Like this.<P>She picked up our daughter last night. After they left, my 7 yo son told me that X told him it was a good thing that we are getting a divorce, because he would get more Christmas presents. So I asked him whether he would like more presents or his mom and dad in the same house. Of course, mom and dad together.<P>I think I am going to tell her not to talk to him about the divorce any more because I always end up cleaning up the mess.<P>One year later and she is still heavily in the fog. Do these people have no shame? And she wonders why I fight for every minute of time I can get. When she talks to him like this, she shouldn't even see the kids, IMHO.<P>Thanks for letting me vent

Of course, the charitable thought would be that she's simply trying to put the best face on something she *knows* hurts your daughter deeply. Is it time to "tell it like it is" to the kid? If not, can you cut the ex-wife a little slack? Not that this was the *best* thing to tell your daughter, of course...<p>[This message has been edited by Sisyphus (edited January 12, 2001).]

Having been married twice, having children by two different men and having all of them suffering the same experience, I understand fully the horrible wounds a child suffers when his parents divorce. Not much can soften the blow, especially to kids this young, who don't understand.<P>This is a completely unbiased--I was the one who walked away from my first marriage and I will take it to the grave the agony that I caused my girls. Now that the "fog" has been cleared for many, many years, I have seen what I have done to them.<P>And now it's been done to my little son by his father.<P>I don't believe in cutting slack. I wish that I had been dealt with up front--I probably wouldn't be where I am at now.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Bernzini:<BR><B>I don't believe in cutting slack. I wish that I had been dealt with up front--I probably wouldn't be where I am at now.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Perhaps not slack for the action, but slack for the motive not being 100% evil.<P>

I don't know that I see it all that badly Gp. Perhaps it wasn't worded by your ex in the same phrasing that your son reported it. Could she have possibly said the same words I said to my 10 year old on the very same subject? My words were...At least there is one bright side to this whole mess of Daddy and I living apart...you and your brother get to have two Christmases!<P>I could easily see a 7 year old translating that (remember you heard his "report" of what Mommy said) to "Mom says divorce is good because I get two Christmases."<P>I don't know her and I don't know you...but I do know that sometimes, when blinded by my own anger, I don't see the truth - I see my version of the truth. Is there the tiniest chance this could be possible for you? Just asking...

I don't think that what she said was 100% evil. But I think that she should have taken the kids feelings into account when she says these things. This is simply one example of the things she tells him.<P>This is also the 2nd divorce for me. And I am the one that walked away the first time (with her). I don't think that she understands that she has made the most important decision so far in her life.<P>It is the most difficult thing that I have done to keep a good relationship with the kids from my first marriage. It has not always been good, and this divorce has brought things up with them that we all thought were dealt with long ago.<P>We all see our own versions of the truth. If I were a post-modernist, I would say that there really is no truth. I won't go that far, just say that we each see things through our own set of glasses. Too bad hers are so fogged up...<P>I guess I, in some strage way, want to protect her from herself. Having been an NCP, I know how hard it is to be a visitor in your own children's lives. This is the future that she has chosen. And there is not a damn thing I can do about it.<P>So very sad<BR>