Dear Trying,<P>This erks me no end my friend ! We have had a few ow/om who were involved with other posters ws's come here. It has always rubbed me the wrong way. <P>What do they want here, besides possibly to try to get more info on the BS to cause more problems, or pain. <P>I hope she see's this and understands that if she pokes her nose in here again that many of us will let her know exactly how low we think she is for coming here. This is supposed to be your safe place. EVERYONE involved needs to respect you enough to allow you to come to this board without being concerned about having to monitor your evey word because they our here.<P>Opposite shoes, by coming here and spying and postin\g to Trying you are showing that you are trashy, just trashy IMHO. Now print that out and go tell somebody I said it.<P>------------------<BR>Deb<P>Hepatitis C, Please educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In" TARGET=_blank>http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In</A> memory of a very dear friend <A HREF="http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp" TARGET=_blank>http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp</A>

Wow, that's absolutely heinous.<P>I remember some of her posts amd remember thinking what a confused little girl she seemed like. I never imagined she was in here spying on you. What a psycho! Your STBX is in for an interesting time with this one. Hope his medical coverage allows for psychotherapy <P>Take care...<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

That's what I was thinking. . .this is the woman that your husband is "in love" with? Al-righty then!<P>I wonder how many weeks it's gonna last between them were they to ever have each other exclusively? Or days, actually.

I think it would be more appropriate to say that this is the girl my H was involved with. Infatuation maybe, love nope.

Hmmmm...maybe I'm just spiteful, I guess I'd be more prone just to give the details of who she is..and not worry about protecting HER!!!<BR>has she thought about YOU and your feelings?<BR>then why care about hers??? I mean..I know it's not really the Christian thing to do..but at the same time..as a Christian were<BR>supposed to confront them that they may change..so I say go ahead and vent to her..<P><BR>I don't know that I read her posts..but I do remember sis's post to you..something about<BR>your kids and school...and how this lady was<BR>involved there too..I know I was mad about that one...it sounded to me like she was trying to get whatever info she could from you that she could pass on..but that was just<BR>my opinion on her post...<P>

TTMO<BR>Thumbs up to ThornedRose. Maybe you are protecting her somehow. I know she must be reading all your post to plan her next attack into your private life. She seems very sneaky and deceitful as most OW. It should warm your heart knowing the support you have received here. In the end, we know who will win and who will take a walk down the road alone.

A you know my phone number<p>[This message has been edited by sis (edited January 15, 2001).]

My mom (Discovery2000) posted to shoes VOMIT VOMIT VOMIT! Get it?

Whoa, Trying, I think I'm gonna hold off on sending e-mails. That bothers me because I said a lot of personal things about me.<P>Lots to think about.<P>------------------<BR><BR>Kathy

