Hi guys,<P>this is not a downer on myself. I'm not even feeling down, but I'm tired, and I'm confused.<P>Sometimes I ask myself what would I do if he asked if he could come back. Not that he has given ONE little eensy weensy sign of wanting to come back (unless you count Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and all the tears - which I DON'T)!!!<P>He's still with fluff #5, he's still talking about taking the children to beach volleyball tomorrow night where she will have to look after them while he plays, but all is not rosy in greener pastures. If it was, he would be a lot happier.<BR>That is the confusing part. I'm happier than what he is. Granted, I don't have a smile on my face every single day, but most days I do. I'm happy with where I am, given the circumstances I have just come through. I'm happy with my job, my little house, my girls, my family and my friends. I'm even happy with the fact that I am on my own. I go back to uni (college) in about 5 weeks time, so I will have a lot on my plate this year. But essentially I am happy. So why isn't he. He has everything he wanted, everything he left me for. Supposedly.<P>This post is really just a 'letting my mind wander' post. Letting my thoughts drift. I don't very often post here when I do that, but tonight I'd really love some feedback. For those of you that know me from when I first came here a year ago, I always said that this never felt right. That we were apart. Those feelings are coming back again. It's just not right. Even tho I have moved on, and accepted everything, it just does not feel right. Does anyone else feel like that, or have I completely lost my mind!!!<P>hope you all have a lovely Sunday, (I did).<BR>big hugs for you all<BR>Jo

Hi Jo,<P>Well, I certainly feel that this is not right also, but I've accepted that for whatever reason, this is what she has decided to do and she doesn't want to reconcile. I have been friendly and considerate to her and I never bring "us" up in conversation, save for the reminder every so often that I've not given up.<P>She seems perfectly fine with her new life, so I suspect that the divorce will almost certainly happen and I'm pretty close to accepting that as inevitable.<P>I think it takes along time to "get over" someone you have shared your life with, if ever. Even if I ever do meet someone else, my STBX will always be a person of great significance in my past life. There is no way to escape that. I think the scary part for me is wondering how long it will take me to get to a point where I wouldn't consider reconcilliation with her, and if I'll even recognize it. I can't imagine becoming intimate with another woman and having her develop feelings for me and then have my STBX come back. I would never, ever want to put someone else through the emotional pain I've been through. That's why I'm not even considering dating yet. I realize that it's probably over, but it would be too easy for me to become emotionally attached to someone right now and I'm sure one or both of us would end up getting hurt. I recognize that that pain would be much worse than the pain of the lonliness I'm feeling at this moment.<P>Sorry for the ramble Jo, just woke up & the coffee hasn't kicked in <P>Take care<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

Jo...<P>{{{{{{{{Jo}}}}}}}}...<P><B>You are NOT a loser</B>....<P><B>You are loved</B>!!!!<P>...and you will make it through all of this.<P>Remember to focus on you.<BR>Don't agnonize over your H...<BR>...you can't change him.<BR>...and to anticipate he will change himself...<BR>...is to do yourself harm.<P>Have a better Monday... <P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited January 14, 2001).]

Bonnet,<P>I think it just goes to show that the problem is in them. You are happier because you are happier with yourself. They are unhappy becuase they are still looking for their happiness to be provided by the perfect woman.<BR>( and I hate to tell them, but there are no perfect women )<P>So they will go on searching... happy with a new exciting thing, disappointed when she isn't "the one" either. <P>Stay centered with yourself, maybe you are the real winner here.<BR>Lora

I know that same feeling of "this is not right". Even though my ex is already re-married to OW, I still feel like this is all some big mistake. Sometimes I am happy with my life now and sometimes I have weeks where it just all seems to futile and pointless. I am having one of those weeks right now. I know these down times come and that they do eventually go. It will for you too. I think this recovery process just takes a very long time. And I agree with c00ker, I will not date right now. My feelings about ex are not resolved yet. Also, I feel I have too much emotional baggage to have a real relationship with anyone else. I also have absolutely no desire to date at this point. I feel too vulnerable. Regardless, I don't think I'll try the marriage thing again. I don't think I could risk this kind of pain again. It's just not worth it. I would rather be alone than hurt like this. And by the way, you are NOT the loser here. It sounds like you did everything you could do. You are the better person here for trying to keep it together. He will never find happiness without, only within himself. Now, if I could just take my own advice. <P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

Hey Jo!!<P>Smile!!!<P>Go On, I dare you!!!<P> <P> <P>Just keep moving forward everyday and pretty soon your on the otherside!!<P>Bill<p>[This message has been edited by WilliamJ (edited January 14, 2001).]

Hi Jo,<BR>I also can relate to what you are going through. When my ex isn't venting on me and can talk to me in a civil way I hear the person that I thought I knew but I have come to the conclusion that even though we were together 13 years I don't think I ever really knew him. Boy that is so scary! I realize that I am not "finished" with my ex and know that I also cannot be in an emotional relationship until I am finished with him. I am not a believer in finding someone else quickly to replace the other person. This is what my ex is doing - he is going from our marriage and divorce right into another marriage without any reflection or personal therapy on himself and what went wrong with our marriage. He claims he just "fell in love" with his OW and could emotionally shut the door on me and start again with her. I want to be ok and happy with myself and glad he is out of my life before I start in a serious relationship with a new person. I will always be grateful to my ex for our daughter and do remember our good times. All of my friends tell me that I can never, ever take this man back after how badly he treated me and I know that they are right. <BR>In regards to his upcoming marriage I think it is a classic case of a single desperate woman with a huge biological clock ticking (she is 38 or 39) going after an arrogant man in the throes of MLC who was more than willing to be "caught".