She'll change/I'll change. But do we?<p>I've gotten some interesting as well as helpful advice regarding my marriage plans (see: "Help" for background details). <p>I e-mailed my lady friend and told her of my concerns. She told me counseling was a good idea. <p>Question: Has anyone sought pre-martial counseling only to discover that after the marriage nothing changed? <p>

John,<p>I'm one of the dummies who got married blind and deaf. By that I mean I didn't take any of the serious issues into consideration like money, background, plans for the future, etc. I was in love so I got married. Fortunately, except for our recent problems, it's worked out.<br>The point I'm trying to make is that pre-marital counseling and all that are good things to use as tools to prepare a smoother path for marriage with better and more realistic expectations. But the bottom line is that there is no marriage apprenticeship program. It's pretty much all on the job training. No matter what you do to prepare for it, once you're in it there will be no substitute for hard work and unselfishness (and "unselfishness" is in neon lights) as far as your relationship goes. Pre-marital counseling or anything else is no garuntee of marital success. It just provides you a tool to help you have a marriage in which you'll be less prone to be hoodwinked by unforseen surprises.<br>It's just like going through boot camp. They can train you to fight but once you're on the battlefield it's up to you how well you apply what you learned, what you add to it or whether or not you'll cut and run.