Well, we went to court this morning and just barely avoided seeing the judge. But we did get everything worked out and I'm satisfied, for now. It'll still be tight, but the bills will be covered while the divorce is pending and I'm looking for a new, better-paying job that will cover all the household expenses. That alone has set my mind at ease.<P>The new revelations? I got in contact with my stbx's first love.....who's now married and in another state (ain't e-mail wonderful?).<P>Oh my! Turns out, I married a player. It also turns out that he pulled the same thing with her that he pulled with me ---- a la let the woman have another relationship, and then use it as an excuse for the breakup (while he starts another one on the sly).<P>His new attorney set him to right on this subject ---- according to our laws, it's not an affair if the spouse consents and participates.....which he did do in both cases. Consequently, the petition against me has been amended to remove the accusation of adultery --- but my accusation against him will stand.<P>His former girlfriend didn't know about the numerous one-timers that he'd had and all the little short relationships that he'd had. So I asked some friends about what they had heard about the relationship of myself and my stbx.<P>Turns out, he was telling people that it was an 'open' relationship from the very start. I.e. Yes, he's been messing with other women behind my back for the entire time. And lying to me about it!<P>No wonder he approved of my relationship!<P>You know what's really crazy though? If he were willing to go and get some help for his relationship problems, I'd stand by him. <P>That surprises even me. That yes, I do love this man this much and take my vows so seriously.....that I would stand by him if he were to ask me to do so. <P>It's so confusing. I want to be so mad at him, but my heart aches for him. And then there's the bitter-sweet win/lose of today's settlement.<P>I guess I should be happy that he wants to be a part of his daughter's life. But at the same time, I don't want my daughter being raised around a player.<P>Thanks for listening,<BR>~Amy

I'm so sorry. It sounds like your H will NEVER change. I have a feeling that he will end up a lonely old man.<P>I hope things work out for you and your daughter. Good luck on your job search and to a happy future.

Amy,<P>I can only echo Survivor's sentiments. I'm so sorry that he's that way. Unfortunately, it sounds like you're better off without him.<P>You said:<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR><B><BR>You know what's really crazy though? If he were willing to go and get some help for his relationship problems, I'd stand by him.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE></B><P>Not crazy--it just shows that, unlike him, you are a decent, caring person.<P>Take care,<P>Steve <p>[This message has been edited by StillHers (edited February 14, 2001).]