I, at times, see small glimpses of a future without my STBX. I can't get past my deep sorrow and pain, especially due to the fact that he loves this OW and cares so deeply about her and believes her to be the "injured party" in all this. My God, doesn't he realize what he has done, and what he has done to another person, let alone his wife? It is abviously a very bad day for me, and I will be moving out shortly. I love him (loved) so very deeply and now feel so unworthy. God, I want to be happy again.

Hi REJECTED,<P>Of course you will survive. There many of us here who understand the pain of rejection and the loss of someone you imagined spending the rest of your life with.<P>The pain will begin to fade, but it takes time. In the mean time it probably would be a good idea to begin working on yourself and your future. That way, if he ever decides that the OW is not all she's cracked up to be, there you will be, a strong happy person and probably more attractive to him than ever before. even is he doesn't you will have accomplished something very important, a better stronger YOU.<P>It is the most painful experinence imaginable, just ask any of us. There are many wise and compassionate people on this forum who will offer you counsel. It has helped me immeasurably over the past few months.<P>Take care...<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

To be a success story around here...<BR>...a <I>happy</I> success stroy...<BR>...you have to change.<P>Check out one of my earlier posts... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/003302.html" TARGET=_blank>The Parable of the Tree Dwellers</A>...<P>A collection I started a while back and... I plan to continue some day...<BR>...when I'm not so busy with work and kids.<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

The pain of going through this kind of rejection is almost unbearable. Almost everyone posting on this board is the betrayed spouse. And we have all survived. You will make it. But the road to freedom and healing is a long and difficult road. And the peace and joy found there are well worth the stuggle you will face as you work daily on yourself. If you do not have a therapist/counselor with whom to work (if not on your marriage then on yourself), I recommend you find one. I can not imagine making this journey without mine. (God, bless Phil.)<P>Meanwhile, look at your comment that you feel so unworthy. Do you mean that you don't deserve this pain? Do you mean that you don't deserve the man your husband has become? Do you mean that you don't deserve happiness? Of what do you feel unworthy?<P>You do deserve to trust and be trusted. You do deserve happiness. You do deserve love. You ARE worthy.<P>We can say that all day long. And you won't believe it for a while. But work hard, if not on Plan A, then on yourself - and one day you'll believe it.<BR>

{{{{{{{{{{Rejected}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>It does get better, and there is a future. The pain and sorrow just takes time to start easing up. Get out. Call your friends and family. Hang out here. All of those things help in thier own little way. If you feel like you need it, go to a counselor. <BR>Like cooker said... we have all been there and are still there.. Work on yourself and maybe the fog will lift for him.. Just make sure you take care of yourself..

I hate to say give it time, but that is what its going to take. My hell began one year ago today. There were times when I didn't think I was going to get through the day; night time was always miserable. Things are still not rosy, but they are better. I know I will be okay. <P>If you really are having a hard time coping, seek counseling. Your friends and family love you and it will be hard for them to be objective...you can also wear them out. If there is a divorce recovery group around, go. Misery loves company and the support and input from others going through similar situations is somehow comforting. Don't put a time limit on your recovery. As the days roll into weeks and months, you will see a little more light. Try to think about the good things in your life. Believe it or not there are others out there much worse off. Be grateful this happened now in your early 30's than later when you are in your late 50's and not too employable if you had been out of the workforce for awhile. <P>Try to be kind to yourself and realize that sometimes things do happen for a reason. Right now that reason isn't clear and may seem terribly unjust, but someday, perhaps you'll find the answer. There is something or someone better out there for you...just don't give up hope; never give up hope. Try to find something positive in your life every day...even if it's just someone waving you on in traffic. Sometimes we are so absorbed in our own pain we forget to notice the kindness of others.<P>