Well, we had quite a good run on the other thread, "What do girls look at". Now, we have another topic to tackle.<P>First, I want to say that this is a wierd topic, because it means a lot of things to a lot of people. However, I think we all recognize that as our stbx's and x's do go on, so do we. Eventually, as we are ready, the day will come when the situation presents itself to consider going on a date. I don't want to comment here on when that should be, how much time should pass, or how that may or may not reflect on the commitment, etc. <BR>Rather, when each one of us determines that we're ready to try, what are some good rules of etiquette? My thought here is that the guys probably wonder if they should open doors, and the chicks probably wonder how long they should sit in the car before he opens the door (haha). You know what I mean!<P>To start the ball rolling, here are some of my thoughts:<P>I appreciate any guy that expresses an interest a) because I'm flattered and b) because he was willing to take a risk. Thus, as a chick, if I'm not interested, I'll be soft and gentle--but if I am, I'll say, "YES! YES! YES!"<P>If I see a man I am interested in, I usually want to get to know him a little, but just so you know, I would ask a man out. Chicks these days do ask out the men.<P>I appreciate a man opening doors and holding out chairs; however, if I approach a door first, and he's not really around, I am perfectly capable of open a door myself. Thus, if I come up to a door and he's not around, I will open it myself and keep it open for him to follow me in.<P>I know it's hard, but especially on the first date, I appreciate a man who tries to maintain some self-discipline and doesn't "manhandle" me--in other words, don't be all hands and all sex jokes on the first date! However, have a nice time, be yourself, tell jokes, and have a nice, friendly kiss good night at the end.<P>Whoever asks out, plans the date (where to eat and what to do) and pays for the date. I have no problem sharing costs, but if I ask you out, I expect to pay for the pleasure of your company, and if you ask me out, I expect you to pay for me. However, I am a grown up, and I don't mind going "my turn/your turn".<P>Good date ideas: go to a musical event (a band, a concert, or a singer); the art museum; the zoo; a game (Little League baseball, football, soccer); bike ride in the park; rent a movie and stay in and cuddle; work out and then a health food place; martini bar; a play; a playground; playing with your pets (dogs, cats, horses--anyone got a snake? I do!); a drive-in movie; swimming; people-watching at the mall; a limo ride. <P>Okay, there are some ideas to get you'all started. I know it's a little wierd, but let's help each other out!<P><BR>CJ<P><P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

FW, <BR>Good thread....<BR>I dated a few men if you would call them dates after my divorce...I would meet them for a drink, dinner, one came and got me and took me to the movies. <P>I would want a friend first, before any kind of romance. <BR>I appreciate the little things men do, opening doors, asking me to order first, etc. <BR>I agree that I prefer that if a man asks me out, he pay, but I would pay if I asked him!! And, if it continues, there is nothing wrong with switching on and off. <BR>Movies are great, going and having a drink, roller blading, going to a sports event, doubling up with another couple, cards ( I love to play cards!!)<BR>One of the best dates I had was him coming to my house, bringng his son and all of us playing board games with my teens. That was a blast!!<P>------------------<BR>Susan

Well, <P>Of course Sex jokes & physical contact on the first date is kind of a stretch for me, but I agree with the basic ideas. I think meeting for coffee and a walk on the beach might be a nice first date as well as a bike ride or maybe dinner.<P>I think that first date is usually kind of awkward, so something low key is probably best for me. <P>BTW CJ, a snake? <P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

CJ,<P>Great thread. After talking to women for most of my adult life, I still don't have the faintest idea what is expected of me.<P>Have figured out that when a woman asks a man what he is thinking about, the correct answer is that he's thinking about her.<P>Already caught on to the fact that the "You don't have to get me anything for my birthday" story means I'm already in hot water.<P>Finally, even though a woman has not even the slightest interest in his amorous advance, a man should still have the decency to try. <P>Yep, still as lost as a goat in a hailstorm.<P>Bumper

