Someback ground first.<BR>I'm the Dumpee. (recently turned Dumper)<P>The wife wrote a letter saying she wasn't happy, needed a change, wanted our daughter, etc., etc., etc., When I asked what I could do to make things better she just srugged her shoulders and said she was putting up defensive walls and made the box sign around her body. <P>I helped her move out to an appt.. On the Sunday of the weekend she moved I got a phone call from an anonymous caller that she was having an affair. When I confronted her (the wife) about it I got the 30 pause before the answer 'No, I only had coffee with him'. <P>Needless to say I was crushed. I'm the kind of person that can deal with just about anything as long as I'm told about it. That being said what I can't stand is having someone tell me something they think I want to hear, instead of what I need to hear and know. <P>Its been 10+ months.. I found a lawyer a couple of months ago. The daughters birthday was coming up, thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, So I figured I would wait until all of these special dates were over before I filled. <P>On Christmas day I recieved a 12Pk of Carona and a 5$ sweater from Target. I gave her a diamond heart pendant, and a note. The note said: I love you, I want to be with you and I want you to be with me, I can only offer two of the most special gifts one person can give another - your freedon and my heart. Your walls are to high to climb. Please help me save us. All my love, Your husband.<P>I got no response, zero, nada, nothing, not even a tear. no phone call to talk, nothing. So on the 26th I filed for the big D. (No punn intended) I told her in person, that I had filed on the 29th, no reaction, straight faced. I told her I couldn't do this anymore. I said she was the most buitiful woman on the face of the earth and I would love her forever, thank you giving me my daughter but I can't do this anymore. Its my turn, I need the affection, I need the attention, I need the acknoldgement, its my turn (meaning in the past 10+ month was hurt and was giving everything to her and getting nothing in return, zero.) still no reaction. <P>Yesterday I showed her a copy of the petition and told her the real paperwork is in the mail coming my way (for real) and I would give them to her shortly. Still no response. <P>She acts like nothing is happening. <P>In 11 years of marriage we had sex just enough to make a baby, she always controlled what I said in public, never communicate what I needed to do, and always expected me read her mind, amoung many other things. Don't get me wrong here, I accept the FACT that I had problems to and I brought baggage to this relationship. I am by no means perfect. I will take 50% of the blame. But only 50%<P>I guess the question I have is this..<P>Why do I want this to be over? <P>The thrill of a possible new life gets my blood going. I almost can't wait for this thing to be over. <P>Am I a bad man for wanting this end? <P>

Texas,<P>You're not bad...just riding the roller coaster...hold on to these moments of feeling brighter about your future...because the other ones will slam into you when you least expect it ...like "your song" will play on the radio, or you'll bump into an old friend who didn't know and you have to tell them...whatever. Suddenly, you'll find yourself missing her all over again and willing to do just about anything to get her back - sometimes at the sacrifice of your own soul/peace of mind.<P>Don't mean to be a downer...I happen to be on a "hopeful" cycle myself right now because of a few crumbs of hope my stbx threw my way...I fully expect to have those same hopes dashed down the road...move into depressed mode...and then into "I'm better off without the heartache he gives me mode." <P>Up down loop-de-loop...it's a lonngggg ride.<P>Lisa

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by AgoodManInTexas:<BR><B>I guess the question I have is this..<P>Why do I want this to be over? <P>The thrill of a possible new life gets my blood going. I almost can't wait for this thing to be over. <P>Am I a bad man for wanting this end?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I'd guess that your feelings are natural, and I don't think that <I>feelings</I> make someone good or bad. It's what we <I>do</I> that matters.<P>Each of us has a limit to how much pain and/or abuse we can take, and getting away from the source of our distress can be healthy or even necessary. However, you will have to assess whether taking steps to make your escape permanent is wise or right.<P>Based on some of the other things you have said on this forum, I suspect that you may be acting too precipitously. Plan B may well be called for here, but if you rush into a new relationship, I fear you may regret it down the road.<BR>

The ride you're on right now is definitely a roller coaster. And you may be up right now but you will come down. We can all guarantee you that. <P>Do you have a counselor? If you don't, it would be a good idea to find one because, at some point, you'll crash. I hope you'll consider it. There's a long road before you.<P>It's all part of the grief cycle that goes with the loss of a marriage. And all the decisions that accompany divorce - or even the rebuilding of a marriage. Yes, it can be done. But it's even harder than the divorce.

Agoodmanintexas-<BR> Why do you want it to be over? Because you know it is time... No matter how much it hurts... I love my husband more than life, but I know that it is over.. There is nothing I wouldn't do to turn back the clocks.. However... I do know that one day I will be happy again the the tears won't flow like they are right now... <BR> I think what you did for Christmas is great. I wish that you would have gotton a response... No letter on my part, but the same feelings just the same... I knew/know it was over then... Not even the courtesy to call and acknowledge my feelings... There are good days and very bad ones... Somehow I know that eventually the bad days will be fewer. Keep the faith and keep looking here. Right now this is the only place I KNOW of that good people (as far as relationships are concerned) exist. I could never do to someone what has been done to me and it is a consolation to know there are others out there who feel the same way... <P>arm6868@yahoo.com if you need to "talk"

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by AgoodManInTexas:<BR><B>On Christmas day I recieved a 12Pk of Carona and a 5$ sweater from Target.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I have a real question about the Corona. Yes, people give and receive alcohol at Christmas without there being *any* alcohol problems whatsoever. But that's usually something festive, or at least rarer and more expensive. <P>So I pose the question: Is alcohol a factor in your relationship? (I have no idea whether something might be up with the giver, or the recipient of a gift like that) If it isn't, well then I hope you're not offended that I asked. If it is, are you doing anything to address it, or at least learn more about the situation so that you can begin to address it?<BR>

No, I dno't have a problem at all witht he question... ;-) <P>I think my stbx had a problem with alcohol )(check out my robbed post) I recognise that the only time we had sex was when she was drunk or significantly under the influence.<P>For my part I like to drink but only in a responsible manner. I do not like getting drunk. I like drinking a better grade of stuff like Carona on special occasions. Normally I drink Bud light and maybe 3 or 4 during a one to two week timeline. <P>I don't think the SBTX gave me the 12Pk as anything other than here is a present that you will enjoy. AND I DID,, <P>I digress. The question is 'Is alcohol a factor in your relationship?' <P>I would have to say yes, on her part. It is/was an escape mechanism for her. NOT FOR ME. Do I think she is an alcoholic? probably. If she isn't I think alcohol was a very large participant in the demise of my marriage. I find out now that there were about a million other things that were NOT my fault. I hope I answered your question..<P>TO Gnome: You make the statement - 'I suspect that you may be acting too precipitously' I'm sorry I disagree and I will post an update to my Robbed post.