I'm just going to type in parts of it. <p>By Evan Imber-Black, PH.D.<p>Cell phones. Home offices. The Internet. The dreaded Caller ID. Forget the Other Woman; technology is far more likely to come between you and your man. Here's how to win in a high-tech love triangle.<p>As a couples therapist for the past 25 years, I've been lucky to have a front row seat in the theater of social change. Even before a trend captures the attention of the media, I befin to see its impact on the intimate lives of couples. In the past two or three ears, all the technology we've come to take for granted-email, personal computers, the Internet, cell phones, Call waiting, Caller ID, fax machines, 160 channel television-has begun to reshape and challenge the way we communicate. The age-old issues couples face-trust, power struggles, negotiation, intimacy-have begun to appear rapped in this new disguise. Forget the Other Man or Woman; the intruding party in a relationship is more and more often a piece of equipment.<br> Indeed, my clients tend to talk about the new technology in their lives as if it were a living, breathing creature that simply decided, unbidden, to take up residence in their home. Whatever is newer, speedier, trendier, finds its way in the door.<br> Of course, it goes without saying that technology has also improved our relationships: We can send short, passionate e-mails in the middle of a hecic workday. If traffic makes us late, a quick call from a cell phone can rescue a romantic dinner And we can painlessly avoid a repeat of last Saturday night's disastrous date by letting the answering machine pick up or calls. All of which only adds to the problem: With so much good coming from technology, no one thinks to slow down and look at where it might be hurting us. Pile on that the fact that we have no maps from previous generations to help guide us on our way, and a molehill can quickly grow into an insurmountable mountain of miscommunication. <p>A Demanding Mistress: The Home Computer<p>This intrusion is not just a problem with cell hones and beeper: Laptops and home computers have also linked us to the office in a way that has radically altered the boundary between work and home. Sure, the demands of a busy career have alway competed with the time necessary to build a rich and satisfying relationship, but never before have the borders between our jobs and our personal, emotional lives been so frayed. But don't despair: Solving the problem can be as easy as being aware of it. Take Kevin and Josie, a couple who struggled with Kevin's need to be constantly available to bosses and clients-no matter the impact on their relationship.<br> "My husband, Kevin, drags in every night at eight p.m. He used to say hello to me and give me a hug," Jose said in our first session. "Now he heads straight to his study. First he listens to his answering machine, then he checks his e-mail and reads his faxes. He spends the next half hour answering messages, wolfs down his dinner, and then disappears to his computer for the rest of the night. I've been married two years, and I'm a technology widow."<br> For them, the solution was simple: Kevin simply did not realize how much of his free time was being eaten up by faxes and e-mails, and he quickly agreed to switch off his computer every night at eight 9'clock. And Josie created a daily ritual leaving Kevin an endearing e-mail message at the same time every afternoon to help them reconnect.<p>A Virtual Triangle: Infidelity<p>As the Internet burgeons-it will reach 75 to 80 percent of the population in the next few years-it probably comes as no surprise that sex is the most-searched-for topic online. And the possibilities of cybersex mean that the age-old dilemma of infidelity is playing out in a totally new venue.<br> "I came home a day early from a business trip," Samuel began in our first couples therapy session. "It was past midnight. I expected to find Janice asleep, but a small light was on in our study. I found my wife at the computer, writing intimate messages to a man she's never met."<br> "It's all just a fantasy," Janice responded defensively. "I'm bored and lonely. He's always traveling. I'm so tired of being alone, and this brings some company into my life."<br> For Samuel and Janice, the gulf in the way they looked at this was only the tip of the iceberg. As I got to know them, I descovered that, after 12 years of marriage, they were at a point in their relationship when many issues needed to be renegotiated. Samuel was a high-powered attorney, a partner in a successful and demanding corporate law firm. He traveled about 35 percent of the time. Janice was also a lawyer, but currently unemployed because she had quit her job to accompany Samuel cross-country for a career move. I observed Samuel's look of surprise when Janice said, "I didn't really like my job all that much, so it made sense to go where Samuel's work demanded." I silently wondered how much this couple knew about each other.<br> "We found our fabulous new house over the Internet. I use the Internet to plan all my travel. It's been a terrific source of information," Samuel remarked. "What started out as our friend has ended up as my enemy," he continued, personifying the computer as if it were a member of their social network.<br> "I began using the computer a lot to e-mail my sister and my best friend," said Janice, who had left behind both family and friends. "Pretty soon I was visiting chat tooms, telling my feelings to total strangers and wondering why I couldn't talk to my husband. But shenever I tried to tell Samuel how sad I felt, he changed the subject and turned on the television." Her resentment and enormous loneliness went further and further undreground. One night when Samuel was out of town on one of his many business trips, Janice began an electronic correspondence that started with a friendly exchange and led rapidly to an online love affair.<br> "I had no intention of ever meeting this man," Janice insisted. "This was exciting and fun. Samuel and I haven't had fun in a long time. I only wrote to this man when Samuel was traveling. I could pour out everything I was feeling. It's not like I was unfaithful. It wasn't even with a real person."<br> But as we talked, Samuel and Janice began to disclose thoughts and feelings they'd each been harboring. Janice was surprised to find that her online tryst had hurt Samuel so deeply. Samuel, in turn, was stunned to discover that Janice felt she didn't matter to him very much. As we worked on their relationship, Samuel and Janice realized how little time they had actually made for each other and just how estranged they'd become. Janice's Internet affair, while very painful, served as a powerful wake-up call, alerting them to the very real need to rebuild their intimate connection. <br> It was also a wake-up call for what Janice was missing in her own life. Much to Samuel's surprise, she had presented herself online as a woman with a thriving and creative career in the arts. He thought she was eagerly anticipating a position in a law firm when what she really wanted was to get a master's degree in museum arts administration.<br> Janice also revealed a steamy, passionate side online, another part of herself she'd never revealed to Samuel. It took nine intense months of therapy, but their marriage changed progoundly from on marked by distance, silence, and a focus on the practical details of life to a close, connected relationship with conversations in which they revealed their vunerabilities. time for each other, and emotional and sexual intimacy.<p>Taming Technology<p>Have you put technology in its proper place in your relationship? Answer the following questions so that you and your partner can make informed decisions about what kind of technology to keep in your lives.<p>When you get home from work, which do you do first, check your 3-mail or kiss your partner? If you fave the wrong answer, remember: Your e-mail will wait; your mate may not.<p>Has the technology in your lives contributed to a sense of impatience between the two of you? If you answered yes, stop and ask yourselves, for example: Do we really need to beep each other multiple times a day? Is a cell phone absolutely necessary? And remember that intimacy can grow only when you spend quality, uninterrupted time together.<p>How much time outside of your regular work hours every day gets devoured by answeing machines, fax machines, work calls and laptops? How does this cmpare witht he time you spend relaxing with your partner at the end of the day? Do you like the ratio? If not, figure out a new ratio together-and stick to it.<p>Are you (or your partner) carrying on an online affair? If so, ou are headed for a crisis-it's still a betrayal, you're still keeping secrets, and you're still lying-and you should consider therapy.<p>Has technology moved into your bedroom? Move it out. Bedrooms are for sleeping, snuggling, and having sex.<p>Please excuse any typos. I'm not the best typist and I don't want to re-read all of this. LOL<p>Steph <p>P.S. This is only some of the article. If you want the whole thing please let me know. The other parts deal with cell phones and caller id's and call waiting.

Thanks Steph.

Steph,<p>Thanks for posting that. We had a spat about that thing last night. I printed the article, but felt like I'll wait until today to give it to her. After you argue about something you don't like to feel as if your're piling on.