Hi guys,<P>I worked today, so he picked up the girls, brought them home to my house, fed and bathed them etc etc.<P>I had a dreadful day at work (again). A passenger had a suspected heart attack, but wouldn't let me do anything for him. He was too EMBARRASSED....... ummmmmm, hell, you could DIE here!!!!!!!!1<P>Anyway, when we landed he was taken to hospital in an ambulance, and when I got back to my home base I rang the hospital to find out how he was. All they would tell me was that he was stable. I was quite worried and upset about him. <P>Anyway, I got home, and asked ex for a hug. He gave me one, a big long one, and even put his hand on my bottom (butt to you guys!!!!!!)<P>woooohoooooooo!!!!!!<P>Then he stayed for about half an hour, and we chatted about our days, our children, our jobs etc. He was the one that made no effort to pack up his computer etc and go home, as he usually does. He seemed to be quite happy to stay and chat. Half an hour of his time, when gf was probably at his house waiting for him.<P>No lb's from me, it was so nice.<P>I realise that this all probably just suits him to a tee. I'm not giving him any grief, so in his conflict avoiding way, he is being so nice back.<P>But you know what, I'm being nice to him for my sake. Oh it's genuine, I'm not playing games, but I've had enough of feeling like dirt to last me a lifetime. And that's how I felt every time we argued or fought. And I once loved him so much, that I feel he deserves my respect and friendship and kindness. As much as I have been through the wringer, I think he's still going through it. I think I've come out the other end, albeit the worse for wear, but at least I'm through it...... He's not.<P>I think he's starting to wrestle with himself. He may never come home, probably won't ever come home, but I do think he is starting to question the wisdom of his choices.<P>And I will know that I have played no part in this. I haven't manipulated this situation, or pulled any stunts. I have just accepted what has happened, moved on and tried to inject some kindness into my every thought, my every word, and everything I do.<P>That one little word, KINDNESS, has started to mean so much to me. I think that if I can be a kinder person, I will be a better person.<P>But, and this is a big 'but', there is no way I would have been ready for this attitude 12 months ago. I was still working through too much, and dealing with too much. But there comes a time that you have to let go, and this seems to be my time.<P>By letting go there is a sense of freedom. And that is exciting to me. I'm once again looking towards the future, with excitement.<BR>Boy, when did all this happen. It seems that in just the last couple of days, things have been so much clearer, and things have got so much better.<P>I think I'm doing the Plan A, that I should have done a year ago, but couldn't. And I feel good about it. I do love him and I probably always will. But whether anything comes of this love only time will tell. And I'm not waiting for him to come home.<P>is ANY of this making sense.????????<P>had to get it out, while it's swirling.<P>And all because a pax nearly died. thanks Mr >>>>>>><P>love and hugs to you all, and have a nice day<P>Jo<BR>

Hi Jo,<P>What a great plan A experience! I know how tough it can be, but I've resolved to make every single interaction with my STBX the most pleasant exerience it can be. <P>I know it's tough sometimes, but consider it as just more plan A time for you, because you're the one benefiting from this, not him.<P>You did good!!!<P>Take care...<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

Good show.

Thanks guys.<P>have to go to bed now.<P> I've got my daughter's uniform buying day tomorrow at her school. Her first day is on Monday. I can't believe my baby is starting school. I'm so excited for her, sad for me, this is my firstborn, now spreading her wings just a little....<P>see you all in the morning<P>night night<P>xxxxxx