I'm a little chatty today... Wondering what you all think about the following email I sent to my wife last week. No reply from it, but she did send me a casual email joke yesterday - the first time she has sent anything like this in many, many months (I know its nothing big, but it is something, right?).<P>Anyways feel free to let me know your thoughts.<P>-------------------------------------------<BR>xxxxxx,<P>I just wanted to tell you that I am in no way trying to make things at all difficult for you. In fact I still think, worry and care about you quite often. Don't ever think I am playing games or saying one thing, when meaning another. There are people I know that think I should be mean, cruel-hearted, and looking out for myself in all of this - But they don't know who I truly am. Nor am I listening to their advice. I know that as long as I follow my feelings and my heart,<BR>I will be able to wake up and look myself in the mirror and be happy with who I am and how I handled things. <P>I know over the summer (and last year), it may have appeared to you that I had alterior motives in things I said and did. But I really didn't. I only said and did things that were in my heart (maybe it was a little late, but sometimes it takes me a while to learn the important things). <P>Sure emotionally I was a wreck when you left,<BR>but I feel that was to be expected - You were everything in my life. I always loved you, no matter what you believe or believed. Your leaving threw my whole world into a tailspin. But not once did I do, say, or write something that was not out of my love for you. Any anger I expressed was just my pain and hurt coming through - It was wrong I know, and as soon as the anger came I did<BR>my best to get rid of it.<P>All the items you ask for I assume have some kind of value to you - either emotionally or monetarily, and that is fine with me. To be honest, I would feel better knowing that you had everything that you felt an attachment to. But at the same time, I am not just going to blindly give you everything you want with out looking to fairness. One thing I<BR>feel that you may not think about when talking with me are all of the items that you have already taken. And the items you still want. They all have value as well - just as the other things you lumped together. And there were some bills we still owed together when you walked out. But I don't want it to come to nickle and diming each other. In fact I prolonged telling you all of this - I don't want it to appear as if I am trying to be vindictive, but I know that sometimes<BR>you may not always see things as clear when it comes to financial matters (no offense manda - really - I know that I would have a really tough time trying to teach a bunch of kids!). And like I said to you in our bedroom all those months ago - "I know that you are going to be an amazing mother. That is something I knew from day one of our relationship and I am so sorry (so sorry)<BR>that I may have said or done anything for you to think anything other".<P>I guess I always felt that our strengths and weaknesses kind of balanced each other out <P>I really think that we are close to reaching an agreement. But please try to be fair in what you are asking me for. And by fair I don't just mean what is "legally fair", I mean what you feel is fair in your heart. For that is what is important to me, so that our marriage does not have to end on a sour note.<P>And keep in mind that other than asking you to carefully think about your decision to divorce, I have not asked you for anything up until this point. And I really am not asking for anything right now either, other than to try to look at "everything" as we are going through all of this.<P>Totally off the subject: I found the CD I made for you when you left and listened to it the other day - still makes me smile <P>Take care.<P>Mike<P>------------------<BR>God always waits for the right time to do the right thing in the right way.

As you can see I am in a little quandry: 1) I still don't want a divorce and am willing to do whatever it took to at least try again but 2) I don't want to put any pressure on her at all. I guess I just want to make sure she knows that the "door" is still open at this point in time, but do it in a very nonassuming way...<P>I have come to grips with our marriage being totally over and I feel stronger than ever before in knowing that as Donna Summer puts it "I will Survive".<P>But I guess I will always have some hope in my heart for her...<BR><P>------------------<BR>God always waits for the right time to do the right thing in the right way.

Mike,<P>I'm almost half tempted to copy this letter into my own email, change a few words and sent it my ex too! (Just kidding...) Honestly though, I think it was a great letter, and even if you don'e get a response, at least you expressed to her your feelings.<P>I have sent my ex many letters and emails over the past 7 months with little or no response to any of them. I know she's read them so she must not be responding for certain reasons. I can only assume that she won't be able to tell me what I want to hear, therefore she says nothing at all. Either that or she doesn't want to hurt me further, or by responding herself would mean that she would have to expose her feelings to me which is something she has not readily been willing/able to do as of late. Regardless, I feel better knowing that I have left no stone uncovered.<P>Whatever our outcomes, we just have to keep believing that all things happen for a reason.

Mike and Jayhawk,<P>Ahhhh! My two favorite guys. First, I'll start with I love you two. You are both such incredible men, and I STILL pray that your wives will see that one day. I have something you both may need to hear:<P>People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered. Love them ANYWAY. If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Do good ANYWAY. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good ANYWAY. Honesty and frankness will make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank ANYWAY. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build ANYWAY. People really need help, but may attack you if you help them. Help People ANYWAY.<P>Guys, I am sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but you both still love your wives! After moments of confusion and maybe losing direction, you are both still honoring your vows! And here is a newsflash for you: you both have undergone massive changes and see things you did not see even one year ago! Your priorities have been straightened out--now you know what is and is not REALLY important. Now you understand how harmful words can be--and how important it is to MAKE THE TIME for the one you love. See? You are entirely different men. <P>Valentines Day is coming up, and one way or another you want to let the ones you love know that you can SEE now and you LOVE THEM. But being honest and frank will make you vulnerable. BE HONEST AND FRANK ANYWAY. Great love involves great risk. Be respectful, be responsible for your own actions, and be the men and husbands you KNOW God intends for you to be.<P>My vote is risky, but I say tell them. Lay it on the line. Don't be overpowering or foolish or lovesick, but tell them the truth. <P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mike}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jayhawk}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P><BR>CJ<P>P.S. Just so you know, I'm putting my money where my mouth is tonight. Let's all three of us pray for each other, shall we?<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

I agree with CJ. You guys are too good to be true. I am a romantic and always do things from the heart. Keep being true to yourselves. And one day, if not already, you will have everything you need in life.