All along my STBX Husband thought that even though he admitted that he was sorry for what he had done (affair), the OW held for him the future he wanted. This new relationship was wonderful and nothing could stand in his way (not even the wife he already had/has). Anyhow, on my prior posts I've talked about my devastation, depression,etc., and then just recently the long conversation with the OW. I believe that conversation was a God's send, due to how it was received and how I now feel. I am doing my best to move on and I've been moving all week and will be completely out of our home by Sunday. My stbx Husband called me at work today (we do still talk and see each other) and told me that this is the worst day. I didn't go into why he might feel this way, I encouraged him and although you might think me to be a push over, but I told him I'd make him a nice dinner tonight (just like I always did). The OW doesn't (at this time anyway) want him back and I'm out. I feel sad for him. He will be alone. I really don't think that out of desperation he'll beg me to come back, but I do think that he is truly scared about his future and realizing that things really do catch up with you. After all the hell he has put me through, I still have so much compassion for him and love too! All of the sudden he is asking me things like; how long of a lease did you sign? When are you picking up your new keys? It's like he is saying, are you really going to move out? Whatever happens, he does need to be alone for awhile. Please give me some feedback as to; is this par for the course, as to my husbands reactions ie., scared, sick and feeling guilty. This is so crazy!!!

I don't know your whole story but have read a few of your posts and you really do sound like you're in a healing space.....good for you!! I think you're very wise if you move out as planned. Reality is looking rather bleak for your STBX right now but he needs to find out exactly who he is and what he wants. That could be you but you sure don't want it to be because he's scared to face the future on his own.<BR>Good Luck!!

You can be kind to him without putting your heart at risk. Tell him you do not rule out reconciliation, but right now he has done himself, you and OW a lot of damage; and that if the two of you are going to have any hope of a reconciliation, there is going to have to be couples therapy. Then get in there with him and go to work. It should be helpful no matter what the outcome.<P>It has been my experience that people do things to us that seem unforgiveable, however, at some future time, we almost ache to forgive them, if only the conversation could happen.<P>There is no need for you and your husband to go through life with unanswered questions, unresolved issues, and unspoken feelings. A therapist can get a lot of this stuff out in the open without the roadblocks to communication that spouses put in place when conversations turn painful.

I second what Sisyphus says.<P>I think right now, it seems as if you are taking a natural step- and a healthy one. But don't rule out healing the marriage. And that healing needs professional guidance. Just remember that the first counselor may not be the best one for you. Sometimes it takes a few tries before you find what you need.

Rejected,<P>I feel like a ditto head here, but the responses to your post are right on the money.<P>You've already pointed out that being rejected hurts big time. Let me admit what the WS rarely admits, that having an affair is a very selfish experience. period.<P>I really think that you must go forward with your life, and that he must be allowed to face the normal, natural consequences of his behavior. I wouldn't rule out a reconcillation either, but it has a much better chance of working out if he accepts both the responsibility the consequences for what he did.<P>Your idea of showing kindness to him in face of it all is super. Really tells me what a wonderful gal you really are.<P>Bumper<P>

Dear REJECTED:<P>I agree with Sis, Alizarin and cinderella. Alizarin thinks it's a good thing to move out. It is the punctuation mark at the end of the paragraph. There may be more to the story, but it really is necessary for right now. THe next paragraph is yet to be written, and it will unfold in its own time.<P>Sis's comments are well thought out, I couldn't add to them. Nor to what cinderella says. <P>Back to my own analogy, the story isn't over yet. More paragraphs and chapters to come. Nobody knows the ending yet. It depends on what the heroine and the husband do. <BR><B>All along my STBX Husband thought that even though he admitted that he was sorry for what he had done (affair), the OW held for him the future he wanted. This new relationship was wonderful and nothing could stand in his way (not even the wife he already had/has). Anyhow, on my prior posts I've talked about my devastation, depression,etc., and then just recently the long conversation with the OW. I believe that conversation was a God's send, due to how it was received and how I now feel. I am doing my best to move on and I've been moving all week and will be completely out of our home by Sunday. My stbx Husband called me at work today (we do still talk and see each other) and told me that this is the worst day. I didn't go into why he might feel this way, I encouraged him and although you might think me to be a push over, but I told him I'd make him a nice dinner tonight (just like I always did). The OW doesn't (at this time anyway) want him back and I'm out. I feel sad for him. He will be alone. I really don't think that out of desperation he'll beg me to come back, but I do think that he is truly scared about his future and realizing that things really do catch up with you. After all the hell he has put me through, I still have so much compassion for him and love too! All of the sudden he is asking me things like; how long of a lease did you sign? When are you picking up your new keys? It's like he is saying, are you really going to move out? Whatever happens, he does need to be alone for awhile. Please give me some feedback as to; is this par for the course, as to my husbands reactions ie., scared, sick and feeling guilty. This is so crazy!!!</B>[/QUOTE]<P><P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess