The STBX husband was in Vegas all weekend. I'm moving out this weekend (& moving on). I still have many many unanswered questions. Late last night I had started to get upset after coming across letters he wrote to the OW, and coming across books that are out of character for him to read. Like "Men are from Mars & Women are from Venus". I'm not a snoop, I had to use his car because he took mine to Vegas, and these items were just "there". Anyhow, nothing I didn't already know, but it is amazing how things can still shock you. Not wanting to be vindictive or mean, I just wanted to talk to the OW, kind of see what she was about, and to let her know a little bit about myself. I didn't know if she'd even talk with me. Well anyhow, we ended up talking basically all night. Before the affair started my husband worked for her as her real estate agent, and she lived a couple of blocks from me. She was going through a difficult time (her husband left her) and my husband being the compassionate man he is, listened to her and helped her. I trusted him and he would share with me her problems, I even invited her over to my house for dinner (she couldn't make it). She told me that had she come over that night she would have never been able to start the affair with my husband. It would have made me too real to her, and as long as she didn't know me or ask any questions about me, I didn't "exist". The conversation went extremely well (if I can say that). I have been devastated by all of this and wanted him back and for our marriage to be rebuilt so very desparately. While I'm working on that, telling him that I still believe in him, and giving him the encouragement he needed, being there for him, etc. and all the while he was doing the same thing but for the OW. The OW, at this time doesn't want him back. In our conversation we were both completely honest and it did come out that my STBX and I still "sleep together", and it sounds weird but she will not "take that" and will not let him have his cake.....<BR>He had told her that we didn't do that and blah blah blah. I told her that his heart probably wasn't in it and that it was due to a comfort level that we have. She let me share my feelings (feelings that she felt when her husband did the very thing mine did with her), I didn't yell or vent. I basically wanted her to know that our marriage was good, I was good to him, etc. She told me that I could call her anytime and that she wouldn't invade my privacy by calling me, and to really feel free. She did say how sorry she is/was. I'm glad I talked with her. I would appreciate any feedback on what you all might think, your perspective, etc. If my husband finds out about this, I think that he would be very upset, but then again, he has been so cruel to me and at this point, I really don't care if he is mad or not. Please give me some feedback! Thank you!

Whether you let him find out should depend on what he does whenever he gets upset. He certainly has no right to expect that you won't do things behind his back. It sounds like you may have just gotten all the answers you're ever going to get.<P>Only you can decide where to go from here. I'm sure you got details you could never have expected from him. It's bittersweet to know that you've been afforded that opportunity.<P>I hope things go well for you from here on out.

You know for some this kind of conversation can be a blessing, it lets them share with the other person what they have done to them and plus it lets a person just talk which can help. On the flip side I've seen where it just fuels even more sadness and depression. You have connected an OW with a person now. It may change your recovery, your personal recovery. Don't be surprised if new feelings surface within the next few days. We are here.<P>Good Luck and God Bless<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

Bravo! Now that took guts. Whatever your husband thinks about it is too bad. You must feel at least a little better after that talk.<P>I heard about a similar situation from a friend who said that the two women actually became best friends (now that is saying a lot!). I guess you just never know what this life is going to throw at us.<P>And I am glad you handled yourself with such dignity and maturity. You go girl!<P>Mike<P>------------------<BR>God always waits for the right time to do the right thing in the right way.