Hey all, me again. I need some advice on living arrangements. As of right now I am staying at my parents house until my W finds her a place to stay. That in itself raises an argument between us. I have given her until the end of the month to find someplace, at that time my plans are to move back to the house and go about my life as if "alone" again. (My oldest will still live with me, I'm trying to get the second oldest to live with me as well but my W is throwing a fit over it)<P>That would make it two with me and two with her. The two with me are in school and I told her that she could pick them up from school therefore seeing them everyday until I get off work. I would have two through the week and every other weekend I would have all four and every other weekend I would have none, and vice versa with her. Does that not sound fair? Here's the kicker, my second oldest is autistic and receives SSI. Right now she is counting on using his money and child-support to sustain her. So if he stays with me she would not have his money and child-support would decrease. She is not happy about that.<P>Back to the original question, at the end of the month should I move back whether she's out or not or should I wait until she finds someplace. Should I move back sooner? As of right now I am keeping the house after the divorce. (She can't afford it, matter of fact I don't know that I can with the addition of CS) I want to keep it for the kids though, I bought it with them in mind and will try to hold on to it.<P>So, what to do what to do. Any advice appreciated.<P>God Bless<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

I sure wouldn't invade where I wasn't welcome, even if I happen to own the place. It would seem to me that continuity of residence would be important for the autistic child, and would justify him being with you in the old home ... regardless of her feelings about it. The right thing to do would be to offere a modest extension if necessary (a week or so), but get her out of there more or less timely. Good luck.

Paul,<BR>You probably need to watch she isn't making an end run and trying to keep the house herself and somehow you ending up paying for it.<P>I try not to be too cynical, but divorce does that to me. Is the SSI for the child or is it true support that can be used by the family. I think its WilliamJ that is having problems in that his stbx stole her son's SSI. <P>I guess my first thought is don't trust her with the money. I don't trust my x and she never did any of the financial things like run up bills or buy om stuff other than a few trinkets.<P>Sorry to be so negative. NOt much help here. I think you are correct in keeping the home for the kids. Thats what I'm doing. I question if I'm doing the right thing though as it takes almost all my pay to keep things going. I wonder if I should move to a smaller place and then not have this house hanging over my head and then I could really spoil the kids.<P>Bob<P>

Sisyphus: Invade? You think so? Hmmmmm...I kind of looked at it as I'm tired of getting screwed over and it's time for her to grow up type thing. I do want my son to stay in his "routine", but the money seems to be critical to her.<P>RWD: She mentioned keeping the house yesterday until I explained to her that even with my child support she could not pay for it and maintain utilities etc. I think she has given that up, so now she wants me to get my family to help her find a place. She amazes me sometimes.<P>Spoke with her a few minutes ago, she pretty much said she won't let second oldest live with me, I guess I'm going to have to go the very expensive very frustrating court route. <P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Paul Moyers:<BR><B>Sisyphus: Invade? You think so? Hmmmmm...I kind of looked at it as I'm tired of getting screwed over and it's time for her to grow up type thing.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I took the marital bed on a few occasions when we were in "separate bedrooms" ... then-STBX slept on mattress that hurt her back, later she went to her brother's to sleep on a cot. This did nothing whatsoever to help the situation. It was simply me being a taker. <P>You have better justification. And perhaps if you move back in she will move out. But the point would be that "imposing yourself" on her will only create hard feelings.<P>

I think at this point hard feeling are going to be the norm. Perhaps if I moved back it would be a chance for her to see that I'm still a good person and deserve my kids. Gee, it almost sounds as if I want her back... No chance...<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

Paul,<P>If you're thinking of the court route, I'd suggest that you get to a lawyer pretty quick. I'd be uncomfortable with YOU having moved out of the house---they can call that "abandonment". On the other hand, you don't want to unnecessarily antagonize your wife either.<P>I'd go the lawyer route at this point. You're in the mode where you have to protect the kids, and I'd find a lawyer who can help you do that.

Paul,<P>This is tough advive to give as everyone has they're own ideas...<P>Here are mine...<P>A) Move back in and have her be the one to leave. After all she is the one that wants out...<P>B) Find a good attorney. One that will tell you how it is and not blow smoke up your *** and take your money...<P>C) Remember this is an uphill battle and can get very ugly, depending on your W's level of resentment...and your own...<P>D) Do not make any decisions that are born out of emotions!!!! They will ultimately be bad ones!<P>E) Take away all the feelings going on inside you and divorce boils down to buisness decisions...<P>F) Decide what your best interests are, I am certain that your children are #1 on that list...<P>I know there is more but it isn't comming to me at this time...<P>The arraingments you have in mind now do seem reasonable enough...<P>It is NSR/Jim who's ex ran off with the SS$<P>You have my Email Addy...Feel free to drop me a line any time.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR><P>May the roads rise to meet you,<BR>May the winds always be at your back,<BR>May the sun shine warm upon your face,<BR>The rains fall soft upon your fields,<BR>And until we meet again,<BR>May god hold you<BR>In the hollow of his hand.

I can't imagine doing anything that would cause your children to live apart from each other. Not only do they have to suffer through their parents' divorce, but they have to lose their siblings as well, for most of each week? It is bad enough when divorce leaves a whole in the family, but to rip the entire fabric of the family apart is inconceivable to me. <P>

Paul...<P>Bill says all the things I would have!<P>Do move back...<BR>...and yes... go with Plan A as best as possible for as long as possible.<P>For the lawyer...<BR>...I usually make the recommendation of finding a <B>good</B> attorney. A good place to start off is at the <A HREF="http://lawyers.martindale.com/marhub/form/by.html" TARGET=_blank>Martindale-Hubbell Lawyer Search</A> site. Do a search within your county... look for only "family law" specialists(>80% in divorce/custody/etc.)... make sure they do a lot of "family law committee work"... if they know the judges all the better... You can normally find a few that will give initial counseling free of charge.<P>...you have my love.<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>