<p><br> Question: I'm 40 years of age and contemplating marriage with a woman I've been<br> seeing for six years. Sex is great between us however I'm not sure if what I feel is love.<p> My job brings me in contact with other women and I fantasize yet I realize my lady<br> friend would leave me if she ever caught me cheating. However I feel I would if I could<br> get away with it. <p> My lady friend will not wait any longer and either we marry or she leaves. So we are<br> setting a date. Friends have told me that if you are having doubts about your marriage<br> you shouldn't go through, but I'm not sure if such confusion is normal. <p> I care for my girlfriend a great deal and we have been through a lot<br> together, but I am not sure how to read my feelings. I've often thought it's a 50-50<br> proposition and I have constructed a pre-marriage agreement so I'll give it a try. <p> But at the same time I'm thinking I could do "better." Yet don't really know what better<br> is except perhaps "younger" (my lady friend is 33). <p> I can't decide if what I feel is love. Or if I'm extremely emotionally co-dependent on this<br> woman after the years we've been together. <p> At a loss with what I feel. Any advice would be very much appreciated.

John,<p>The best advice I can give you is to really be sure that marriage to this lady is what you want...I went into a marriage with reservations and unresolved feelings and it has proven disastrous for me. It doesn't appear that infactuation is an element here due to the fact that you've been dating for six years. Please look at the questionnaire on 'emotional needs' on this website. This exercise can give you alot of insight about your feelings and whether your emotional needs are being met by this relationship. All of my emotional needs were not being met, but I convinced myself that my then finacee' would change and that I could tolerate the shortcomings on meeting my needs until that happens. I thought my love for her would keep me afloat...but it didn't. It has been an emotional rollercoaster during most of our marriage. We also had dated for 5 years and felt the pressure to marry or move on. Do ALL that you can to sort out your feelings NOW!!! Unlike me, if you truly feel that your emotional needs will not get met, talk about it with her and get premarital counseling. And if this does not work, please have the courage to not go through with the marriage just out of obligation to a 6-year investment in a relationship.

john,<p>You'd be a fool to get married now with all that unresolved stuff inside you. You say you know you'd fool around if you thought you could get away with it. It's good that you know that. But be man enough (and have enough respect for your would-be spouse) to not enter into marriage with that sort of baggage. You will be doing nothing but subjecting you both to a painful situation that is totally unnecessary. <br>If you marry her now with your purposes in such a state of flux then you will be doing neither of you any favors. if you have any respect for her you will not marry her as long as you are unsure about things, not to mention if you are to have any respect for yourself as a man.

John,<p>Why don't you order "The four Gifts of Love" from this website. It's for newlywed and about-to-wed couples. It explains the four Marriage Builder principles: the Rules of Time, Honesty, Protection, and Care.<p>Fantasizing about other women isn't uncommon, but it's not particularly healthy for a marriage. But it's pretty clear that you seem to be moving in a 'marriage' direction just because that's the next step. I suggest that you work with the marriage builders principles to see if you can't make your current relationship 'better' first. <p>You don't 'try' a marriage. It's a lifetime committment. You should treat it that way.

If you go into this marriage thinking it's a "50-50 proposition", I'd give you at best a 50-50 chance of seeing your first anniversary. Better to go into it COMMITTED to giving 100 percent. Right now it doesn't look like you're anywhere close. Your thoughts are already borderline adulterous in nature, and you haven't even said "I do" yet. Better make it "I don't" before some people get hurt.