I made a very bad mistake in 7/98, had an affair, not proud of it. It was broken off in 8/98, sense then tryed to make amends. Have seen counselors, gone thur depression, prozac still take. sense 8/99 we have been separated. I was in apt, now she is, I'm in the hse. Have 2 teens, 15y/o daughter. 18 y/o son. Have own businesses, she runs one, I the other. <BR>1/99, she got online in chat rooms, then meet a fellow from calif., we r in Va. He was 13 yrs older, she is 43, me 47. They finally meet, she would fly out to calif or he to va. In 6/00 she split with him. At times she said she was coming back home but never did. Even moved boxs back in 9/00 but only to take them back out. She has said the easiest thing to do is move back but its the hardest. Now in late 9/00, she meets up with an old school friend, he's divorced then recently broke off with a lady he's been seeing for the past 8 years. He comes over to my spouses apt every mon, thur and fri nite, stays all nite, beem doing this now sense nov./00. The resentment has grown stronger every day. In Surviving a Divorce, believe it was josh wrote a letter saying to his spouse cutting off talks with her until she left her lover. that was Dr. Harley's advice. I haven't done that, did see a counselor last week, he recommended to lay low for awhile more. She says she won't file for a divorce...but If I wanted her to she would. We haven't had any words betweeen us now for 10 days, taking Dr Harley's advice from his book. Am I doing wrong? should I tell her to file for divorce? the resentment is building, I'ld take her back in a heart beat and have let her known that almost daily up to the past 10 days. She is building a emtional bond with this old school friend, whom I like to now BEAT the *&@# out off. Thats understandable isn't. She claims I have changed for the good but will i stay that way. my daughter let it out that her mom said she would go back to me if this fellow doesn't work out....well thank u, comfortable thought, just like in the book I spoke of. What is an answer if there is one. Go out and date, tryed it, don't want the bond to deveople then we get back together, the other person will be hurt, i won't do that. So confused....seems like I need a closure or is it to early.

Welcome <B>aloneagain_m47</B>...<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>If you're still saying(or thinking) "I'd take her back in a heart beat..."...<BR>...stay or start in on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>When you no longer think of having her back...<BR>When you can not jsut envision... but actually prepare for life on your own...<BR>...then think of Plan B as a preparatory phase before any divorce.<P>You may also want to check out my Plan B posts...<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000177.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B - 101 (2nd ed.)</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000413.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B - 201</A>.<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>