First i would like to thank you for responding to my post. <BR>I guess I need to clear some things up about my post because I certainly do not want anyone here thinking that I am making false allegations against my husband and his so called "church". It was my husband's entire church who told my husband that our daughter was not his and that I was not raped. It was instigated by the pastor. They are a horrible group of people, I don't like to do any name calling but it is simply the truth. <P>This church does stress that the man should be the "head of household" which I have no problem with but what I have a problem with is that I am not allowed to voice my opinion and if I have a problem I am not allowed to talk it over with my parents, I must go to either my father in law or the pastor. I am not about to listen to any advice from FIL because he is an alcoholic and abused his wife and children, and he has a failed marraige. He also committed numerous acts of adulterty and beats on animals. As you can see this is not a man anyone should seek out advice from. My MIL went to the pastor for help with her marriage, the pastor basically told her to "shut up" and "take it" and in the meantime sexually assaulted her. So, I am not about to seek advice from him either. Even if the pastor had not done what he did to my MIL I would not go to the pastor because of the lies he told about me.<P>The church not only advocates corporal punishment, which I am against (wasn't until I held my precious baby for the first time) but it does advocate child abuse. They preachh that spanking should start at six-months-old, which is entirely too young. This is abuse. They also believe that a child should be sapnked daily regardless of whether or not the child has misbehaved. Their theory is that every person, including children, sin at least once a day, they just aren't caught. I don't mean to brag but I for one do not sin daily, I do not sin weekly, I do not sin monthly and I didn't as a child either. People may think that I am lying for making this claim but if you knew me in person you would know that it is the truth. Children do not deserve to be spanked just because. This church also thinks that spanking should result in "bruises and welts". I hope you understand now that I am not making false allegations against anyone and that all I am writing is the truth.<P>My daughter is 18 months old and at this stage in her life she does need the attachment to at least one person. It is important to her development. She is quite advanced for her age and I think that at least some of her intelligence can be contributed to the fact that I spend so much time with her. She needs to develop trust.<P>I know I am coming across as being defensive, please forgive me, i do not want to stir up trouble. Its jsut that time and time again I have been told I am the wrong one. I am not saying that I can take no blame but I am not the only one. I also have been accused of being a liar and exaggerating things about my husband and the church. Only people involved in the church say this, people outside of it know the truth. But my good name has been slandered and thrown in the dirt enough already. I just wanted to clear things up with you before you think of me like they think of me. It is a terrible position to be in when no one will listen to you because it is me against 100.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by brokenwings:<BR><B>I guess I need to clear some things up about my post because I certainly do not want anyone here thinking that I am making false allegations against my husband and his so called "church". It was my husband's entire church who told my husband that our daughter was not his and that I was not raped. It was instigated by the pastor. They are a horrible group of people, I don't like to do any name calling but it is simply the truth.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Frankly, if my family hadn't already seen this kind of insanity in churches, I would find your story to be unbelievable. And even though, sadly, I <I>do</I> believe your story, I still have a hard time calling such a poisonous environment a church.<P>If I were you, I would absolutely refuse to have anything more to do with such a "church", and I could not respect a husband who would accept that kind of slander toward his wife either. I admit that I have a hard time being objective about such matters, since my own experience of church has been rather...mixed...shall we say. But I am tempted to suggest that no matter how big a "lovebuster" it would be, you should urge your husband to check out (for himself) what the Bible says is his duty toward his wife, and then see if he can in good conscience have anything more to do with his "church".<P>He might <I>start</I> with the passage about leaving his father and cleaving to his wife. He's an adult; he should be able to think for himself and make decisions for himself. He has a <I>responsibility</I> to stand on his own two feet. (Hey, if he's got an ego, you might as well appeal to it.)<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>The church not only advocates corporal punishment, which I am against (wasn't until I held my precious baby for the first time) but it does advocate child abuse. They preachh that spanking should start at six-months-old, which is entirely too young. This is abuse. They also believe that a child should be sapnked daily regardless of whether or not the child has misbehaved. Their theory is that every person, including children, sin at least once a day, they just aren't caught.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I've got no argument with your definitions here. How on earth can something be called a "punishment" if the child doesn't even know what he is being "punished" for? How the **** is that supposed to teach anything useful?<P>Oh, and by the way, if it isn't harder to for you as a parent to <I>apply</I> corporal punishment than it is for your child to <I>receive</I> it, then it <I>is</I> abuse. In my opinion, anyway. It's <I>supposed</I> to be an emotionally wrenching experience for the parent.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>My daughter is 18 months old and at this stage in her life she does need the attachment to at least one person. It is important to her development. She is quite advanced for her age and I think that at least some of her intelligence can be contributed to the fact that I spend so much time with her. She needs to develop trust.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Again, no argument from me and no criticism intended. I was just advising you to be careful, given your background. And kids grow up <I>so</I> fast... <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>I know I am coming across as being defensive, please forgive me, i do not want to stir up trouble. Its jsut that time and time again I have been told I am the wrong one. I am not saying that I can take no blame but I am not the only one. I also have been accused of being a liar and exaggerating things about my husband and the church. Only people involved in the church say this, people outside of it know the truth. But my good name has been slandered and thrown in the dirt enough already. I just wanted to clear things up with you before you think of me like they think of me. It is a terrible position to be in when no one will listen to you because it is me against 100.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Heh. It sounds to me like maybe you <I>ought</I> to stir up some trouble (but please <I>don't</I> take <I>that</I> comment as advice). And don't worry about being defensive here. I'm guessing a lot of us have here have had the experience of being undeservedly slandered and ostracized. We <I>know</I> how it feels. Although, for the sheer <I>number</I> of people you seem to have ranged against you, you've sure got <I>me</I> beat...<P>You're in a real tough spot, I'm afraid. A lot may depend on whether your husband is able to develop a backbone. If instead he tries to build his sense of self-esteem off of "putting you in your place" (which seems to be how he's been trained), then you've got a worse problem than "fog" to contend with.<P>Does your husband care about getting your respect? The answer to that question may be critical.<BR>

Please do a search for all posts by Renae. Most of her threads are on the Other Topics board and concern SPIRITUAL ABUSE. Her "church" wasn't even quite as extreme as your H's. You will get a big eye-opener.