I never thought I would end up on this section but here I am against my will I guess. For sixteen months now my H has been having an affair. It has been out in the open and he now and has been for awhile coming and going from our house and spending nights two three and now this week five nights in a row with the OW. This is practically killing me knowing that this is going on while I am the one here trying to pay the bills and keep things going.<P>Yes I filed for divorce and thought maybe he would wake up well that hasnt' happenend and now I am faced with the constant battle to get him to part with some of his paycheck to pay the bills. Has anyone dealt with this or have any insight. My lawyer says that yes I could go back to court but that takes forever and costs more than its worth I guess. I believe that he should still be responsible and I shouldn't have to keep nagging and asking for money because all this does is give him the idea that why should I stay with you because all you want is money when I can go to the OW's house and be treated like a king in her eyes. <P>Maybe the more time he spends with her the more she will see that he really doesn't come with much. <P>Any thoughts?????? I can't legally kick him out of the house but since this recent 5 nights away I have locked the deadbolts which he doesn't have keys to and when or if I should say he comes home he will be locked out. Can I do it yes legally if he breaks in then I can't press charges but I am tired of not being able to get it through his thick skull that this coming and going isn't acceptable and if he wants her than he needs to leave for good. He just tells me that he can't help what happened and is sorry that it happened but that is the way it is and I have to accept it. What a losers way out. Just blame me and then he won't have to feel any guilt. These things just happen what a joke.

BC,<P>Glad to see that you are posting again. I hope that others in your situation can give you some helpful advice on how to deal with your dilemma.

I told my then wife, that she couldn't live here and date, so she decided to move out then. I don't know of any way you can force him out unless you start love busting big time.<P>Then that is contrary to MBs. I guess if you have had enough, then tell him if he leaves, take his stuff with him, if not, then will throw it out.<P>I guess the question is do you want to save your marriage, whatever is left of it?

You said that you have a lawyer. Has a date of separation been decided? If it has, and the order says that you can stay in the house, change the locks.<P>On the issue of support. Sorry, I don't remember if you have children. In most states, while it may take forever, it is important to file asap. You can (and should) request that support be retroactive to the date of filing.<P>If this is child support, usually the government entity in charge of child support will do this for you. They will establish the guideline, file the papers, and garnish wages, and then send the money to you. In California, it is the District Attorney. Other states, CSE or something like that.<P>Also, in California, there is what is called a family law facilitator in the court house. These people are lawyers and paralegals that will help you file the papers to establish child and spousal support, or other modification papers.<P>Good Luck. Protect yourself.

No we don't have any children so that isn't a dilemma. As for support we make about the same amount of money a year so support wouldn't be granted. There is no separation date seeing the divorce process has started and for over a year I tried to get my H's statement of net worth and after taking him to court several times with the last being he would be sent to jail if he didn't comply he finally furnished it. But now he neglected to value his retirement so now my lawyer has to get that info before we can continue. I live in NY so it is equitable distribution but I feel I deserve more than 50/50 for what he has spent on the OW and the affair not to mention the amount of money monthly that he spends on beer. I figure right around $400 just for alcohol.<P>So like I said legally I can't have him thrown out but I did ask my lawyer what would happen if I locked him out and he said go ahead. The worse he could do would be to break in or contact his lawyer which his lawyer is looking for him anyway. <P>The big point I want to get across is that for all these months I have tried to be forgiving, to work on our marriage to work on me all the while he was only interested in having his cake and eating it too. Now I am tired of being the front door mat and no matter how many times I tell him that I won't put up with this coming and going with the OW I haven't done anything to show that I won't. Now I have. <P>Part of me does want to save the marriage but then I look at all he has done and said and I wonder if that could ever happen. He went from being a kind gentle person and is now an ugly mean monster. In fact today I found out thru the grapevine as usual that he got in a bar fight a couple of weeks ago. The H I knew would never do that he was always trying to make peace if there was a fight and now he is the one fighting. Maybe someone was trying to hit on his bar fly.