Not sure if anyone remembers me or not. Looong story short. I messed up and was unfaithful, confessed, tried to work things out, seemed to go well for a about 6 months then the digs came and fighting started. We have two children now 4 and 2. I left in April 2000 and on our first court appearance I burst into tears and couldn't do it. she was overwelmed with happiness and I freaked out for two weeks... no one could find me. I calmed down and tried to explain what happened to me and she wanted nothing to do with me anymore. We went to court again and I gave her what she wanted at this point. The divorce. we should have never got divorced. Shorty after she was dating. eevntually he moved in and my oldest ask me when Derek 9the boyfriend) was going to be her new Daddy... that still hurts. I explained to my baby (3 at the time) that i will always be her Daddy and she will always be my princess. I see them every tuesday and thursday and every other weekend. Up until he moved in that is. Now going there just feels to weird. she is living in the house that i grew up in, the house that my father was going to give me as an inheritance... and what got to me most was now this guy was there in MY house. I know I left but that's how I felt... She can't afford to live there anymore or so she says so she's moving 2 hrs away in with her brother and sister in law. And he's going back to his parents. he's younger than her and she told me that he just isn't family material although he is great with our kids. Last weekend when I picked upt he kids she seemed very upset about somethign but didn't want to talk to me about it. Sometimes we can talk and be civil to each other and other times we really really seem to hate each other with all that we can. this was a time where we could talk. She has a medical condition and I was worried about that. She was persistant in not talking about it and i told her I was getting scared. She broke down and told me that he is a financial burden and she just wants to take care of herself and the kids right now. Personally, I think she is moving as her way of breaking it off with him. i told her I would help out as much as i can and now I find myself thinking about her a lot more lately. We've gone our seperate ways I guess but i never really wanted it to go this far i don't think. i kept telling her that i hoped this was just something we needed to do with our lives and one day we would be back together. i asked her if she missed Montana, where we lived while married. She said yes but she can't live that life style again. not with kids and not without a plan. I tok that as she may be thinking about me the way i've been thinking about her. Somewhere int he middle of all this we hugged. It felt so good. i haven't held her like that in almost a year. i'm not sure if either one of us wanted to do it or wanted to let go. i ran my fingers through her hair as if instinct. this was Saturday and I can still smell her hair... Anyway. I'm financially strapped and had to move in with a freind. yes this freind is female and yes things happened between us. She's divorced as well and has two boys. Part of my conversation with my exwife she asked me how Katie would feel about things... this is something else that makes me want to believe there is hope for Heather and I. I know the first step to anything is moving out and being on my own again. **** She just sent me an e-mail saying she is staying in the house and Derek is leaving**** Ok side tracked. i asked her if there was anything i could do for her. not sure how to handle anything right now. Well i'm at work and i need to actually work. I wanted to not procrastinate and get this out this morning. I guess i'm looking for someone who may have experienced somethin likethis or someone who thinks they can help guide me as to what i should do.<P>thanks for your time and listening.<BR>Steve<P>------------------<BR>Could it be I still love her?

Steve,<P>While I am not in a similar situation as you, it does sound like a common story in which couples view divorce as the only (or easiest) way out of a tough situation. You messed up in the beginning for whatever reasons it now sounds like you are taking responsibility for your actions. Unfortunately people often don't really think through their actions before they do them - especially the part of just how much being unfaithful will "hurt" their spouses. Forgiveness is sometimes very difficult for someone to do - as it seems with your wife. The signs you see may be her trying to decide whether or not she really can forgive and trust you again. Trust in you is something that she doesn't have anymore (even though she may want to trust again, she may be too scared). The trust will only come back over time and not through just your words.<P>How can she even begin to trust you again when you are living with another woman? For whatever reasoning you have you are still saying one thing and doing another. In my opinion, if you want things to begin to change you need to get our on your own - right now. You need to show your wife through your actions that you are indeed sorry for what you did and are more than willing to try again. Counseling is something that is definitely needed right now for you both (together if at all possible), for you need to really understand why you cheated in the first place, and your wife has to find the strength to really trust you again.<P>It sounds like there is in fact still love between you two, but just having love - missing someone and wanting to be with them is not enough. The truth is "in the pudding". You need to begin living a life in which your wife will "want" to be with you again.<P>Keep in mind that divorce was probably the last thing your wife ever wanted to do, up until you cheated on her. In her mind, you forced her into that decision. I have no special advice for you other to say that it will be a long, hard road to reconciliation (if that is possible at all). Don't rush into things - take things slow. Learn to be around each other as friends again and see where things lead.<P>I pray for you and your wife and for your children.<P>Mike

Got this from my sister... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>yes, she definitely told me she wants to get her act together on her own.<BR>BUT - DON"T tell her I said this....I said to her "wouldn't it be great if <BR>Steve (you) got his act together and could be the guy you need him to be" <BR>and she said "Yes it would....."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>how can one get thier act together without finaces to live on thier own? I NEED to do this.. I know. But how?

STEVE!!!<P>I've been wondering what was happening with you! I'm so sorry to hear that you got divorced.... I really thought that you guys would pull through. But, maybe there is still a chance!! <P>Being financially stable doesn't really have a lot to "gettting your act together".... You need to work on what it is you want from life & what you want for your family. Being emotionally strong and stable is what you need.... and Heather too. <P>My best advice right now.... work on Plan A. Show her you are really serious about getting you s%#t together, and that you love her. Don't overwhelm her on a daily basis... but be consistant and loving.... last time you tried to be super human in your efforts, and she didn't trust it.... this time take it slow, be sincere, grow with the changes.<P>OH,and one more thing..... FIND A NEW ROOMMATE ASAP!<P>If you want to email me go ahead... dawnettad@aol.com.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{Stevie}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Your old pal!<BR>Butterfly<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>

Holy S*&T!!!!<BR>Dawnetta how are you!?<P>yeah...I messed up bad. I posted more in emotional needs. I will definately be e-mailing you! <P>She doesn't really know how I feel right now. I'm taking this one way slow. She knows I still care but doesn't know I want to get back... i don't think anyway.<P>sigh.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by StevieB:<BR><B>Got this from my sister... how can one get thier act together without finaces to live on thier own? I NEED to do this.. I know. But how?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>This is tough medicine, but you may need to hit the problem from both ends:<P>1. Rent a room elsewhere. Lower your standards about where that place is and how luxurious it has to be. <P>2. Work a second job; or work odd jobs. <P>If that's not enough, you need more skills, more assertiveness, or both. There's a good book by Jerrold Mundis called "Earn What You Deserve".

I was recently terminated from my job at CMGI... this following a promotion, go figure. Been working odd jobs at a boat yard, construction, PC rebuilds and fixes. Just got a good lead on a great job, pays 80K/ year. <P>Standard of living is pretty much out the window. I have a goal. I'll do what it takes to reach it. Material things mean nothing if you can't share them with the ones you love right?