My counsler suggested that me and my h meet in a neutral place to discuss the new issues of paperwork. It will be kind of like dating and will keep us in check with our emotions. I will ask my h to meet me for lunch at a restaurant in town if he wants to go over the paperwork or discuss the d's. My question is do we ask for seperate checks than? (I will not let h know the real reasons for meeting for lunch)Has this strategy ever worked for anyone?

A restaurant might be kind of noisy. Do you think he'd be open to a hotel room?

That really depends on whether money is a touchy issue between you right now (if it isn't, it probably will be...paperwork has a way of creating monetary animosity). If you're still sharing a bank account, it doesn't really matter - it would all be coming from the same place anyway, right? (You could use that logic).<P>If you're not, let him take the lead with what he wants to do...he'll either toss his partial payment on the bill for you to add to or he'll say, "I've got this one..." My stbx and I have done things both ways - even in the worst of our separation.<P>I suppose anything that gets you two together could be deemed as good as long as there's no LBing. But I don't hold out hope that divorce settlement conference lunches can be a love-growing experience. Somehow, when spouses feel their belongings/paycheck/children begin to slip through their fingers each becomes possessive and things degrade from there. Plus, you do have to look out for your own interests here as well in case the D does go through - more than likely, any attempt to protect yourself or your interests will be seen as trying to "screw" him. The very nature of divorce is adversarial - the paperwork just puts it all in print.<P>Good luck but remember to protect your interests/children while trying to be as non-LBing as possible.<P>Lisa