TO ALL,<BR> Well, I heard the words I thought I'd NEVER hear but prayed for MANY MANY times. "I want my life back, I want YOU back" my W said (oops exW) tearfully. WOW, hit me like a ton of bricks!! One little TINY catch, SHE MARRIED OM 7 days after our divorce was final!! Had to lie to the minister that married them during their "pre-marriage counseling that she was ALREADY divorced so he WOULD perform the ceremony!! Talk about FOG!!<BR> <BR> I posted just before the holidays about how about how she's been calling me EVERY day and we talk for HOURS on the phone. She hides the reason for the calls behind, our kids, our grandson, whatever. One time she called to ask if she should get gas in her car!!!!<BR> Well, that went on from July through September. Then one day she asked to meet me at the mall WITHOUT the "smoke screen" of our grandchild. We never hooked up that day and the calls STOPPED!! NO CONTACT for a month!!<BR> Then two weeks ago they started again. Most of the time she wanted to talk about us (after the "real" reason for the call ) And little by little she started to tell me how she was unhappy and kept telling me (tearfully) that I would meet someone soon and that this NEW woman BETTER not give her a hard time seeing our grandson etc...<BR> Well, because she is married now I have not:<BR>1) Told her I love her.<BR>2) Kissed her.<BR>3)Tried to call HER.<BR>4) I won't even TOUCH HER ON THE SHOULDER!! (actually I did once when we were crossing a parking lot with our GS and she almost JUMPED in front of the car I was saving her from!!) <BR> I have done all I could to respect her "marriage" to OM like I WISH he had with ours. BELIEVE ME it isn't easy to respect THAT Marriage!! He is old enough to be her Father and they had to LIE to a minister to GET Married!!<P> I wanted her in my life and just tried to be her "friend" so we could enjoy our GS and children without all the hate and BULLS*** that divorce brings and give them all the love THEY deserve. Always feeling in my heart, that she still loved me and this all happened for a reason. Sure I still love her but I CAN'T tell her now!!!<P> Well, one day she called and sounded exceptionally down. I asked her if she was OK. She burst into tears and told me she made a BIG mistake and she would have NEVER gone through with the divorce if her Father was alive (he died 2 months after she left with OM, he never knew)<BR> and then she said <BR>"I WANT MY LIFE BACK, I WANT YOU BACK, I WANT THE KIDS BACK BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT!! "<P> I had all I could do not to drive right over there and take her in my arms and "rescue" her. (hopeless romantic coming through look out!!) BUT, because my faith in God has grown so much through all this AND due to the GREAT wisdom of my TWO guardian angels Sheba and Lostva, (whom I'm sure are God's REAL angels and will dissapear as soon as this nightmare is over! ) I have learned that I CAN NOT save her this time. She needs to learn THIS TIME and in order for US to work THIS TIME we have to do it the RIGHT way THIS TIME. <BR> This will mean a LOT of changing on MY part. OUCH, but I have been changing and concentrating on ME this last 15 months and now I need to put the knowledge and growth into ACTION. <BR> My exW ALSO has to "Heal" and this was God's way of teaching her lessons she's needed to learn all HER life. This will heal her emotional problems and put out the trash she's been carrying all through her life. PRAISE GOD!! He is SOOOO wise and powerful!! His plan may be to heal us BOTH with one mighty swoop!!!<BR> Well, I'll keep you informed. I know we still have a long way to go and may NEVER get there but it was really good to hear what my HEART has known all along.<BR> GOOD LUCK AND PRAYERS FRANK<BR>P.S. TO BETRAYED MEN, YES, THERE IS HOPE IN ALL THESE "HOPELESS" SITUATIONS. AT LEAST HOPE.......<P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom is why!!"<P><p>[This message has been edited by PLEASE HELP (edited January 14, 2001).]

