My H told me and the counselor that after a year of coming to see him and hating it, after doing all kinds of things, trying, that there are (as I said) only cosmetic changes. That his feelings haven't changed, they are the same as always. He is afraid I will want to divorce before our S is grown up and that it will hurt him. That he's done all the homework, that we were going to counsel for 6 months - well, it's been a year. That he's never loved me the way a husband should love a wife, nor have I loved him in return. that we have to do what's best for our son, i.e. stay together and parent him.<P>Not surprised, but it still hurts. The easiest thing to do would be to stay in this place, but I will lose my soul if I do. I told him I fell in love with him for his integrity, and that I can't live a lie. I used to brag about how good he was, even to his mother. I can't say those things anymore because it would be expressing beliefs I no longer have. <P>He wants me to at least stay in the house until summer to make things easier for our S. He came up with that immediately, so I know he was prepared for my not accepting the Stay together til he is grown up idea already. <P>I'm feeling nuts. I knew this was coming and I thought I was prepared and I can't stay living like a split person. <P>I guess Plan A didn't work or maybe I didn't do it good enough. It's too late for Plan B. On our son's birthday party my H was doing everything and taking care of everything, thoughtful and caring, and I was hit with the realization that "I no longer love him. Everything is in place, but it has died."<P> I don't know the exact minute or day that it finally did die, but I realized it during the party. <P>I am crying because of the loss of the dream we had. Thank God for the Zoloft. <P>As for the OW, he says the last invitation he had from her or her family was november when the OWH invited my H to a football game with him and their son. He declined that invite. The OWH thinks the friendship between his W and my H is beneficial and benign at least he voiced such 3 years ago. It has in my view destroyed what we had.<P>I told him he is throwing away a perfectly good wife. And the session ended early. I said goodbye to the counselor and we walked out. I couldn't look at my H and walked ahead of him to my car. <P>He's off the hook. He got me to call it quits so he's not the Bad Guy. Passive aggressive. He can say he did everything I asked, but I still divorced him. <P>Now our son, how can I live with myself if I hurt him by breaking up our marriage? And how can I live with myself if I am living a lie? What do I teach him? <P> <BR><P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess