Two weeks ago, I offered to spend most of the nights at my parents. At the time, it seemed very logical as my daughters do rely on their mother for emotional support. I think my wife appreciated my generosity. This last week was better than the first---seems everyone is adjusting, but it sure hurts like hell for me not to be around them every night and morning. There have been a couple of times when I was at the house when she arrived or was there. Was hit with immediate nasty verbage as to "why are you here?" So, I have been very careful, not to cross paths. Today, she was to take youngest to soccer---could have went at 1 or at 5. In a brief phone call this morning with her, she said she would have the other daughter to call and let me know when they were going. Son was home from college. At 4:30, I call and talk to oldest and find out they went to the early option. Son has been there all day too. My question is we have no formal, legal agreement for this arrangement. I may be paranoid, but I think the alien is making it appear that I don't want to be there with the kids. I plan on writing a non-combative e-mail to my wife tomorrow, stating that I sure would have liked to have gone to the house yesterday. If it gets ugly, do I tell her I am coming back full time? Can she get some type of order keeping me from going back home?

desperately confused,<P>Being away from your W means you can't do the best Plan A that is possible.<P>Definitely move back...<BR>...give her a short time (couple of days at most) to adjsut to it.<P>She can't keep you out...<BR>...unless she files some form of abuse complaint.<BR>(most likely won't do that with the kids home... especially your son)<P>If your name is on the deed/mortgage/lease...<BR>...there is no legal way (except abuse.)<P>Go home...<BR>Plan A.<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

It sure does seem like the best thing to go home. But, I will definitely pi$$ her off. I expect, she will say she is renting an apartment and moving out. If this happens, then the girls are right smack dab in the middle. I don't want to negatively impact their entire lives due to a nasty divorce.

If you hope to have any chance at custody, move back in now. Don't wait. Both of you have every right to be there with the kids. If things start to get nasty, file for an emergency custody order. If she doesn't want to be around, make her move out.<P>It has already gotten nasty. Protect yourself and your children.

Right now it sounds like you are letting her manipulate or control you. That's not good for anyone.<P>You might try to establish some rules or boundaries to reduce the potential for conflict (e.g. you might make out a schedule for when you will be at home). If you can work this out jointly, it <I>might</I> reduce the opportunity for blame. But if your wife won't cooperate, then you need to act on the basis of what is <I>right</I>, not on the basis of how your wife might (or might not) react.<BR>

I will e-mail her tomorrow after I have had some time to think about this. I will forward her comments for all of you to read. I don't want to overact to a simple miscommunication.