HELP...HE SAYS HE IS IN LOVE WITH ME BUT YET HE DOES NOT DESIRE ME PHYSICALLY BECAUSE IM FAT. HE TOLD ME IM KNOW CAROL AND STACY WHO ARE VERY SEXY WOMEN AND IF I WANTED MORE SEX THEN I SHOULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. I REALLY BELEIVE THAT IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE YOU LOVE THEM FOR ALL THAT THEY ARE. YES, I AM OVERWEIGHT. I AM TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT FOR MYSELF. TO BECOME MORE HEALTHY. COULD HE POSSIBLY BE IN LOVE WITH ME AND NOT DESIRE ME? WE HAVE SEX ABOUT 1 TIME A MONTH AND ALL THE WHILE I KEEP THINKING HOW GROSS IT MUST FEEL FOR HIM AND HE IS PROBALLY ONLY DOING IT BECAUSE HE NEEDS RELEASE. HE HURT ME SO BAD BY COMPARING ME TO MY 2 FRIENDS MENTIONED ABOVE. I WANT HIM TO ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM. I KNOW SEX IS NOT EVERYTHING IN A RELATIONSHIP BUT IT IS SO HARD TO BE REJECTED CONTINUALLY. I WANT HIM. I DESIRE HIM. ( HES NORMAL WEIGHT) IS IT POSSIBLE TO REALLY LOVE SOMEONE AND NOT DESIRE THEM? AM I BEING IMMATURE AND PUTTING TO MUCH EMPHASIS ON THIS? I WANT A NORMAL HEALTHY SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP. IS THAT POSSIBLE WHEN ONE PERSON IS THIN AND THE OTHER IS FAT? PLEASE HELP!!!!I NEED TO KNOW THAT I HAVE SOME VALUE AS A LOVING PERSON DESPITE THE FACT THAT IM OVERWEIGHT. I AM DIETING NOW FOR MYSELF BUT PART OF ME WANTS TO DO IT FOR HIM ALSO SO I AM ATTRACTIVE TO HIM AND HE WILL WANT ME AS MUCH AS I WANT HIM. I DONT MEAN TO SOUND TO WHINEY ITS JUST THAT I AM CONFUSED. THANKS FOR READING THIS. IT FEELS GOOD JUST TO GET IT OFF MY CHEST AND SHARE.

For what this is worth.<br>my husband is handicapped and I STILL<br>desire him.He is in a wheelchair.<br>I really don't think it would matter how<br>he looked I LOVE him.<br>I desire him.<br>only guess what? he told me he doesn't<br>desire me. GO FIGURE!!!<br>We had great sex together..that wasn't the issue.<br>maybe your husband has a physical problem!

bigbatsgirl,<p>I can relate to the ostracism of being fat. I was fat as a teenager and suffered all the accompanying sadnesses.<br>There are cultures where a fat woman is considered highly desirable and attractive. Unfortunately you live in a materialistic, narcissistic culture where models look like poster children for care packages. <br>Try to lose weight, not just for him but for your health. If he loves you he'll stick with you as you endeavor to change. If not he'll move on and you don't need him anyway. As always, easier said then done. But worth it. When I was fat at ages 12-16 I got all the rejection. When I lost weight at 17 I never had to ask for a girlfriend, they presented themselves. Thing is I never forgot how they'd made me feel when I was fat and I was determined to hold out for a woman with some substance. It didn't bother me to be alone while I searched for her because I'd been there already. Today I have her and it was worth every second of holding out. Today many of the people who called me fat then and where so popular are fat themselves, and often divorced. I'm 43 and try to stay in shape. Most people who meet me are surprised to learn I'm 43. They usually spot me around 33 or 35. So... it can work out. Hang in there.<br>By the way, there's nothing more beautiful to me than a big behind. Within reason of course.

Bigbatsgirl: I can definitely identify with your problem. I am also overweight, and have just recently started a serious diet. I need to lose 60 pounds to get to 120, which is where my husband says I need to be in order for him to desire me. <p>I don't know about your husband, but mine wasn't interested in sex when I did weigh 120, and was obsessively jealous. He brings home all these fattening foods, and encourages me to eat, but then has the nerve to tell me I'm too fat. So, I'm going to lose the weight this time, and I've told him that if I get to 120 and he's still not interested in sex, then we're going to have a SERIOUS problem. (I know that was a love buster.) <p>I do understand what you're saying about your husband loving you unconditionally, because at first that's exactly how I felt, but I've started to realize that his need for an attractive spouse is very important to him. I do think your husband can truly love you, but not desire you, but I think that love becomes like the love you have for siblings instead of what it should be between spouses. Good luck, Lisa <br>

Bigbatsgirl & Lltaylor...please don't make a # your goal. Your weight is not a good indicator of physical fitness. See a doctor or physical trainer to help you monitor you Body Fat Ratios instead. Try to get to a good percentage of body fat. Remember muscle weighs more than fat so sometimes you will gain weight and get smaller. I did that in high school when I became active for the first time.<p>I've been 5'4" since age 13.<br>At 13 I was a size 14 and weighed 135lbs.<br>At 18 I was a size 10 and weighed 150lbs.<br>At 19 I was a size 8 and weighed 150lbs.<p>If you look at height/weight charts, I'm suppose to weigh 125 at my height. Can you really say a size 8 is 25lbs overweight?!<br>Do you see the progression? As I got more fit, I gained.<p>I'm married now (15 months) and am no longer fit. I'm still 5'4" but now I'm back to a 14 and this time I weigh 175lbs. I just about died when I saw that....most people guess I'm at 130-135. How is it that people THINK I'm 40lbs less than I am? NOBODY...and I mean nobody thinks I can afford to lose 50lbs like the charts say I need. Its because the actual pounds isn't a good measure.<p>I'm am starting a new goal to become fit but my goal isn't 125lbs, its size 8 (a healthy size for my body type and build...any smaller would look anorexic on me), its a body/fat ratio of 20%, its feeling good when I exercise rather than in pain, its feeling good about me. Your weight is an issue of self-esteem and health...not about how someone else sees you...never. My husband would like me to lose the extra I've gained (and he would like to lose his) but he doesn't stop loving me or feel repulsed by me. What he is, is supportive and helpful. Your significant others need to be supportive too rather than demanding. If they are demanding, they will find another thing to demand when you are thin.<br>