<BR>With the exception of a stray comment here and there, I don't have a lot of anger towards my STBX even though there has been a lot of abuse and betrayal ... is this something to be concerned about? I don't want it surfacing two or ten years down the road ... even my psychologist asked about it and all I could guess is that attending church is helping me to let it go rather than dwell on it like the "old me" may have done ... any thoughts?

I feel you TLC,<BR>Resentment is counter productive. Jesus has a way of fighting your battles for you. In battles there are causalties. Don't put your self in the line of fire. Just work on improving yourself, and everything else will take care of it's self one day at a time.

How about hurt? Do you feel hurt? Or what about depression?<P>Hurt and sadness are natural reactions to betrayal and loss, and it is healthy to grieve. Anger is another natural reaction to being hurt, and it is not inherently unhealthy, provided it is not indulged or allowed to get out of control. Depression is <I>not</I> healthy, but it is one way in which buried hurt and anger can manifest if you do not allow yourself to experience your natural feelings.<P>I "used" depression to hide from my anger and hurt and fear for years. But fortunately (or by the grace of God), when my wife suddenly left me I had already learned to come to terms with my feelings. I felt abandoned, betrayed, and hurt; but I felt very little anger toward her. It has been months since I have felt any anger toward her at all, in spite of the calumny and extortion to which she has subjected me. I attribute my lack of anger to three factors.<P>First, I <I>allowed</I> myself to feel my pain. This means I didn't need to redirect my basic emotional response into a derivative such as anger or depression.<P>Second, I was able to achieve a significant understanding of what my wife was going through, and to empathize with her. Understanding and compassion go a long way toward defusing anger.<P>Third, I am just not a generally angry person. Some personalities are more prone to anger than others, and although I can be provoked, my threshold is pretty high. I'm a <I>que sera sera</I> kind of guy with an automatic tendency to look at things from multiple perspectives.<P>The bottom line, I think, is that you should be concerned if you don't feel <I>something</I>. But it doesn't have to be anger.<BR>

<BR>Well, I found the anger ...<P>My son has it!!<P>He is 5 years old and he's been very difficult for the past weeks. Always telling me things like he wants a new mom, he wants to stay with grandma (dad?) all the time, I'm the worst mom in the whole world etc. ... which escalated this weekend to "Ugly mom!!" and "I wish you were killed!!"<P>I asked him if he knew what that meant, that I would be gone forever and he'd never see me again, and if that is what he wanted, and he said yes. At this, before I fell apart in front of him, I said "Okay" and left his room, and went downstairs. He was quiet for about 15 minutes and then came down and apologized.<P>He doesn't want to talk about the divorce at all, but I found out by what few things he brought up that he's been told that the D is my fault and my idea!!! They (grandma/dad) are also playing mindgames with my 3 year old daughter - she's been grilled about who she's been visiting with me!!<P>I am so angered by these actions and yet I feel there isn't anything I can do. Until there is a temporary custody order, I have them four days and then he has them four days. My first 24 hours with them are spent dealing with their anger and it seems like they aren't my 'normal' sweet children until it's almost time to send them back ... what can you do when the STBX and his family are using the kids against you like this!?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by T-L-C:<BR><B>what can you do when the STBX and his family are using the kids against you like this!?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You can hale them into court for engaging in Parental Alienation. Just make sure you're not doing it too...<P>