Valentine's Day was horrible. I was hoping to get a card or at least a call from my husband, since we have only been "separated" since last Friday, it hasn'tven been a week yet. I got him a card from me and one from our daughter and I drove up to his father's house where he is staying and put it in the mailbox. I expected to get a call from him later on in the evening but he never did call. Finally I called him because I was concerned and thought that maybe his father got to the mail first and threw the cardsaway. My husband said he did get the cards and thanked me for them but nothing else. He asked me what was wrong and I think the answer to that question is obvious.<P>I think my H is having an affair. I just havea very strong feeling, I have asked him and he says no but I do not believe him. It is the only way things would fit together. When I call him I always hear a female voice in the background and no females live in that house. He has told me to give him space and to please not "spy" (something I have never done) on him. <P>I am so hurt by his non reaction tothe cards I gave him. I am also hurt ebcause he wasn't even thoughtful enough to call our daughter to wish her a happy valentine's day. She is only 19months old but it just bothers me that he isn't even thinking of her. I have no idea what to do.<P>Courtney

Did you do Plan A before separating? Separating will not help your marriage, if you are trying to save it.<P>My advice would for you to "snoop" and find out if there really is an OW.<P>Usually, when the WS is "found out," usually the fantasy breaks and the reality & consequences of it all starts to set in.<P>You need to find out exactly what you're dealing with here.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by brokenwings:<BR><B>I think my H is having an affair. I just havea very strong feeling, I have asked him and he says no but I do not believe him. It is the only way things would fit together. When I call him I always hear a female voice in the background and no females live in that house. He has told me to give him space and to please not "spy" (something I have never done) on him.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I know first-hand the paranoia that rears its ugly head in these kinds of circumstances. Believe me, I've been there. There's not much you can do about it except try to reason with yourself.<P>But I don't know what to make of the "facts" in this case. I am making a big assumption here, but the "church" you have described doesn't sound like the place that would condone an affair, and is it likely that your husband would actually be carrying on with another woman in his own father's home? Hmm.<P>On the other hand, why would your husband ask you not to spy on him unless he had something to hide? Especially if you have not behaved like that in the past?<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>I am so hurt by his non reaction tothe cards I gave him. I am also hurt ebcause he wasn't even thoughtful enough to call our daughter to wish her a happy valentine's day. She is only 19months old but it just bothers me that he isn't even thinking of her. I have no idea what to do.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Has your husband ever reacted much to cards you gave him in the past? They may just not be a big deal to him. And he may just have assumed that his daughter would be too young to appreciate or understand valentines and Valentine's Day. His failure to conduct one particular ritual with her does not mean he wasn't thinking of her.<BR>