I just needed to vent re:the selfishness of my STBXH. My life has turned into the movie of the week. My H keeps (& has been for along time) telling me how broke he is, "Do you know how much it costs to upkeep this house", blah blah blah, as if I don't know!<P>The OW thought that he was wealthy, Her every whim was met, he'd leave $100 bills for her all the time, expensive restaurants, clothes, the list is endless. I'm the one who stood by his side, lived in a tiny place, put so many things on hold, in order to reach the goals we set forth. I didn't feel it was a sacrafice, I was in love & would go to the ends of the earth for him.<P>The OW will not see him, and this makes him crazy. He basically turned his life upside down for her-I'm in turn discarded like a piece of trash. How do you find your self-worth & esteem again? The pain has been unbearable, especially lately, knowing how crazy in love/lust he is with the OW, and the extent to which is has gone to win her over.

Gee, Rejected, I do not know what to say to you except one thing:<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Rejected}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Damn, this sucks and hurts, doesn't it? I lived just like you: I am the one who stayed up late with the kids, I am the one who lived in a little shack by the train track, I am the one who started the business with him, and I am the one who helped A LOT in making the business prosper, I am the one who worked night and day so he looked successful, and and I am the one who was supporting the family while he finished college. BUT, who gets all the love and who gets the trappings of the success I worked so hard for and who gets the winter vacation in Utah? THE OW, THAT'S WHO!<P>It seems so unfair, and it truly hurts to the core. That's part of the reason why it's so hard for me to even consider working with him now. Last year, Valentines'Day was ruined, our anniversary was ruined, my birthday was ruined, the holidays were ruined--and yet this year, I'm trying to celebrate with him. <P>I guess what I'm saying is that we can not keep living in the past...what WAS, what we SHOULD have, or what HAPPENED. At some point, we have to live NOW. Rejected, he may pine away for the OW for a while--it's actually fairly typical. Then, when he accepts that she really doesn't want him, he's going to be all depressed and withdrawn. If you want to stay with him, you are going to have to roll with the punches, get through it, and live NOW. <P>Do you have some kind of legal document requiring him to pay you a certain amount, or is it just an "understanding" between you two? If there's a legal document, he can be in big, BIG trouble if he doesn't pay you. A lot of times they'll say, "Well, I'm broke" when what they mean is "After I pay the rent on my $3000/mo. penthouse, and pay the car pymnt. on my new corvette, and take my new GF out every night, and pay the new maid service, I don't have any extra, leftover money." The court will not take that kindly. <P>In the meantime, I want you to write me back. What is one thing that you, Rejected, LOVE to do that you haven't done in a long time? Do you like classical music? Do you like to listen to music loud? Do you like to sing along in the shower? Do those things with GUSTO now, and let yourself enjoy them a little. Leave your shoes IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOOR (gasp!). Don't do the dishes one night and let them sit in the sink overnight! I want you to write me back tomorrow with one silly, fun thing that you did for yourself TONIGHT, and I will write you back too and tell you the silly, fun thing that I did to help myself live NOW (not in the past).<P>See ya tomorrow!<P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

How do you find your self-worth and esteem again? By continuing to do what is right. We should never have to depend on someone else to define our worth (except God, who defined it to be very high indeed).<P>The world isn't fair, as much as we might think we would like it to be. (In reality, I think we tend to want it to be a bit unfair in our favor.) But the unfairness of it doesn't have anything to do with our value.<BR>