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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 47
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 47 |
Here I am on the "flip" side, almost 2 years<BR>out from a divorce, dating again, had dinner with a WONDERFUL sweet man on Saturday who has been divorced for 14 years. In our conversation, he noted that he had grown and changed for the better since his divorce (words we long to hear!) but it made me kinda sad because his first marriage (with 2 children) failed and now, NOW, out here, later, he gets it together. <BR>And I wonder: WHY DIDN'T YOU GET IT 15 OR 16 OR 18 YEARS AGO??<BR>I figure I'm still carrying some anger toward my own ex who didn't/wouldn't/couldn't GET IT during 19 years. But I feel sort of bad about possibly benefiting now from what he learned.<BR>Anyone else feel this sadness, guilt, backlash?
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Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 1,514
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Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 1,514 |
If we got everything right the first (or even the fifteenth) time there would be no point in our earthly sojourn. We would already be angels. It's no use blaming him for your ex-husband's shortcomings. Just credit him for his own progress.<P>Being a member of the male sex is not like having been a member of the Nazi party. There is no choice to join, and no participation in any collective guilt. Our moral records are individual, not bound up in what others have done. <P>If his moral record is unacceptable, dump him now and find someone more saintly. I'm sure Jesus did that a lot ... NOT!
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 600
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 600 |
WV,<P>Sure glad to hear that this guy got "it". But I'm not sure exactly what "it" is yet. The nice part about first dates is that I can be a lot nicer than I really am for a few hours with just about anyone. Really not too hard to figure out what someone wants to hear and just say those things for a while.<P>But then again, people do mature, they do grow up, and some do have a profound change in attitude. Experience is a fool's teacher, some people had to make every mistake to get where they are today.<P>The fact that one made some horrible mistakes in the past leaves him under no obligation to repeat those same mistakes in the future. Neither is it a guarentee that mistakes won't be repeated. <P>Let's see if you still think he finally got "it" after a couple of years of dating. By that time you will have adjusted to any feelings of anger and guilt.<P>Bumper <P>
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