I don't know what to do. I have been with my wife for 12 yrs and we have been married for 3. About a year ago me and her 15-year-old son started having problems. I come home and he's just sitting here doing nothing, no chores, no homework, doesn't even help me in the yard and I guess I just got tired of it after so many years. Well one day I asked him to wash the dishes and he had a fit about it. His mother came in the room and asked what was going on and his response was that "I asked him to wash the dishes and he feels that he should not have to do it because I don't do anything around the house." My wife looked at me and said he was right you don't do anything around here. So a big argument arose from that and since then everything went down hill. After telling her that I provide a roof over his head she said that I am not his father and from now on don't tell him what to do, if it's something you can do yourself don't ask him. So months went by with him doing nothing around the house so I asked him when he graduate from high school what was he going to do with his life, he said nothing but stay with my mother. I asked was he going to work he said no. She heard me talking to him and came into the room and I told her exactly what he said and she told me that that was her child and if he don't want to work then he don't have to. So finally I got tired of it and told her if it was going to be like the then he is going to have to find him somewhere else to stay because pretty soon he will be telling me what to do and not. Well she told me that that was her son and if he go then she go. So a couple of days later she packed and left. We talked every night about her coming back and that she was wrong about the whole situation. So after talking about it and everything she decided to stay where she was because she said that her 15 year old said that he don't want to move back, so she went and took me for child support for my 3 year old son. I have been paying his nursery fees and everything else she needs for him just like she asked me to do. A couple of days later she came over and spent the night with me if she had to use the phone she would always get up and go into another room. So one day I just hit redial on the phone and it went to her voice mail at home. The number and password came up on my phone screen so I just listened to her mail and found out that she had met another guy at work and one of her drug supplyer friend was calling her. After a long conversation about this she swore me down that she was not talking to anyone else and that she did not meet anyone. I did not tell her that I had her voice mail number. So a couple of months went by and I just let it go until she started making dates with me and on the day we were suppose to go out I don't hear from her until the next day. I ask her about it all she says is that she was with her sister and some friends. Well on Saturday of last week I just got feed up with it. She came over that Thursday and was all over me telling me how much she misses me and that she wants to come back. She said that she was in a hurry to go home because she was going to get her hair fixed and if we can get together as one big family and have a day at the movies. When Saturday came I did not hear from her all day, after calling and calling she was not home so I checked her voice mail and found out that the guy she met at work was suppose to met her at a party that night. When I did get in touch with her the next day she and asked her where was she, she said that she was out with her sister and some friends. So I asked did she meet this guy there and she got mad screaming at me and everything then she told me something that I did not want to hear she said to stop calling her she did not want to be with me anymore. That's all of a sudden. I got my son last weekend on Friday so he could spend the night around 3am he got sick and had a fever of 103 I called her to let her know what was going on and could she come over so we can take care of him. About 5 min later she called back and told me she just got in and did I call the doctor, did I give him anything I had the feeling that she did not want to come over. So she finally came over and spent the night. That morning she got up around 7 to use the phone in the other room. When she came back to bed I asked her what was she doing she said that she had to call her sister because they were going somewhere to day. Oh you can call her but if you set up a date with me you can't call me and tell me your not going to be with me. She got mad and started screaming again at me. That morning my son woke up shivering complaining that he was cold but he was hot to the touch and had a temp of 103 again so we took him to the doctor. We got back to my house about 1 and she said that she was going home to change clothes and will be back later. I did not here from her all day and that night again he ran another fever of 104. It was 3am in the morning again and I called her so we can take him to the emergency room she was not home. I finally called the doctor again and they told me to give him his medication and give lots of fluids if the temp doesn't go down in an hour to send him in. So at 5am I called her again still no answer. His temp returned to 100 but I was still worried about him. I finally called at 11am Sunday morning and talked to her. I told her that he ran another fever and I tried to call you but you was not home she got mad a started screaming again telling me not to call her when he gets sick just take him to the emergency room. So I asked her did she go out she said don't worry about what goes on at her house what time she get home is none of my business. Finally she calmed down and told me that she was there and saw my number come up on her caller ID she thought that I was calling to see if she was at home or not. But after telling her that her child was sick and I just wanted you to know how he was doing since you did not call all day Saturday to see how he was doing, he could have died. She said oh well he's not dead right. So now another week has gone by and I try to call and talk to her all she says is that she wants me to stop calling her and go on with my life, we are not getting back together and she is not moving back. What about the marriage she wants to stay married but she don't want to have nothing to do with me anymore. So I told her that only a divorce will prove to me that you don't want me anymore, she say she will get one then. So Thursday 1-25 I went to see my lawyer and to fill for a divorce. I called her to tell her what I did, she got mad and asked me why. With that I will know that it is over between us. I told her that I was filling on the grounds of adultery she laughed and said you can't prove it. <P>I don't know what to do. I really love my wife and I broke down in tears on my knees asking her to come back. But she still says no. I call to talk to my son she tells me she's on the phone call him back. What am I to do?<P>Oh I for got that about 2 months after she left she called from the doctors office to tell me that her surclodge (birth control device) had fell out and she wanted to get it put back in. When can I come with her to have this done? I said that we are not having sex that much I can use a condom. She argued telling me that I know she don't like for me to wear one. So I said that this means a lot to you, you must be seeing someone else to have this done so fast. The only thing she said is that "Well I am going to do what I want to do anyway" and when I do sleep with someone else he is going to wear a condom anyway. Every time I ask her about her seeing someone or sleeping with someone she answers, "I am going to do what I want to do anyway."

Your wife is really something. I'm sorry that she is treating you & your son this way. What worries me is that she has no regard for the welfare of your son health and his illness. Your wife is in a terrible & dangerous fog.<P>Honestly, I think that you should file for a legal separation. Protect yourself.<P>Plan A for yourself. You will learn new behaviors and be a better person, with or without your wife.

H-P,<P>Welcome to Marriage Builders, I'm sorry you have to be here. You will find a lot of useful information at this site.<P>Do you want to save your Marriage?<BR>What are you willing to do?<P>If yes then read the following links...<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A><BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A><BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A><BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A><P>Learn these as fast as you can and learn to apply them...<P>Go to the just found out board and read the Welcome thread...It will also have more links and info...<P>After you read these, ask more specific questions and I am certain we will be able to give our best ideas and opinions on them...<P>One other thing...Try braking your post/posts into paragraphs, it makes it much easier to read...Looking at a wall of words can be intimidating and may turn others off...<P>Remember...<B>you're not alone</B><P>Bill

I agree with Survivor... Get some legal advice and a separation. You need to protect yourself and your son. <P>She is definitely in a fog. Hopefully she will come out of it, but meanwhile read the references that NSR posted and take care of yourself and your son..

I think she is right about her son, though. He is not your son, and she should be the one disciplining him. Almost all 15 year old kids are argumentative, don't help aroung the house voluntarily, don't want to be told what to do, and many don't know what they are going to do after high school. You have to pick your battles with teenagers even when they are your own. And the surest way to alienate a mother is to complain about her child.