I just got back from dinner...The food was excellent! We spent a good deal of time chit chatting about family gossip and stuff...conversation came easily...Halfway through the Etouffe` I handed her the PSA...When I handed it to her I simply said "Is this really what you want?"<P>She was stunned!! She thought I was going to tell her I was getting married!! I told her that I have never wanted the D and she had to decide if it was what she really wanted.<P>She said that she has doubted if I ever loved her...I told her that of course I did and we got into the old dicsussion of the whole "romantic in love" speal...I have to admitt that towards the beginning of her going out I didn't have those feelings but my commitment never waivered...<P>She wouldn't come right out and say it but I think she wonders how we could ever get back...I told her about a lot that I had learned this past 15 months and how it was possible. I sited the couple in SAA that is now 10+years recovery and how I had counceled with Steve and that there is a chance...I did not once mention LRB not even once!!<P>We talked about the terms of the PSA and custody details and are in complete agreement...<P>With tears in her eyes she whole heartedly appologised for what she has done and how I didn't deserve it and what an all around great guy I am and how she is grateful I'm Abbey's dad ect..ect..ect..<P>I simply told her she has a big decision to make in the next 10 days (D will be final 12 Feb)...<P>Oh..I almost forgot!! Sge told me how she has been nastolgic the past few weeks even going as far as looking at our wedding album and all of our old pictures!! I just smiled at her.<P>The chances to reconcile IMO have gone from 5% to 20%. I am unsure how I feel...I wonder if I truly have what it takes to do it! I do know that if she decides to try I will...<P>She gave me a hug, twice when we got to my car...I could tell there was a certain feeling in it...I admitt to being a little chilly towards her.I think it might have been a little self preservation...<P>I forgot to add...I still don't think she has the guts to even try...<P>Thoughts?? Opinions??? Ideas??<P>Bill<p>[This message has been edited by WilliamJ (edited January 31, 2001).]

Bill- <BR> Sounds like either way you are headed in the right direction!! Congrats on a productive dinner. It's nice to see some encouragement. You have to be on some kind of high tonight! Live it up and enjoy the moment. <P>arm6868@yahoo.com

Bill:<P>It's so hard to say. It does sound encouraging. But, it is so hard to know what the other one is thinking.<P>Boy, this has got to be hard on you. <P>Hang in There,<P>Jen<P>

I'm so proud of you! You showed it all, how much you've grown, how much you've learned, what you're made of.<P>Whatever the chance, you've become an even more wonderful person.<P>Love ya,<P>Lori

Wow Bill,<P>I have to say that sounded encouraging to me. I think I understand the self preservation thing, but you have given her something to think about. Maybe after it simmers in there awhile she might want to discuss it further.<P>You know that this won't be easy, but if it's what you truly want, it's got to be worth a try.<P>Take care...<P>BTW, I was wondering if lostva still lurked around here...<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

Hiya, Bill my friend...<P>You sure handled that well. I'm really proud of you. As the Moody Blues say, "Isn't life strange?". Just when you think you understand where your path is going, a new fork in the road appears.<P>As far as I'm concerned you have more than enough to make this work if she decides to try. I would think that she has to get over a lot of fear before traveling that road with you.<P>You are a he!! of a man!! <P>Love to you....<P>--DeWayne--

You ate etouffe? I thought that was cajun and you were going out for Vietnamese. <P>Nevermind, you did well my friend. You can certainly be proud of that one. I shall continue to pray for the two of you. It would be so wonderful if she could open her heart to you. Stranger things have happened. Prayer works wonders.<P>On the other hand, you've travelled a long way down this desolate road. The odds of turning the thing around are slim but - as long as there is hope- there is hope. (I trust that makes sense.)<P>Good job! And Good Luck!!!<P>- Jane-Elise

>>>>"...I still don't think she has the guts to even try..."<P>Bill,<P>People who don't think there is any possibility of succeeding in something are focusing more on their fear than on the potential benefits of succeeding. Keep giving your wife the reasons why "if" you two are able to work things out, things will not just be better, they will eventually be incredible.<P>If she asks "how" you expect things to work out, maybe reference a great line from a pretty funny movie "Baby Steps" (from What About Bob). So many people are afraid to take chances - whatever happened to that little baby in us all who was so determined to walk, they let nothing hold them back? We stood, took a step and fell (then repeated the same process about a hundred times!).<P>Glad to hear your dinner went well. But also try to remember that a divorce is only a piece of paper. Sure it is a turning point in how you feel about things, but if you still love each other, than the D-Day will come and go...<P>Good luck!<P>Mike<P>------------------<BR>God always waits for the right time to do the right thing in the right way.

{{{Bill}}}<P>It does sound encouraging. I wish you the best and hope it all keeps rolling in the direction you prefer.<P>Lori

B123,<BR>Yes either way I will be ok with it...I wouldn't concider what I'm feeling a high by any means. Confusion is how I feel.<P>Jen,<BR>You pegged it!! LOL Hard doesn't begin to explain it!!<P>Lori,<BR>You know better than anyone!! Thank you for the continued encouragement!!<BR>Love you too.<P>cOOker,<BR>That's the kicker...I don't know what I truly want, but I know reconciling <B>IS</B> the right thing...<P>DeWayne,<BR>Life is indeed strange...and I'm tired of the road forking!! LOL I do know that if we were to apply these MB principles that we all have learned we could have a real marriage, real love and a great life!! Thanks old buddy <P>Princess,<BR>I had a jones for Crawfish Etouffe` and BBQ shrimp...I could go for some more of the BBQ shrimp...I love soppin the juice up on a hunk of bread!! I do not doubt the power of prayer one bit...And it would be nice to have her open her heart to me again...the old addige don't know what you had til it's gone thing...<P>ST2K,<BR>Yes her fear kills her, also she has lost a lot of face with both family and friends and she doesn't realise that you can't save your face and your [censored] at the same time!! She is familiar with MB and the ideas her, she has a copy of SAA and read most of it...She just doesn't have faith...<P>Bangarra,<BR>I honestly don't know which way I prefer!<P>I do know that I want to do the honorable thing and that is try to recover my marriage...I took my vows seriously...that's why I came back to her when I left her 5 months pregnant and it was the cataliyst that helped me to get clean...She doubts I ever "really" loved her. I said have you ever doubted my committment? No was her answer. She is stuck in the TV, movie, and novelists idea of love and not real love...She is tuck in her whole feelings BS...Sorry I just don't buy that!! True love isn't a feeling, infatuation is!! True love is about actions and committment and trying to nurture a romantic feeling to top it off...<P>We shall see what she decides this next 2 weeks, I have no hope or expectation of reconciliation. I know that sounds defeatist but it is real and I ain't into getting my expectations squashed again...<P>Thanks all!! <BR>Love you guys,<P>Bill<BR><p>[This message has been edited by WilliamJ (edited February 01, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by WilliamJ:<BR><B>We shall see what she decides this next 2 weeks, I have no hope or expectation of reconciliation. I know that sounds defeatist but it is real and I ain't into getting my expectations squashed again...</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Some have thought that Hope's presence in Pandora's Box was incongruous. But I don't think so. Everything in there was a source of pain, and Hope might well be the most painful of all...<P>Still, I prefer hope, even when expectations are contraindicated.<BR>

Bill - glad you KNOW what the right thing would be to do if the opportunity would present itself. <P>Gee, if the food and company was so good, why not try and do it again - REAL soon? <P>We'll be glad to do another round of prayers for you if you decide to do that.... <P>TNT