Nick,<P>Yes, I have a snake. He is a tan, brown and white California King snake, and his name is Pinkie, because his tan looks pink. Also, there is quite a running joke when we put dinner in his cage (a mouse) it is "Pinkie and The Brain". Hilarious, isn't it? <P>He's quite a soft snake. Can you believe I used those two words in the same sentence? Neither can I, but it's true! He likes to curl up in my hand or in my pocket and watch TV. Football is his favorite, followed by police chase shows. Sounds wierd, doesn't it, but he's actually kind of cuddly. Sometimes, he crawls into my sleeve and curls up by my heart and goes to sleep. He LOVES those warm places!!<P>I have an 11yo dog named Spuds and a 3mo. old kitten named Buttercup(normal pets), and my other unusual pets are a firebelly frog, an anole (a very tiny lizard) named Baby, and an iguana named Vegie Man. <P>I know, it's a zoo. If you'all want to come to my house on your first dates, it as interesting as any zoo--has just as many animals--and I won't charge admission! Heehee. Okay, now back on topic!<P>Bumperii! Bumperii, where are you? You ARE lost, man! Please, I'm begging you--take notes! haha. <P>Carry on, folks. <P>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Hmmm. Thoughts. I have been out of the game so long that I have a hard time remembering things like who calls who first, how to make introductions, what is a reasonable time to wait before a kiss, etc etc. <P>A good book to read is Mars and Venus on a date. It dicusses the five (6?) stages of dating: attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy, and some I don't remember. It is very insightful.<BR>

Yikes!<P>I barely dated as a teenager and now you want me to figure out how to do it as a thirtysomething???<P>Hmmmm....<P>Low pressure activity to break the ice (especially if you don't know them as a friend first) to overcome the awkwardness... something like a group thing - playing softball with mutual friends, or window shopping a bookstore (you can get to know each other more by seeing what you each like to read), etc.<P>I like the idea of going for a cup of coffee at a Starbucks or something and then just sitting and talking...then when the ice is broken I would be more comfortable with movies or going out dancing ( I LOVE MEN WHO LOVE TO DANCE!), etc.<P>Mix it up - the unexpected "quirky" date activities seem more interesting to me than the standard dinner and a movie.<P>I like to go out in groups of friends too - especially if you have mutual friends or wish to - I have always like the camraderie of hanging with the gang. (too bad stbx got all our mutual friends in the property settlement )<P>Slowly, slowly, slowly - take things slowly...the English teacher in me feels compelled to quote a line from a great tragedy (Romeo and Juliet)..."Wisely and slowly; they do stumble that run fast." A twinkle in his eye that says he'd like to "banter" on more personal topics but resists the temptation on the first date or so says a lot about a man...I'd like that man I think.<P>Geez, I've got butterflies do the limbo in my stomach right now just pondering the ever-so-distant and remote possibility that someday I'll be ready to date someone else. YIIIIIKKKKKEEESSSS!<P>Lisa

soon2balone<P>What grade/level/course in English do you teach? I teach it also. Just curious.

gsd:<P>High school English (freshman), journalism, theatre arts and an occasional Pacific Northwest History.<P>I keep trying to tell WIFFTy that not all teachers are bizarre control freaks...maybe between the two of us, we can convince him! <P>Lisa

Soon2balone<P>Keep trying. In the meantime, try to convince my ex husband. <P>I teach journalism too. Actually, yearbook. I'd like to pull my hair out, too. Do men like bald women?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by gsd:<BR><B>I'd like to pull my hair out, too. Do men like bald women?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Well, there was always the bald alienn in the first Star Trek movie...and Sigourney Weaver in Aliens 3 (the prison movie)...beyond that I'm not sure...but a bald, controlling woman? Hmmmm...I can just picture the baton being slapped against your hand while you say..."What we have here is a failure to communicate!" <P>Lisa<P>