We've been married almost 12 years. Have 2 wonderful boys (7 & 4) and more than most people could ever hope for in our lives. Since the day I met E I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. After we married, I became lonely & had an affair w/ a coworker. E found out, & did the same with a coworker of his. After that time passing, I allowed myself to go "past the marriage boundries" on 2 other occassions. Although not sexual, it still crossed the line. The last time was almost 5 years ago after our 2nd son was born. I had thought that after that, since E was still here, that was his way of saying this was my last chance. Then, this past April, he approached me saying that he no longer felt anything for me, had only been staying for the kids, didn't love me anymore & didn't know if he ever could. I was devastated. I had no idea. He feels I did know how unhappy he was. Over the past 9 months, we have seen a couple diff. counselors & things have been so-so around here. Up until 3 weeks ago & I found out that he's been having a sexual affair with another co-worker since July. Crushed. And even though I think this affair is over, & was a result of the problems we have been having here, E still claims that our future together isn't possible. He just doesn't feel anything for me or sees how we can get past all the pain. He cannot let go of the past or sees any way of doing so. People keep telling me to get better with myself & that maybe he will like what he sees in me & decide to stay. But I don't feel very hopeful of that happening. How can I get happy with "me" knowing that any day he could file for divorce. He won't even try. Says he's been trying for years & can't do it anymore. Our boys mean the world to me, & I want more than everything to stay with the man I married til the day I die. I've started going to church, looking for God & searching for what his purpose in all this is. E will not go back to counseling, especially since he lied to the last 2 about not being involved with anyone else when in fact he was. He just won't forgive or sees any way of us getting past this & believes divorce is our only solution in being happy, since he feels we can't be happy together because he's not willing to give me what I need. He says "who knows what could happen 2 months or 2 years from now...we could be back together. It's happened to others", but to me, divorce is just a count down. What am I going to do?<BR>Signed, a broken heart

First, you have to be able to let him go. Focusing on the divorce as the end of your life saps the mental resources you need in order to hold your marriage together or survive its demise.<P>You <I>will</I> do one of the two, so why feel an overwhelming sense of dread?<P>Read up on the Harleys' materials, you might also look at "Love Must Be Tough" by Dobson. <P>Look at NSR's other posts so that you are directed to the right spots to find valuable information in past posts (in case he doesn't show up quickly with his post of general welcome in reply to yours).<P>The Harleys do phone counseling. Perhaps your husband will agree to a call or two.