I finally found out last night that my H is having an affair. I suspected he was having an EA when he left me in November and I think it has now turned physical. He told me he is seeing this woman now and has been since the end of December. He will not say whether they are physical yet. He still wants to go ahead w/ dissolution papers but I told him I am not ready at this time. The pain I feel right now is great. I can't sleep or eat. I have been under Plan A since November and I have been seeing a ocunselor since December when I first caught them together. I keep thinking their realationship will turn more serious. Its hard the OW is at least 35 w/ 3 children and is going thru a divorce also, she lives w/ her parents my husband and I are 29 w/ no children. They work together. I do know and have admitted to the things that led to this affair but my H says it is too late to fix the marriage he says too much has been said and done. My h is currently staying w/ his grandparents. I am so distraught right now.

Well, at least it's out in the open. Continue with Plan A. Don't do things to drive him closer to her. There are too many complications to the new relationship (children, inverse age difference, fact that she doesn't stand on her own financial feet). <P>If you do a good Plan A and Plan B, you should be emotionally OK and ready for whatever happens.

You will be in my thoughts today!<P>Know that you are not alone and that we all care about you.<P>Take care of yourself.

I am sure that we all have had or are having feelings very similar to yours. I know it hurts but you will make it, just keep your head up and do the right thing.<P>Everything happens for a reason but a lot of times we don't see clearly why until later.<P>Hang in there.

Isnt this just the worst thing to find out. When I did I could hardly breathe. It is so soul destroying, I really know what you are going through.<P>All I can say is be strong and use us. The person they have chosen to be with isnt half of what you are. My H and the OW have both been married twice each and she has 2 boys we have 1 D but stbx thinks he will be better off with her Yeah Right.<P>Oh trs I feel so sorry for you to find out now. Please email me if you need someone<BR>rosem66@xtra.co.nz<P>Take care love and kisses and a big warm hug<P>Rosey

Thank you all. Yesterday H told me he went and handed in paperwork and we are now seperated for 30 days until whatever paperwork (divorce or dissalution) I want him to file will be started. I'm confused in the state we live in there is no seperation?? Talked to my lawyer he is also confused. I think deep down my H does still cares but feels he has done too much for us to come back together. He did say that if he came back I would never trust him again. I told him he could not just come right back that he would have to go to counseling by himself than we would start going as a couple. Than he could come back. He said its easier to just keep seeing the OW. I think in some ways he has respect for me and knows everything he is doing is wrong and I don't deserve him. I really think he will go thru with the paperwork and thats it. I am on Plan B now. I know someday my life will be better. I just wonder when? The good news is that him and OW can never take away what I have inside, my H may have hurt me but I will heal.

{{{Trs}}}<P>Hugs for you in this time of hurt. Sisyphus is correct in that there are too many potential problems with his OW relationship for it to keep going. Keep in Plan A for yourself and just know that a divorce isn't final til the papers are signed and there's many ways of slowing things way down.<P>Lori