Sis,<BR>If you only care about TTMO's thought why are you posting here where everybody can read? I think you are trying to clear about where you stand to all of us here.<P>"First of all, I never came here and spied on you. There are many times when I would hear things from K or would be going through a low point remembering things in my situation and I would stop and check up on how you were doing."<P>From previous TTMO's post you seemed to have told her that because it was her privacy so you wouldn't read her posts here.<P>"I wanted to call and tell you then that if you would follow the mb guidelines and make it easy for him, you could easily get him back then. But, I didn't. I felt it was best for me to stay out of it because of what I said before and because K is my sister and best friend."<P>You stayed out of it because if you called her then her H might have gone back to her and K would have been damped?<P>"I have told her she is way too smart, pretty, friendly, and good-hearted to put herself through the pain and guilt of all of this."<P>Too smart, and good hearted person like OW is doing this?<P>"G actually probably told her the name of the website sometime back in August or September when he supposedly went to the library and broke into your email account and read emails that someone (I believe weirded out) had been writing to you from this board. This was the emails telling you not to call me b/c you couldn't trust what I would tell you and things like that."<P>I think you should tell her this privately.. and you don't know this for sure.<P>"K was only reading something posted in a public forum, not your personal email."<P>That justifies what she was(is) doing?<P>"She and I talked many times about how she should quit doing it because it would not help anything and would only make her feel worse to see/read the pain she has caused."<P>I don't know if this made her feel worse. At the end she posted and tried(or wondered the possibility) to be friends with her BF's W. You say she is too smart?<P>"G does seem like a nice person. And, I feel sorry for him because he is a coward. He needs to stand up and be a man. He never should have left his family and when he did, he never should have put you all on the roller coaster of coming back and forth."<P>Again if you truly feel this you could help TTMO by tellingher about what you thought. You seem like you care for her but that's maybe because you both are BSs, but otherwise your SIL comes first, even if you know what she's doing wrong, and there was a chance for TTMO and her H to be together you just ignored it because K was your SIL.<P>"He has now caused enormous pain to two women and two small girls, none of whom should have to live like that. And, yes, you and the girls were completely innocent and hurt; and K was guilty and hurt, but still, no one needed have been hurt like that had G been the Christian man he pretends to be."<P>You are forgetting something here.. yes what G is doing is wrong but K had a choise too. She's guilty and hurt? well she should be.. she just continues A, so she should hurt. <P>"I'm sure G thinks he is hurt, too. But, I have read it and lived it and long ago decided it -- you CHOOSE who you love."<P>So does K!! Stop blaming only G... K is as guilty as G!!<P>"I call him a coward because, by now, hopefully you and K see the pattern -- he comes running to you when you give him an ultimatum ( I believe on Wed. night you had called him to discuss settlement? -- he freaked and ran from K). Before, he went running to K when he thought he had lost her before. And, back to you and back to her. G is trying to have both of you and I hope you both see it."<P>You know how WS acts right? This is nothing new.. and I'm sure you know that he is in the fog. His mental stage is not normal right now.. And OW's existence won't help.<P>"Let me tell you what I did yesterday; I broke into K's house because I thought she was inside dead (yes, she's been that depressed)."<P>But not depressed enough to change what causing her the depression.<P>"After I broke in and didn't find her, she drives up with G who was SUPPOSED TO BE WITH YOUR CHILDREN BUT HAD EVIDENTLY LEFT THEM IN LANCASTER WITH HIS MOM."<P>What a depressed person she is!<P>But, he REALLY came by to upset K again and tell her not to go to Charleston to see her friends because he probably thought she might go out and actually have a decent time without him and MOVE ON with her life. He practically insisted she not go. Like he had any right whatsoever over her and what she does since he broke up with her."<P>First, it will be nice if you don't write things from only speculation. And if you talk about his right then how about K's?? Did she have a right to go out with a married man in the first place?<P>"I am tired of worrying that I am going to find my sister-in-law dead somewhere. I am tired of the pain you and your children have gone through and continue to go through all because one man -- G -- won't be a man."<P>Sounds like only he can choose.. but it's not true, TTMO can choose, so can K. If she's so depressed enough to kill herself then she can choose something for better too.<P>"She IS my first priority in this situation because of how deeply I care about her and love her. And, I will protect her as best as she will let me in all this. My number one priority right now is to keep GH as far away from her as possible."<P>I hope it's true.<P>"I have been up front and honest with you in all my dealings with you and I have been up front and honest with K as well. I have not hidden any communication with you from her. In fact, I will be telling her about this as soon as she gets back from Charleston."<P>So she can sneak TTMO's thread again?<P>"I do feel horribly for you and I do feel like under different circumstances you and I could have been best friends and very supportive of each other. But, under these circumstances, I am K's SIL and BF and my goal is to protect her. Of course, this goal will be accomplishing what you want right now because my goal is to keep G AWAY from all of us."<P>I understand what you want.. but the things is, K is a grown woman and she does what she wants. It doesn't seem you had done anything to help her do the right thing.<P>"As to something I read about K wanting to be your friend. I don't think y'all could ever be friends, I agree with you on that. But, it might be really beneficial to both of you to go have lunch or dinner somewhere public so you can both get the truth about things."<P>I don't know at this point if that is a good idea...I don't know how they both feel about it but maybe when things are settled MAYBE this could be possible. I don't like OW getting an attention she doesn't deserve.<P>"Lastly, you seem to think K's family, including me, are taking over your life. I might point out that I could, justifiably, feel that way about you. You went to my marriage counselor (KB); you went to my MIL's school to teach; you joined my dad's church (SG); AND, most importantly, you came to my support website and have now made it where I can't come here for support or if I do, I'll have to change my name. Good thing I'm not paranoid."<P>Now are you blaming her about you not be able to come here? Sis, you made a choice.. which is K(OW) is first priority for you. Good for you. And I understand she's your SIL, if you care her so much HELP HER TO DO THE RIGHT THING! Blaming TTMO or her H doesn't help. And you still can support people here if you want.<P>After reading her posts here I didn't think she was that smart, if she came her for help I know she would've gotten many from here. But she sounded like she came here to justify what she was doing and she wanted BS to know she was so much in love with a MM and she wanted to tell her relationship was so special. That's why everybody got mad at her. I still don't know why she came here.<P>And you said you don't care what others think.. so this is what I think.<P>Meg<BR><p>[This message has been edited by MF (edited January 14, 2001).]

