I haven't been here for a long while. My story is sad but true. I have been married for right at 10 years and am finally calling it quits. My soon to be ex and I have 3 small children together... They are a girl 8, boy 7 and girl 6 at the eom.<P>Here is my story:<P>Four months past our first anniversary, he cheated on me... (Had 4 hickies down his neck and supposely couldn't remember anything... (drunk)... <P>Our oldest was 9 mo at the time.. and about 2 weeks later.. I discovered that I was pregnant... Really didn't want to stay with him then.. but had no where to go... Was a stay at home mom.. no job and pregnant.. My family felt as if I should stay and "work it out". <BR>I am not sure exactly when the verbal, emotional and physical abuse began.. but I believe it was after his one night stand.. Anyway to make a long story somewhat short.. I have been beaten, called every name in the book, accused of being psycho, mental, multiple personality.. etc.. .. and put throught pure hell... (1) event was when our first child was born.. She had Group B strep.. They didn't expect her to make it.. He had already gone home.. and believe it or not - refused to come back.. (2) The 2nd night after the birth of our son, he called me at the hospital and thought is was funny when he told me that he was waiting for my girlfriend to come over in his underwear.. (She cannot stand him.. and never could) About 2 years ago.. he got hurt in a car accident.. Sat on Workman's Comp and had a personal injury suit going.. He did absolutely nothing.. His back hurt too much to help me at all.. I ended up in the hospital with a DVT and Pulmonary Embolism.. He played on the net telling women he was chatting to that he was a widower.. that he wife died with a blood clot in her heart.. He took care of the children during my 2 week stay.. but once I was home.. I did everything (against Doctor's orders that I could throw another clot and die)... I ended up having to go back to work and had the most wonderful boss a person could ask for.. After seeing bruises on me several different times.. he asked me if John.. my ex.. was hurting me.. I finally owned up to it.. and I was able to see light on my road to get out.. My ex boss helped me get my own apartment.. and helped me move.. Things were going great.. When one day - my ex approached me and told me that he had gotten a "great" job through the net and would be moving to Minnesota at the end of the week.. This really screwed me.. I had two cars in my name only that were being financed.. (He had one.. and the financing company would not let him take it out of state w/out me.. I was more than $50,000 in debt between medical and credit debt.. (He didn't have any debt and no credit.. so we always used mine...), and we had an agreement going that since he didn't like the school district where my apartment was located.. he would pick up my two that were school age take them to his house... and provide transportation to/from school as well as before and after care.. Now I had one week to change schools, and set up child care (which I couldn't afford) and still manage to be able to work.. plus pay for the car he had been paying for that he wouldn't be able to take.. I ended up moving with him to MN.. One month to the day.. My dad had is first heartattack.. and is not doing so well.. I have had to take several emergency flights home, because he was back in ICU.. Upon returning the first time... The abuse only got worse.. He sat on my face with a pillow. Since then.. he began hitting me again.. and then came after me with a baseball bat.. I made him leave..... I took any and every job I could to survive.. I have filed for divorce and am glad.. The problem is.. I have no one here in MN.. all my family and friends are back in TX.. I have made a few friends here.. but they are either too far away to be of any help with the three kids, or just too busy with their own lives.. <P>To make things worse.. The night he came after me with a bat.. My neightbor.. Mike..(I had only met once, before..) got involved..and took care of the situation.. Mike became a big part of my life.. and a great support.. My best friend.. We began seeing each other as more.. back in June.. Things were great.. and I was on a major high.. He helped me with my kids, and kept me motivated.. Then in August.. things began to get weird.. In Sept. he moved... He and I didn't talk all of Sept.. but in Oct.. he began coming around again.. I packed my things and headed home to TX.. (My ex gave me his blesssing to go...) On the way.. Mike called and asked me not to go.. that he wanted me here in MN... Being stupid... I came back to be with him.. Things were going pretty good.. then I found out a lot of things I didn't want to know.. and decided to leave him alone.. Again... he started coming around.. From Halloween through the entire month of Nov.. we were quite the little item.. He took me to meet his family... and to his new place... and called me every day and night... and he even took me to one of his friends wedding.. but... he ended up ditching me in a motel room.. He really didn't want me to go I guess.. I know he wants a friendship of convenience... and this is not ok with me.. So... I decided it was time to go home... with my family and friends.. Went in and gave my notice at my job.. bought plane tickets for my brother and a friend to come up to help me move.. rented a truck and packed up over half of my house.. I was ready and serious.. Now my soon to be ex talks to a lawyer.. and finds out that I need his permission to go and take the kids... or a judges signature.. This is true.. I do need either one of these.. My ex refuses to let me go.. yet.. he wants minimum responsibility with the kids.. every other weekend and that's it.. So I have now missed work several times over the last couple of weeks having sick children.. and then my ex takes off without a worry in the world and goes to TX for a week.. I am completely tired and worn out.. I do not sleep nor do I eat.. I know I am depressed.. but trying like hell to hang in there.. My major problem.. is I really miss Mike.. and it is killing me.. I am so confused when it comes to him... I know he doesn't want to commit to anyone.. and likes being free and single.. but... I am lonely, and very far away from home.. I feel as if I have been taken prisoner.. I just want to go home where I have help and support!!! To be surrounded by the people who love me.. and I can't go.. <BR>I have a lot to be thankful for.. I ended up with a really good paying job.. (but it is high stress)... and hard with having three small children.. and I have three wonderful children.. but I am lonely.. and Valentines Day is around the corner.. and I hate being alone.. I am sad, depressed and angry.. <BR>I pray every day all day long, but am confused about why nothing is happening or changing... <BR>and yet... <BR>"Despite everything, I still believe people are basically good at heart." Anne Frank<P>

