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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 28
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OP
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 28 |
After a couple of years of a wife in and out of depression, not wanting to be married....wanting to spend time with male friends and little regard for our marriage....wanting a divorce....I went to a lawyer today.......<P>My wife was furious as we said we wanted to work on this together..get one lawyer.....she basically attacked me.....She was the one that thought Divorce was what she wanted.....but I think she realizes her life style will change......she wants all the benefits of financial security etc...but wants nothing to do with giving in the marriage.........<P>She said she won't divorce me now....that I will have to do it.....but she will not be the wife I want...she will be a prisoner etc...because after 12 years she is getting nothing...that she is screwed...that she wasted 12 years of her life......<P>I want out....but don't want to leave her poor.....and want my kids to be taken care of............I still love who she used to be.....but don't want to stay married any longer.....Why does this hurt so bad?
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Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 1,514
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Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 1,514 |
"Went Nuts" (over on that other thread) is a disrespectful judgment. Tell her that having her stay while feeling like a prisoner is *not* something you consider a victory. Tell her that there is *no* victory you alone can have ... get to a workshop if you can, otherwise read books by Harley, Gottman, Weiner-Davis, Dobson, etc.<P>Didn't you do something behind her back? That is a reason *not* to trust you. But since she was talking divorce, you couldn't trust *her* either, and needed to know where you stood. Neither of you is cutting the other much slack right now. <P>Why don't you make the first conciliatory move? <P>
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 28
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OP
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 28 |
Thanks...for the words...you are right about the fact we are not cutting each other slack....We are both doing stuff to push each others buttons even if subconciously.......I did tell her I want to quit hurting her........that we need to stop the hurt.......she wants to end the marriage...because she is tired of crying....even after all of this it still hurts.....wish there was some resolve.....but we have tried everything....she wants to end it......
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