Sis,<P>Usually the right answer is simple, people just don't want that answer if it is a difficult thing to do.<P>First, I am quite uncomfortable with this public dialogue - it starts to resemble voyeuristic reality TV. <P>But, IMO.<P>You are in the middle of a difficult situation - and you are making it worse for yourself. Its time to take a stand Sis, for the right thing here - and that is NOT undying loyalty to a friend. Your SIL/BF's behavior is unworthy of your support. THis is one of those situations that you can't ride the fence, wringing your hands over the damage but supporting her. At this point, there is no difference between her and the damage she is causing.<P>I think if you didn't have doubts about this loyalty you feel toward her, you wouldn't be posting here. Sis, it is misguided loyalty - and maybe a more helpful approach for her would be to not give her unconditional support with a lecture. She's turning a deaf ear.<P>Sis, you wouldn't be letting her drive drunk, you'd take away the keys. You wouldn't hide her if she killed somebody, or committed a robbery. But somehow, its ok to protect her when she is hurting kids?<P>Sis, tell her you love her, and you will be there for her if she decides to "do the right thing" but that you cannot stomach what she is choosing to do - she is willfully and knowingly destroying children - Sis, that is not a mistake that you go oops - it is a sin. It is evil Sis, and you know it. <P>You will feel much better if you cut it off with her until/unless she breaks it off, or marries him.<P>THis is a situation you can't fix, don't let it destroy you too. Get out of it, stay out of it, and come back here for support. I can tell this is keeping you up at night isn't it? Be strong and draw that line in the sand. <BR>You can't have it both ways, and trying is hurting you. The morally correct answer is simple, but a terribly difficult thing to do.

Why would her marrying him suddenly make it somehow ok?

Nellie, LOL you do cut to the quick.<P>It wouldn't be ok, but it would be a legitimate relationship. I can see accepting the situation then. <P>At that point, it would be a personal choice of do you want this person as your friend or not?<P>But before marriage - I see it as black and white.

.<p>[This message has been edited by Trying to move on (edited March 26, 2001).]

.<p>[This message has been edited by Trying to move on (edited March 26, 2001).]

Hi TTMO,<P>I'm very proud to be your friend.<P>I'm gonna say great BIG prayers tonight for you, G, and the girls (as opposed to little ones I guess!). I believe God wants reconciliation above all else, and I think you are strong and will do all you can to save and repair the shreds left from the adultery (I never use the word affair). You know you have my support (and so does G if he truly wants to do the right thing). Don't worry about the e-mail thing, I'm not. I'm glad I was there for you because you helped me just as much (no, probably more). Please just worry now about what steps you and H are going to take next for a new beginning. Hopefully, K will know enough to leave what God put together alone and just go on her way.<P>God Bless,<P>Kathy<BR><P>------------------<BR><BR>Kathy

Sis...<BR>I only have one word to describe your behavior...ENABLER...

Sis,<P>I'm sorry you have been through this too.<P>But leave TTMO alone. No more messages, emails, phone calls, etc etc etc.<P>I think I get the feeling that TTMO doesn't want anything to do with you or your family, or your extended family. Sorry if I'm overstepping the boundaries here TTMO!!<P>One thing that we have here at MB with each other here is trust. It (the trust) is something that was abused by our partners. With you, I could never have trust. And I feel quite sad about that, as I don't even know you. However, whenever I responded to you, how would I know that you didn't go back to K and tell her about me and my 'stupid' situation? I would always have the feeling that you were telling everyone about me, and laughing about me.<P>Sorry. I think I would never respond to your posts, and would hope that you would pay me the same courtesy.<P>I hope the best for you and your situation, but where there is no trust, there is no friendship.<P>

TTMO<BR>I am so very proud of you. You have endured so much unnecessary pain. I smile to myself as I hear your strength and courage. Continue to pray and remember there are lots of people out there who truely want you to receive all the blessings you deserve.<P>Sis-- Get a life and stop making yourself out to be manipulated by your SIL. I doubt very much when push comes to shove that she would choose others before herself. Beware of her real intentions.

A-- I am not calling G anything I haven't called my own h. I'm sure he is a good man. I could see the pain losing his children is causing him. I'm sorry for the angry tone of my last post. I had just been through a big scare with K. And, I am angry with G over all of this and K. <BR>I do appreciate honeyw and wo and someone else's -- I can't think of name right now -- posts. I am enabling and I know it and that is why your situation keeps me up at night. I am, by nature an enabler -- why I blame myself for "allowing" my h to get away with his stuff for years and with so many . . .) But, I should not have directed this anger at you b/c you are hurting and did not intend to harm me in any way. So, I am sorry.<BR>I will be praying for you. It can work and you can have a better marriage than you ever thought possible after all of this. But, this will require a LOT of hard work, pain, and tears together.<P>(And, to the person who wrote the long response to me -- I did want to defend myself in the public forum since I had been attacked in the public forum, but I also do not know TTMO's new phone number or address and I never had her email address.)<BR>To Bonnet -- I assure you that I have never laughed over anything on this board with anyone. Any conversations K and I have had about it is concerning the pain being caused. To me, adultery is no laughing matter.<p>[This message has been edited by sis (edited January 15, 2001).]