If so why and what have you tried. <P>I keep thinking I am very close but then there is still a bit of hope as we continually gain more insite as we fight/make-up and learn from it.

Janiee in New Zealand we cant get divorced for 2 years after seperation.<P>When H left for another woman I filed for seperation immediately. I did plan A for a while but felt too much like a door mat. I am now in plan B but not to get him back for myself only.<P>I do not talk to him and only email him about D. He has no respect for me.<P>I have lots of sad and angry days but I am getting there. I have come a long way in 2 1/2 months

I recently filed for divorce. I am tired of the games. H had affair, will go to his grave admitting it wasn't physical...we all know otherwise. For the past year my life has been h*ll. He loves me but will do nothing to make this work...in Nov he took a job 3000 miles away, said he would be home and to date has not. I had to ask him 2 weeks ago what was going on. I suspect there is a new woman...I don't need this anymore. I could forgive and move on but he has kept us in this limbo. It is time for me to move on. I am young, no children...I deserve to be happy with or without a spouse. This may seem selfish, but it is a self respect issue. I don't believe in divorce...correction..didn't believe in it. But I can honestly say that I did all I could...he won't even file...but I know he is up to his ways again. I need to move on. He has been in the fog for over a year now...almost year and a half. I have reached my limit. I do have peace with my decision. It isn't easy, filing was hard. But I did it...and I feel like a piece of me that I had surrendered to him to make the decision is back....I feel like I could go on Oprah and say that I am reclaiming my own power <BR>It takes us each in our own time to make the decision. Those who have children it is harder...if you have a 2 year waiting period I would get signed up...worst that can happen is he comes around right? wink wink<P>I hope you find peace with this...I have been there...the teatering...funny once you have made your decision...for me I know it is the right decision there is no going back I have no hope that he will snap out of this...and if he does I don't think I could ever really trust or believe him.<BR>take care of yourself

I absolutly, ABSOLUTLY feel exactly like what cpickel feels. Just change it to me being a man, and the SBTXW moved about 10 miles away, ABSOLUTLY!!. <P>One child but want more, everything, everything else DITTO!!.. <P>I could never get it out but, cpickel THANKS BIG TIME!!!.. <P>I'm tired of it!! <P>Excellent work cpickel. Holy Moly this post makes me feel better.. ;-) Good Post.

I can't make up my mind--should I go ahead and do it? Someone, or something has to give. I don't want a divorce, either, but I can't live married/single, head of household/dependant, single parent/trying to keep my son's life in consideration of his father. I hear from my spouse about 2x a month--he promises to call, but doesn't. (In fact, he promised to call this weekend, heard nothing from him, but when I logged on this morning, the messager service said he was on-line. He is in Japanese time zone, it was the wee hours of the morning there, so "whoever" he was talking to had to be more important than his family. Gee, I wonder who that could be?)<P>I asked my mom. I figured, now that I am 34, it would be a good time to start listening to her. I asked her if I should go ahead and file. She told me "No. He started this mess, so let him be a man and finish it." But he won't. He threatens to, with every imaginable scare tactic he can use. Police. Kidnapping the child. "Ruining" my life. Ect.<P>I know that in my previous marriage, where I had wandered away--if my husband had not filed for a divorce, I would have returned to him eventually, after I had my mind in order. He filed for divorce, realized his hand in the demise of the marriage, THEN started plan A, so to speak. By then, it was just heartbreaking for me because I was already dating someone new and accepting my first husband's new-found kindness at the same time. But, 1st husband and I were already divorced. I saw that door closed legally, and it helped my decision to go on with my single life.<P>But that's just me, I guess. I can't speak for my husband, who is still enthralled with nasty ol Miss Kitty.<P>I keep this in mind, however, whenever I decide to pick up the yellow pages and try to (UGH!) find a decent, competent lawyer. (A chore.)