skiing with YD and OW for a week and I am alone the whole week. Your thoughts are simply the same like mine, and we are separated for 9 months now, and last almost five he is living with OW and OD.<BR>People here say that time is healing, unfortunately I don't see that's been going on.<BR>My feelings are the same for the whole period of 16 months now, but I am still hoping .<BR>Please try to find some friends to be with them or at least come here, to Forum, everyone here offers help and we feel that we are loved and worth of that love.<BR>My thoughts are with you. We are all with you understanding your pain, because we felt (or are feeling ) it also.<BR>Big huge from me too.<P>((((((((((blindsided123))))))))))

I feel your pain and I am going thru the same pain with you. Keep you head up. My mom told me right now my heart is broken (just like a broken leg) it needs physical therapy and healing right now. I am in counseling and have a lawyer for when the final ax falls. My mom recommended that I go out for walks an dto strat doing physical things to get the angerout before it explodes (again). Right now I do not see the light at the end of the tunnel-I just see another tunnel---but maybe there is light at the end of that tunnel. It will take time the good news is your H never took the time to get to know himself. He will suffer more pain in time and so will OW. By then you will be going on with your life and you will have a new confidence and you will be healed and H will still have a sprain and will be just limping along. HUGS!!!!

{{{{{{{{{{blindsided123}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I'm so sorry you are feeling down. The lonliness sneaks up on you sometimes and hits you when you least expect it. I know it's even harder when you are on the road away from home. I'm road tripping to Florida tomorrow, but I'm actually looking forward to it, since I don't have my son this week.<P>I hope you start feeling a little better. Is there anything you can get out and go do while you're on the road? I'm taking my bicycle with me, so I hope to be able to get out and ride around some on my off time.<P>Take care...<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

Oh how I remember what you are going through, I have not had a dream for a while but I know where you are at completely.<P>I will say a prayer believe me it does get better!<P>Ted

Thanks all!! <BR> In once sense I am sorry that I am not alone in this (with so many of you feeling the same way), but in another it at least makes me feel like I am not crazy. There are times when I feel like I am losing my mind and think that if I acted/felt this way before (I don't think that I did) it is no wonder he left me. I am still so filled with self doubt. Something that I have never really experienced until now... As for the lonliness, part of me wants to "get back on the horse", but I know that I am not ready for that yet. Too much pain, no trust with anyone (not just men), and just that I am too sad right now for anyone to even enjoy my company. The upside is that from this site and many other friends, I do know that everyone out there isn't like him. In a sense I actually feel sorry for him. This "fog" or whatever it is he is in has destroyed any chance at all for reconciliation. After all that he lied to me about there is no way that I could ever trust him again. Too much has happened. Had it been an affair that he admitted to, maybe? since he lied and continued to see me while crying on my shoulder about how badly he felt and how depressed he is/was, etc.. NEVER! <BR> I cannot express how much your responses mean to me. Right now this seems to be the one place that I can open up and get honest answers from. My family and friends are in such shock about how I have reacted (I have always been the "strong, stoic" one), that they don't really know how to talk to me about it. Plus I put on a pretty good front when I need to. <BR> c00ker---- As for work and getting out!! I am in Auburn, NY right now... There is white fluffy stuff all over the ground!! I can barely walk in it, much less bike!! It does however look like I will make it up to Niagara Falls over the weekend with some people that I am working with. I am actually looking forward to going.. Never seen them in the winter... <BR> rjs-betrayed and desperate- I am so sorry that I was able to put words to your feelings. I know how painful they were and I wish that I could say something to ease the pain. I can honestly say as bad as yesterday was, there have been a few "good" days here and there. I think my just being away from home has made it worse.. I hope that you both are having a better day today and my prayers will be with you both. <P>arm6868

(((blindsided123)))<P>I'm not ignoring you. This just hasn't happened to me so I don't have a lot to offer. Sorry.<BR>

(((((((((((Blindsided)))))))))))))<P>I'm so sorry about all this. I know that it hurts so badly. I've been at the point where I wanted him back so desparately and hated him so desperately at the same time. To hear that this person who promised to love, honor, cherish, and so on now no longer loves you is excruciatingly painful. Oh, how I remember. I do know that, if you keep working on yourself, you'll survive. <P>I prayed an awful lot when I was where you are. I was on the floor and yelling at God. I didn't know it was possible to hurt so badly. God never did fix my marriage. He can't fix us if we don't let Him. But, eventually, He healed my heart. Talk to Him. <P>((((((((((((((((((((((((((Blindsided)))))))))))))))))))

I don't ignore the tears. It makes me feel normal and human. Feeling. I don't want to become hardened because of this experience, and you shouldn't either. It's OK to grieve. Sounds like you are continuing to go...I started working out. When I feel bad, I work out, take a bubble bath or read...or come here for support. It will get easier. I try to stop myself from looking back...I look forward. What do I want to do this weekend...is there a recipe I can make (then eat for the next week ) I baked bread last weekend and made homemade chicken salad...had a chicken salad sandwich with everything I made...I also have a beautiful garden...just some ideas. It is lonely...but realize that you are not alone. You have friends, family no? any pets? my "girls" are wonderful (kitties) companions. I know it's hard. I do...I promise you we all do...<BR>So what are you going to do this weekend?

Blindsided,<P>Dreams...yep, had (and still have) my share of them. Sometimes of he and I back together, sometimes nightmares of them together with my children playing house. They wake me up before dawn and I can't go back to sleep. They make me long for him and hate him all at the same time.<P>It's an awful part of the "process" I'm afraid. (Though I haven't found much about the "process" that isn't awful).<P>Detach, detach, detach...it's my mantra these days. Whenever I start to get sad or angry concerning stbx, I take a deep breath and slowly exhale while saying "detach" 10 times. I'm not sure if its the deep breathing or the meditation that calms me down but, either way, it does seem to help. (Though I never fall back asleep after one of those dreams...the mind begins to whirl and I might as well get up and get going or face another round of rollercoaster emotions )<P>I can't fix it for you, but I can empathize with your entire post (and others) - I always saw myself as the "strong" one in a crisis - not even my mother's death brought me to my knees like this divorce has though. It's enough to cause anyone to question their sanity.<P>{{{{{{{{blindsided}}}}}}}}}<P>Lisa