Dear Mistysnow:<br>I just read your post under "All opinions needed--H says he doesn't love me anynore". My heart goes out to you. <p>i, too, wrote some letters on here about my story. my H of over nine years said that he didin't love me on 12-18-98. my life has been complete hell since then. worse than anything i've ever gone through.<p>one thing i did try, to get my H to open up, was to ask him to read some of Dr. Harley's concepts. we also complete the quesitonnaires. that really helped identify problems!! it was an eye opener.<p>please hang in there. you sound quite dedicated and it sounds hopeful for your marriage. let us know how you are doing!!

Dear disillusioned,<br>Yes i am quite dedicated to saving my marriage. i love him very much and do not want to lose him. but if he won't talk to me or anyone else about what it is that is bothering him then neither i nor anyone else can help or do anything to make things better. i cannot start to fix what is wrong if i don't know what it is i am dealing with. he told me night before last that he wants to separate. so my world crashed even more. i just don't know what to do. i did write a letter to him yesterday and left it for him last night. i left the house before he came home from work.....told him i would stay out of his way until he decided what it is he wants to do. i just basically told him that he owed me to tell me what it is that i have done to make him feel this way and that our marriage is repairable and that i love him and need him. i told him that if he couldn't talk to me face to face to write it down. i went to the movies by myself to pass time last night and saw "you've got mail" and then went to a friend's house for a little bit. came home and he was at the table trying to write down his thoughts. but when i came in the door he acted like he wasn't doing anything. when i pulled up i saw him through the blinds. and so i took the dogs for a walk and when i came back went straight to bed. i got up this morning and on the table was a pad that nothing was written on and my letter. so........i have no clue as to where it is my life is going. it is up in the air. i would welcome any advice or suggestions you can give me. i love him so much and just cannot picture my life without him. thanks in advance.<br>mistysnow

Mistysnow,<p>here's a huge (((((((HUG)))))) for you. i have truly been in your shoes. at first, my H just couldn't "figure out" his feelings. you can read some of my story on some of these postings. But, now, this has been going on for a month and, for me, it has been spiraling downward.<p>i don't mean to dicourage you. i just want to tell you that you're at the beginning of a long process with it's ups and downs.<p>try to get your H to read these materials, and maybe some letters from here. my H was actually willing to do that, and he did eventaully identify that he was tired of all of my criticism.<p>read His Need/Her Needs and all of Dr. Harley's information. it really helps. i loved my H very, very much, too, but have only come to find out that he is NOT the person i thought he was. that i loved some fantasy i had in my head, i guess. several of us have been in your shoes, and it is extremely painful. you should get counseling, at least for yourself, if possible. i wish i would have started that right away.<p>let me know what happens with your situation. keep a positive attitude, and keep reading. take a walk. give him space. focus on yourself. keep breathing. i know it's hard. Bless you. Take care!!!