Wife is blinded by the affair, says to hope for us, wants the divorce, sign paper next week....been very little communication last three weeks. Writing Plan B letter now, but.....does writing letters, some of romance, some of hurt and crushing, some of child.....help out any at all. Maybe just by not hearing my voice but reading heart felt letters could somehow reach her??? anyone done this alot and did it make a difference.<P>A Broken Man

I have found in my own situation that I seem to get through better to my husband when I write him letters. I forward them to him via mail. That way he can read them when he wants and can pick them up, put them down at his leisure. I always right a letter and let it sit over night and read it again before I send it to make sure when I have a clear head that it is in deed what I wanted to say.

Don't write letters unless you are willing to have the OP see it. <P>My H finds it easy to be cruel via email - probably because he sometimes has "help" writing them.

A broken man- <BR> Maybe it works for some... didn't work for me.. I poured my heart out in a couple of letters, seemed to get a sympathetic response but it was just because "he felt bad". I have given up on that... I almost agree with Nellie1... I constantly wonder if she read what I wrote...

When my wife first left me, I wrote her a few letters. When I next saw her I asked her if she had gotten them, and she told me she had gotten them but that she hadn't read them and wasn't going to read them.<P>I suspect that she turned them over to her lawyer. In my case, I would be delighted to see her try to use them against me, because that would at least mean she had read them. But be careful what you write!<BR>

DEAR ABM,<BR> WRITE!! They SAY they don't read them. They DON'T mention them BUT, it truly is the BEST way to get your point across. <BR> I once read a beautiful story on this board about a WS that came back and in the pocket of his pants was a letter his W wrote during the Affair. It was almost fallig apart from the folding and unfolding he did the MANY MANY times he read it. He told his W that this letter kept im going until he had the courage to come home. It was very touching. So, you never know. My W finally told me she has the MANY MANY cards and letters I have written over the last 15 months, still....<BR> So, speak from the heart, no judgements, no educating, NO LOVE BUSTERS. Just speak your heart. If you DON'T, you will always regret it AND wonder IF.... GOOD LUCK AND PRAYERS FRANK<P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom is why!!"<P>

I wrote several letters to my ex during our separation and except for the first one, I really didn't receive any type of resposne to any of them. I know that she received them because they were all hand delivered, but I'm not sure she read them. I can only hope that she did.<P>I poured out my heart and my soul in these letters, but she went through with the divorce anyway. I never expected the letters to stop her in her tracks, but I wanted to make sure that she was aware of my true feelings regardless of her decision.<P>If nothing else, writing these letters helped me along with the healing process since I wasn't keeping these thoughts and feelings bottled up inside.

Just be carefull what you say. My wife has entered the four letters over two and a half months that I wrote her in our custody battle. I hope the judge will see that I genuinly wanted to save my marriage. She is hoping that he will see that I am controling and manipulative. I think she is really looking for anything to twist to help her out. Just a word of caution.

I would say that it worked at first, and then it didn't...my H is very passive when it comes to conflict...not that I am a warrior or anything. but now it means nothing. He just ignores them. So I have stopped. <BR>Be careful what you put in them. If/when you hit the big D they may come back to haunt you.

I thought that writing would help--in fact, I used my savings to buy my computer just for that reason.<P>I wrote and wrote, trying to tell him that I loved him, trying to win him back. He wrote back--horrible, ugly, nasty, letters, denying any wrong doing (my husband had an affair) accusing me of crazy stuff. He told me that I was the one that was insane, that I hated him, that I was harassing him, ect. He threatened calling the police on me (for what? I still don't get that one.) He threatened to take my son away from me.<P>He would delete every letter that would have something to do with his affair when he responded.<P>Every letter I got brought me to tears--of frustration, of devestation. I pleaded my case. I contradicted him. Finally, when I could take no more, I would write something like "Fine then. You're a dork. I've tried. Have a nice life."<P>These few letters are the ones that he claims he's saved for him lawyer to prove that I am crazy and abusive.<P>So. . .If you write. . .make every letter sound like a love poem--don't even try to confront in a letter because the person may feel that they are being bombarded without a way to defend themselves, if that person is one that thrives on debate. That's the only advise that I can give.

Thanks everyone. I have so much to say and yes I want her to know how much I hurt and how devastated I am for her starting another life even before we have signed D papers....Maybe thinking that something about the hurt and our son will somehow shake her. I will be careful and will write mostly love story for that is really all I have for her....great hurt but greater LOVE.<P>A Broken Man

Every once in awhile I let my STBX know that I haven't given up. She wants to take me out to dinner for my birthday, so I'm going to send her a little thank you note afterwards and let her know that I haven't given up on us. No pining or pleading or anything like that, just a reminder that I'm still here and the door is open.<P>Be certain not to LB, and I think telling her how much she's huting you could be a big one. I'd also hold the emotions in check a little bit. Make sure she knows you still care and want very much to work together to rebuild the marriage, but I'd avoid anything to clingy or needy. Just my $0.02...<P>Take care...<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again