I am now living on my own, which is weird in its' self without all the other "stuff", ie. emotions. In my last post I wrote of how my husband is coming out of the fog, showing emotion & remorse. He brought meals to me and calls me to make sure everything is okay. He knows where I stand regarding forgiveness and the desire to rebuild, as I have told him (no assuming). I am being "strong" and not calling him because I want him to see and know that I will not be taken for granted and that I can stand on my own two feet (something he already knows I am capable of)and will lead a good life with or without him. It has only been a week (not even a full one) and I really do miss him. Do you think that he misses me? He called me yesterday morning, and said he'd talk to me later, yet he didn't call. I am not going to let negative thoughts overcome my mind, so I am just going to let it go. I wonder if his reaction to my leaving and seeing my new place was just an initial reaction to his lonliness, and not really for me. I guess I just can't control my thoughts very well, as it deeply saddens me to think I am not in his thoughts. I am working with emotions and not facts regarding his feelings, it is just what I think he is feeling. I could be way off base, and I hope I am. Please give me some advise!!!!!

It sounds like you are doing great (considering the circumstances)! You’ve just got to roll with the emotions.<P>Try not to think too much about what your husband is feeling. No doubt he’s going through a complex emotional roller-coaster just like you are. So if you are looking for consistency from him, you’re not likely to find it.<P>Concentrate on taking care of yourself, and try to explain to your husband that healing takes time. <I>Both</I> of you need to go slow. Marital counseling would be good.<BR>

Rejected,<P>GdP is right. You are not going to find the consistency you want to find, because he is probably on just as big a rollercoaster ride as you are. GdP is also right that you should concentrate on yourself right now, with your goal being to stabilize yourself, your emotions, and your thoughts. <P>Here are a couple of things to consider, though. Your H is not attempting to "cut you out of his life" and make you go away, in fact, he is making effort to stay in touch with you. Personally, I think that is a good sign. While it is certainly conceivable that he was reacting to the sight of your new apartment, I tend to think that there was an initial fog-clearing. <P>This is like a Plan B that you are trying to execute, right? The major difference being that there was not infidelity, there was severe neglect, right? Okay, I'm just confirming here: your ultimate goal/hope would be to make him wake up to work on the marriage with you. In other words, if you had your "preference" you do not want him to let you go, you want him to not take you for granted anymore, right?<P>Then here's one word of caution. In the attempt to find themself or the get back on their own feet, people often go to counselors to talk about their problems, conflicts and issues. However, going to an individual counselor can be like going to a singles tennis coach when you are part of a doubles team. The singles coach is going to improve the single player, but may not improve the player's teamwork skills. Thus, the word of caution would be to pick a counselor who's goal is to help you sort out your issues in ways that would improve your marriage. In other words, find a marriage counselor who's priority is to help you two find healthy ways of resolving your conflicts and dealing with your issues WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY RESTORING YOUR LOVE. For example, if one of your conflicts is spending time (you think he needs to spend more time with you, and he thinks he spends plenty of time with you), if the goal is just to resolve conflict, you two will negotiate a "reasonable" schedule and assume that both parties will stick to it--but in the meantime, your feelings of love are still missing and so are his. HOWEVER, if the goal is to resolve the conflict and restore the love, you two might try to explain to each other what "spending time" means and why it is important, and he would spend more time because it makes you feel loved and you would got to where he is and help him because it makes him feel loved. Thus, the conflict is resolved and the love is on the right track. <P>Does this make any sense to you? Well, let us know how it's going, okay?<P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.