I'm not sure what you should do in your situation, but I wanted to let you know that we are here to listen and offer you support. I would recommend that you talk to an attorney and find out what you can do with your children and see if there is some way for you to get back to Texas with family and friends to support you.

I'm sorry, I have no clue what to say except...try to have hope. If you can prove abuse, then I would imagine you've got a good chance at getting that judge's signature. I don't know anything about the legal aspects, but if the evidence was strong enough for your ex-boss to notice it, I doubt proof is too hard to come by. Definitely talk to a lawyer about your options.<P>Unfortunately, this may take a while, and you've got to hang on until this mess gets sorted out. You need some local help. <I>Please</I> look for a support group and/or a counselor of some sort. If money is tight, take a careful look at your work benefits (if any). Churches and other organizations might also be able to hook you up with some support.<P>And...I think you'd be better off staying away from Mike. Regardless of what kind of guy he is at heart, that relationship is not doing you any good right now.<P>Also, remember that although it might <I>seem</I> that nothing is happening or changing, that's probably not true. Our perspective is limited, and our journey seldom follows the roads we would expect.<BR>

Lonliness is a very sad thing, but with three beautiful gifts from God, how can you truly be lonely. These men in your lives do not sound as if they have your interests in mind at all. Take time out for yourself. Learn to be your own best friend. Continue to pray. Sometimes when we haven't received answers, it is because we are not praying for the right things. Pray that God will reveal his will for your life to you. That is the only way you will truly be happy. To accept that your course is chosen and the way to happiness is through God's will, not your own. You have truly had a horrible time and my heart goes out to you. Remember, though, that no one else can fulfill your life, or make you happy, or keep you from being lonely. You must find the answers to all these things within your own heart. Search it deeply, the answer is there, sometimes you just have to be very quiet and listen. I pray for peace in your life, but please don't let someone else's actions dictate how you will feel. Valentine's day is special, but so is every other day of the year when you can feel the dew in the early morning hours, smell the essence of flowers in bloom, and hear the laughter of your three children. Concentrate on God, your children and yourself, in that order, and I think everything else will fall into place with time. Will keep you in my prayers........

I am hanging in there... God is first in my life and am working on my relationship with him. I am truly trying to stay focused. I do have an attorney and am working towards getting this whole mess straighten out. It shouldn't be too much longer. I have been doing a lot of extra things with my children, and we are closer than ever. I have also made some new and great friends that do have my best interest at heart. I think I am on my way. Even so... I have to work on dealing with the loneliness that I feel. Great advice.. how can I be lonely.. I do need to focus on the things I take for granted and try and remember things could always be worse.. <BR>Thank you for you support.. <BR><P>------------------<BR>"Despite everything, I still believe people are basically good at heart." Anne Frank