FRANK!!!!!!!!!<P>This is the best news that I have heard in quite some time.<P>I don't really have any advice, having been spectacularly unsuccessful keeping my own stuff together, but my thoughts and prayers are with you.<P>I started a paper route to pay the lawyer and this gives me a bunch of time to think. So I will be thinking of you at 2 am.<P>Take it slow and I hope it works out. Keep us posted.<P>Brian

Frank,<P>WOW!!!!<P>All I can think of is what is the next step...<P>They have been married almost a year, right?<P>I haven't a clue as to what the spiritual way to reconciliation is in this kind of situation...<P>Maybe give Steve Harley a call or Jennifer Chalmers...<P>Prayers to you old MB friend...<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR><P>May the roads rise to meet you,<BR>May the winds always be at your back,<BR>May the sun shine warm upon your face,<BR>The rains fall soft upon your fields,<BR>And until we meet again,<BR>May god hold you<BR>In the hollow of his hand.

Hey Granpabri<P>what fabulous news. Can I live out my fantasy of my ex-h doing that through you??<P>Pleeeeeeaaaaaaasssssssseeeeeeeeeee!!!<P>I've never posted to you, so I feel awful asking such a BIG ask, however, as that is never going to happen in my case, I would love to be happy for you. And believe me, I am.<P>I've just read about 2 people who were married when they were younger, got divorced, each re-married, (one of them 3 times), but they always kept tabs on each other through their children, and then, 32 years later, got remarried to each other. They realised that they each had some growing to do, but they also realised that they had never fallen out of love with each other, and decided to marry again.<P>What a beautiful story. Really gave me hope today. And now your story. Two great stories in one day. At least it looks like you won't have to wait 32 years for your ex-w to wake up.!!!<P>Now, all she has do is file, and talk, talk, talk. To you. <P>Be there for her, and be prepared for some trouble ahead. From what I read when I go to Recovery, that sometimes seems harder than being divorced.<P>What a wonderful man you sound like. She is so lucky to have someone like you, who has stood by her even when she has been horrible. I guess that is the meaning of true love. As I am discovering. And isn't it a wonderful thing. I will never stop believing in love.<P>Good luck to you, and I will follow your story with much pleasure.<P>big hugs to you<P>Jo

Frank,<P>Thanks for the note to come over to your post...<BR>...I would have come anyway...<BR>...but it got me here quicker.<P>Congratulations...<BR>...I know this was the direction you had long dreamed of.<P>...and Yes...<BR>...you will have your work cut out for you!<P>Recovery will not be a cake walk...<BR>...but it will be a most incredible journey...<BR>...it your W gives it even the slightest chance.<P>===========================================<P>I know you think the chances (of this happening) are the same for most everyone... <BR>...and I wish I could believe it for my case...<P>...it's just that I'm still too early on to see this happening<BR>...I've said that I've been late in moving to Plan B...<BR>...that is probably not true...<BR>(Even speaking to my oldest son this weekend...<BR>...he said to me "dad... you'll take mom back even after she marries <OM>..."<P>The real problem is that my W has seen vritually no "bad" consequences to her actions yet...<BR>...except for not being near the kids (gives herself a chance to be in a fantasy world)<BR>...no financial hardship<BR>...no feelings of loneliness (OM must be doing something right)<BR>...if there is guilt... she hides it from the kids (I see a little of it)<P>The real tough consequences come after the divorce...<BR>...paying the child support<BR>...being hit on the head by the SSA to pay back (some) of the money($35,000) she stole from son(my stepson)<BR>...and only if she realizes that <B>"no contact"</B> is <B>my</B> decision... <B>not her's</B>... will that be effective!<P>You probably don't remember much of the detail of the interactions (sad things) with my W. I put only [i]some[/b] of them in a reply to <B>Joe in Mich</B> in my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000594.html" TARGET=_blank>My Plan B Letter...</A> (about the middle of the thread).<P>I do forgive for all her indiscretions...<BR>...but if I don't move into Plan B...<BR>...I will be left with remembering them...<BR>...I need a place to protect my feelings for her...<BR>...where as in Plan B... it is easier to put memories aside... and in an annulment(if I ever get there)... to completely close the door on the matter.<P>I recognize that in time she and the OM will break up... like in your situation...<BR>...even after they marry...<BR>...but if you only knew of the things I have learned (found out) about my W... before and during the marriage...<BR>...you too might see a need for a Plan B.<P>========================================<P>I do pray for you...<BR>...and your W...<P>I know you'll need those prayers...<BR>...as will she.<P>Always keep your relationship with God ahead of you...<BR>...and all other relationship will flourish in His will.<P>Your friend...<P> <P>Jim

