It's early where I am and I have heard nothing back from the legal folks I have called all week. I want to refinance my house, if I put the loan in just my name, does anyone know if I just legally disassociated my H from any responsibility for the house? this may seem like a dumb question, but his name is still on the house...I am trying to eliminate needing to refinance twice.

Well, this is not the place to look for legal advice, nor do I even know what state you're in (and I can only give legal advice for the dangly one with the real bad chad problem). <P>Nonetheless, here, if his name is off the note, he doesn't have a responsibility to pay any money. If his name is on the deed, it will have to be on the mortgage (a document separate from the note which secures the note). And if that is the case, he would have to be named in any lawsuit a mortgage company would file to enforce their debt. So he would get sued, but wouldn't owe any dollars (nonetheless, it can *screw* up his credit). <P>So it's probably best if you talk to the mortgage broker or consult an attorney, but I'm thinking there would be *two* refinancings needed if you went the way you're going.

gotcha...like I said I have apt's to make apt's only in CA....but I digress. I guess I just want to make sure that I am covered. But he has told me verbally I can have the house..just wanted to lower my payment. Since I have seen no movement on his part to file...<P>he sends me daily friendly e-mails...last week I could barely get him to talk to me...he would call me in locations he knew I wasn't going to be...at night on my cell or at work...weird. But sent no e-mails...this week I have gotten daily e-mails about things that we share in life, have done in life that he was "reading" he is sharing gossip with me now about his former job and all the chaos going on there. I don't want to ask anything just curious if anyone else has been through this...I know it is fog, but he is getting what he wants...a divorce, he is 3000 miles away, he doesn't have to initiate conversations with me...I sure as he** haven't initiated them since he said he wanted a divorce last week. <BR>Am I over analyzing...I do this you know

When my XW treated me in a friendly way, I could put on a front, but it ripped me up later. E-mailing, being less personal, may work better than speaking. I know speaking was tough, and an in-person visit from her (with an inspection by her like she owned the place) could ruin my *week*. <P>Being a guy, his communications to you will probably be quantity, perhaps much of it generated by others, rather than quality. Your replies should be very similar, except perhaps you can slip in a sentence or two about your feelings. Careful. Too much and you'll spook him. Friendly. Friendly. Friendly. Probably the hardest thing you'll ever do. But maybe, just maybe, it will pay off. Do not expect it to stop the divorce paperwork, and treat that as an issue *entirely* separate from your relationship. Another near-impossibility that will have its rewards. <P>You need an outlet for your anger. Don't let it be him. Especially if you think you might want him back. Friends, family, fellow MB'ers ... they're the ones who should hear how angry you are. <P>Where you are and where you have been are not as important as where you are going.

He'll need to sign a "Quit Claim Deed" when you refinance in your name only...that will remove his name from the title and refinancing in your own name and based on your own income removes his obligation/name from the mortgage.<P>(That's Washington State law, but I think it's fairly universal real estate mortgage practice).<P>Lisa