My H tells me for the 2nd time in 4 months that he wants a divorce. This time he is 3000 miles away. We discussed this last friday, since then I have made no contact with him and he has initiated contact twice. He e-mailed me Monday to discuss some logistics with the divorce at which time I requested he come here for a visit and said that whenever was fine with me, if he couldn't come (he is very busy) until Feb that is fine...whatever made sense. He said he would and would get back to me on when. <BR>Today he sends me an e-mail from a news article...he is friendly and signs it with the pet name that I call him (used to call him) I have started mailing him his Christmas gifts that are under the tree. I have not responded to the e-mail today. I don't get it. Why would he call himself and me our pet names if he wants a divorce? He isn't running out here to discuss the details...I just don't get it....

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by cpickel:<BR><B>Today he sends me an e-mail from a news article...he is friendly and signs it with the pet name that I call him (used to call him) ... I don't get it. Why would he call himself and me our pet names if he wants a divorce?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>They're kooky like that. I know it's very little help to tell you that. I am not sure what the psychological mechanism is, but they will return to an outward simulation of being loving and caring ... whistling a happy tune now that they have made up their mind that there will be a split, no ifs ands or buts.<P>I think it shows a terrible disrespect, and calls for Plan B immediately.<P>I recommend meeting that with ice. And keeping the ice in place regardless of how uncomfortable it makes them or you. And keeping it in place some more. And wait for them to crack first. And then you head straight for couples counseling before you show them anything but ice. <P>Is this at odds with continuing to try? I don't think so. It's at odds with allowing yourself to be patronized by someone who has not respect for you. It feels patronizing, and it is patronizing. Build up your own strength. Have patience. But don't for a minute take this cr*p. <P>If you regain your self-respect now, and take little or no guff, the anger you feel later will be lessened; and you'll shorten the time until you're ready to hold out a real olive branch as his equal instead of begging for your marriage back as a beggar begs for a handout.

Thanks, I don't have any intention of responding. If he wants to be with me then he needs to come out here and start acting like it. I am tired of the games. I have started moving his stuff into a closet, I just don't want to play these games anymore. I don't have pet names for my friends...like endearments....so I agree with you that he needs to understand what divorce means...it means sending me news articles about something we both love and putting endearments is not divorce...no more...You know that post by rjs (?) was so right on....no more begging...(I am so ashamed to admit) I made it seem logical at the time(me the analytical one) that all I was doing was trying to make my point clear that we could get past all this...ugh....it was begging...ick! Well it's done, no more. I have too much respect for myself....I need to get a handle on all of this....chin up...