Well the puke ex did it again, this time to his 8 yr. old daughter. For the past couple of months he's been pretty good about taking his visitation. Before that, he went 2 years hardly seeing his kids even though he lives 2 miles away. He promised our daughter that he'd take her to the father/daughter dance that is tonight. In fact, when she was with him 2 weeks ago he even commented that Feb. 9th was perfect because he'd be gone the Friday after that. So, we get back from vacation yesterday and the kids try to call him but he isn't home. I took daughter shopping for an outfit for the dance and she's very excited. Son finally reaches my ex late last night after daughter is in bed and he comments that he has plans and won't be taking them this weekend, of course also means no father/daughter dance. When I told daughter this morning that she wouldn't be going with her dad to the dance her eyes filled with tears. So, he succeeded again! He loves to hurt me and if he can really jab the knife good into his kids he'll hurt me every time. So, the question. It's to late to try and reach one of her uncle's to see if they can take her. I could take her but I'd be the only mother there and I'm not sure if that is appropriate. Or....I could get a movie for her and I to watch together and just explain to her that she has to miss the dance. Torn.....suggestions?????

Bonnie,<P>I would talk with H. Don't berate him, just remind him of the dance. He may have forgotten it, and even if he hasn't let him know that is what you think. It gives him a chance to save face. If you call and his W/GF? answers tell her the situation. I suspect that being female she will appreciate the importance of this dance to your D.<P>I say this because I didn't invite a girl I was sort of not dating to the Senior prom and I learned how important it is to girls. It wasn't to me. My sisters and even my W (who I didn't know at the time and wouldn't meet for 12 more years) still remind me of what a clod I was. The prom was 38 years ago. So I have belatedly learned my lesson. These things are important to girls, if not boys.<P>If you like tell your Ex my story. He may come to appreciate how he will pay in the coming "decades" if not large fractions of a century. <P>Hope you can get a hold of him.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

So, he succeeded again! He loves to hurt me and if he can really jab the knife good into his kids he'll hurt me every time. <P>First off read this again.<BR>It is not about him doing this to hurt you, plain and simple he is a jerk. Maybe someday he will grow up and kick himself but until then don't kick yourself.<BR>Secon, there must be other parents that are divorce so why not go instead of him. You now are the mother and father.<BR>Good luck, Janiee

<BR>Bonnie!<P>Even I thought he was starting to come around. Its possible that he did a brain fade on the dance, but JL, this guy's got a long history of twisting the knife. Its just crushing to your D - knowing kids as I do, I am certain she was telling all of her friends she'd be there. It just amplifies the pain.<P>Bystander

I'd call him first & see if he forgot, but if you can't get him ASAP, I'd call an uncle in to sub...<P>My 8 year-old would certainly be hurt by this, but would probably happily go with an uncle...

Thanks for your quick responses guys. I think I have it solved. JL, your advice is always sound but if you knew my ex's history you'd know he's not sound. I can't call him and talk to him or his girlfriend, they answer no phone calls from me. See, my husband (daughter's step dad) would step in and take her but we have his two kids this weekend. Him and I firmly believe that visitation is for the bio parent, NOT a step parent. Since he has his kids for visitation only I would never want him to miss time with his own kids to fill in for my ex because he's a jerk. But, thank God my husband's ex is a normal human being. My husband called her, explained the situation and now he's going to pick his kids up at 8:00 instead of 6:00. That way he can take my daughter to the dance for an hour or two. In exchange, he'll keep his kids on Sunday two hours later then usual, that way he's not short changing them. Ya know, when my daughter grows up she's going to remember that it was her step dad there for her instead of her own father and by then it will be too late for the ex. Oh and Bystander.....how's it going? Send me an e-mail when you can. We enjoyed our vacation to Florida!

(((((((((BONNIE)))))))))<P>I'm sorry to hear about this. I had a very similar thing happen. My daughter had a "father/daughter" thing for Girl Scouts at Home Depot. Ex wouldn't commit in case he had to "work". I knew deep down he was lying to her. At last minute he did back out. We sent HIS DAD as a backup. It breaks my heart that the kids get caught up in this mess at times.<P>The relationship you and current H have, and how you work at it, sounds like it is going well and you two have a lot of the same views. That is great. He sounds like a great guy and I'm glad to hear someone moved past divorce and is surviving in a new marriage. Sure, its not the ideal to divorce, but in many inevitable cases, I still believe we should go on and be happy again.<P>Sorry I haven't been in touch in a while. Too much to mention here, but email me when you have time.<P>Hugs,Dana<BR>

BEAUTIFUL SOLUTION!!!!!!!!!!<P>Pat yourself on the back. And hug and kiss your husband for being terrific!