We (well my H) will be filing divorce papers in the next few days. At this point I have started to accept the situation (though I am not happy with it at all obviously) in order to preserve some sanity and protect myself from further hurt.<p>Before we finally did break up for good, I had attempted implementing MB concepts (as well as other concepts gleaned from other sources mentioned on this forum). My H had noticed some changes, but as previously mentioned in another post, refused to accept that they could be long-lasting enough to save the marriage. In his eyes, things were too far gone for him, and he wanted out.<p>In the past week I met with him to tell him that I had accepted what was happening, and that I was responsible for my happiness in life, and he for his. That I was sorry and disappointed that we were unable to work out a solution, and that I still loved him, though I knew I had to change that love to something different that may someday lead to friendship. And that there would always be a place for him in my heart. He seemed nervous, but still angry and resentful. For me it was a way to take some "emotional control" over the situation. In a subsequent meeting (re the divorce) I noticed how uncomfortable and fidgety he was with me, and how his voice cracked when he spoke. I guess that this situation is hard on him too.<p>Now to the point... I guess in a way I am thinking that he may be having second thoughts... at least it is a hope I have until the D is final. At the same time, thru accepting the situation, I have come to realize how we both entered into the marriage with very different goals and commitments, and that frankly we could never go back to where we were before, and that he would have to review his position on life-time committment in a major way for me to feel comfortable.<p>If he is having second thoughts, how can I tell him (without pushing and the such) that if he feels he has cornered himself into a situation that he does not want that he can still come back into my life? Obviously he would have to admit to himself that he doesn't want the divorce (and knowing how some men will not admit their mistakes -and he is one of those, may be too much of a biggie for him). And of course, these are just suppositions - most likely he just feels like crap, but is 100% into ending the marriage.<p>So basically, how can I show him the door is still open?<p>Janet<p>PS -the edit: right now things are pretty amiable, so I would not want to do anything that may jeopardize that. maybe my solution is to just wait and not lose all hope, and let any changes come from him.<p>[This message has been edited by Janet (edited 01-17-99).]
