Since this whole situation started one of the things that I learned is that H wanted to have more children.. (He has three, two grown, 1 almost grown). We had talked a little about it, but I more or less blew it off. I didn't think that he really wanted any more and that the time we had would be selfish and "our time".. He thought I was totally against it and started to act like he was also... <BR> Now...after reading Jayhawks thread about taking them back.. I am wondering.. I now have a job that would be almost impossible to have children with (travelling all the time) and with the house, bills, etc.. we would need me to make the money that I make to pay them... <BR> Was having/not having children a part of anyone elses demise?? Just curious..

The issue of having children was an issue for my STBX husband. I was blindsided by this issue because we were together for 13yrs., and he knew all along that I wanted children. We are just "planners" and wanted it to be the right time. You know, debts paid, $ in the bank, home ownership. Apparently he was just making excuses. I knew he wasn't gung hoe, but we would talk about it, even throw possible names at each other, I did have a couple of miscarriages and when we thought I was pregnant, he was okay with it, even excited. When I felt there were problems in our marriage (March of 2000), and I kept probing as to what the issues were that he was having. I would ask him point blank are you having an affair- NO! Are you struggling with some sort of inner turmoil? NO- What he did say was that he didn't want children. I then asked him if he still wanted to be married to me, and he said yes.<BR>I look back on everything now and think he was telling me half truths and trying to get me to take the "out". All along he was having an affair with a woman who has a young son (the child has a father who is quite active in his life). This past weekend he told me again that even if we were to reconcile, he really does not want children of his own. He really needs to seek counceling, because he has so many issues from his childhood, he is really screwed up. Everyone keeps telling me how lucky I am that I am "fairly young" and can still find someone and start a family. All I really wanted was to stay married to him and have his children! Wish me luck!

We agreed on two, boy, girl<BR>Got two, boy/girl.<P>The girl was a difficult pregnancy, <BR>complicated by her latent bowel disease<BR>surfacing. Girl was 6 weeks premie.<P>I sensed something was wrong, but could not get her to slow down or tell the doctor in<BR>the same words as I wanted her too.<P>So one of her regrets was not having a third child to redo what she felt was her wanting to do it right to make up for the not so right one.<P>I told her that was not a good reason for having more children, and did not want to have any more. They are expensive, and I wanted to do a good job with two than spread too thin with three.<P>She agreed with me after awhile, told me about the benefits, etc. But when you are in the fog, meaning, she had given up and I started to change as I didn't realize she didn't have the staying power, you exhibit anger, and that was part of the anger.<P>good luck<P>If they need counseling from a screwed up childhood, i believe to move on! <P>They have to want to change, and believe me, that is very, very hard to do unless they really want to do it.<P>tom<BR>

That would be a big 'YES' from here - in fact - it really was one of the deciding factors for me to move to divorce. <P>I have wanted children for 15 years - we put it on hold for my husbands career, were in the middle of starting fertility work when I learned about the most recent girlfriend. <P>My husband wanted to 'work things out' but didn't want to consider children for a few more years - he would then be 46 and I would then be 43....<P>I had to make a tough decision - it was just one factor of my decion - but a big one....