HI Brian,<BR> You're doing your best, that's all any of us can do. Thanks for the prayers you are in mine too. I never got a lawyer so I didn't need another job thankfully. I told her that if we started fighting over money, I would walk away from everything and she could have it ALL. I didn't want that between us too!! I will take my time, although it's SOOO hard!!<BR> <P>WilliamJ,<BR> The next step.... yes that's the hard part. She's been married only 6 months so maybe an annulment? As for the spiritual question, it's tough but I really doubt God has blessed this marriage. They lied ALL the way to the altar!! You can't hide from GOD!!<P>Jo<BR> Thanks for the kind words and the HUGS!! BOY do I miss the hugs!!! PLEASE feel free to learn from the MANY mistakes I'm SURE I'll still make!! As for me being a "wonderful man" well, I did have a HUGE part in making this happen you know!! God gave me a wonderful gift when he sent my Wife to me and through selfishness, greed and allright MOSTLY stupidity, I blew it!! As Sheba said, "They don't teach this stuff in school" !! I really never knew what Love was or how MUCH I loved her until God opened my eyes, REAL WIDE. I have a LOT of work to do FAST!! <P>Jim,<BR> I've always said "WE" know our WS best BUT, during this they are SOOOO NOT themselves! You have suffered much my friend but I still have hope for you guys. Sometimes God needs to let us "hit bottom" before he steps in.<BR> Don't think that your W isn't hurting, she is. Mine acted like this was the BEST time of her life. Really tried to convince everyone this was the RIGHT thing to do for ALL of us. But then I'd look in her eyes. (when she would make eye contact with me ) <BR> She wasn't there..... She smile never matched the EYES... My Wife wasn't even in there!! That's how I knew the "BAD" had her. Then every once in a while I'd catch her out of the corner on my eye and THERE! WAIT!! I think I saw her!! But she would disappear again. It was weird. Kind of like in the movie the "Exorcist" when Linda Blair cried out for a split second for help then changed back to the demon. Weird..... Your W is in there somewhere. Don't strike the demon because it's HER that will be feeling it. You know?? Thanks for the prayers and you'll be in mine as will all. Thanks guys Keep it coming!! GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS FRANK

Hi, Sweetie!<P>Have you done your homework? <P>Luv ya!<BR>Lori

Hi Frank,<P>I am so happy for you my friend, everything seems to be falling into place now.<P>I hope you take this one step at a time and let her work her way through this at her own pace. She seems to be still confused as to why she married this guy and let you go, only she can find the answers, let her sift through her feelings and thoughts at her own leisure and I bet she will make the right decision at the end.<P>Thank you for your note, I was thinking of you and praying for you.<P>Let me know of your progress, because from here on in it can only be progress, the worst is over and the best is yet to come!<P>Love you<P>Gabe

YES MOMMA LORI I DID Picked up the book and the workbook the next day. Read the intro and will get going today. LOve & Prayers FRANK<BR> <P>GABE!! <BR> When did you change your MB name? I have AGONIZED watching her progress through this MESS wanting to TELL her what was ahead. But, I wait and wait for her to find the road herself. She's stepped onto it BUT it scares me that she's not being honest with OM-H about her feelings. I hope the worst is over BUT I fear that the HARD work has just begun!! Drop me a line and update me my friend I NEED to know you guys are alright!! Praying for you too as always!! LOve FRANK