I called my husband today to try to talk him out of this separation one more time. I am having a hard time living at my parents' house and I think we need to work our marriage out together not apart. He said he had plans to go to this college campus for one of our mutual friend's birthday party but the party isn't until tomorrow. I asked him to please go up there tomorrow and talk to me tonight, he refused. He always cancelled plans with me to do things with other people but he won't cancel his plans with his buddies to try to save our marriage. I told him how hurt I am because he has not called to even make sure the baby and I are okay and he said he is giving me my space. I don't need space. I want him to call, I want to feel like I might actually matter to him and if I don't that at least our daughter does. I thought we were separated to try to work things out not to get a definite divorce. He acts as if the baby and I no longer exist. I have called him everyday since he told me last Friday and he told me that I am lieing about that. I cannot believe he lied, I told him that I will show him my parents' phone bills for proof. He told me that this was my decision...it was not, I have begged him over and over not to do this whole separation thing. I think he was lying about a lot of things because his father was in the same room with him.<P>He told me that he plans on taking the baby every weekend starting with next weekend which is H birthday and that I am no longer invited to his birthday party (three days ago I was). He cannot take the baby. This is a man who has refused to spend 10 minutes with the child since the day she was born. He is very short with her and that scares me. My daughter is very attached and she still breastfeeds, she cannot and never ahs been away from me for that long. My H and FIL are both chain smokers and I refuse to have my daughter's health compromised. My FIL is an alcoholic and my husband is fast becoming one I think. Neither one of them are capapble of taking care of a small child. I am also afraid that they will kidnap her because my H told me that our daughter would be better of raised by my FIL than me. Also, in the "church" they go to their has been two incidences of a husband kidnapping the child. I told my husband that if he wanted to see our daughter then he could but I was going to go along, we would spend time as a family but he insists on being alone with her which is something he never wanted before. He threatened to call the sheriff on me if I did not hannd her over. Then he hung up. I was terrified and shaky and my mother called the magistrate who told her that the sheriff cannot demand that I give my daughter to H and that we can lock our doors and refuse to give her up. I have an appointment on Tuesday at the courthouuse to get complete custody of her due to the circumstances of my H and FIL mental states. I think that after that any chance of reconciliation is completely gone. I guess that is a major lovebuster but I have to protect my daughter. I am starting to wonder if it would be in her best interest for us not to reconcile.<BR>As for my H having an affair he denies it but I plan on snooping to find out. Gnome, you had replied to my posts on Valentine's Day about the church not very likely to advocate affairs. One would think so but it is quite the opposite, They think that if there is not sex between a husband and a wife then it si perfectly okay to have an affair but only for the husband to do so, and even in cases of separation where sex is not really possible. My FIL has had several affairs. In fact I just learned today that his old girlfriend is back living with him and my H now (my FIL is still married). My FIL would be PROUD of his son for having an affair...it would be "putting me in my place". <BR>I am thinking about going to a shelter because I am now concerned for my family's safety. My husband and his father have a whole arsenal of guns and my MIL has been threatened before and my H admitted that summer of 99 he almost killed my mother. My mother and his F got into an altercation and my mother was the only person to ever stand up to his father, This made H very angry. If I went to a shelter then they would not be put in the position of giving me up because they would not know where the baby and I were. I know my family would die rather than give us up and I cannot allow that to happen.<BR>I am very worried about how the bills will get paid now...I am sure he will not pay them. I am so stressed out and so confused right now. I am also very frightened. Its not fair for my little girl to have to go through this.<P>[This message has been edited by brokenwings (edited February 17, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by brokenwings (edited February 17, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by brokenwings:<BR><B>I have an appointment on Tuesday at the courthouuse to get complete custody of her due to the circumstances of my H and FIL mental states. I think that after that any chance of reconciliation is completely gone. I guess that is a major lovebuster but I have to protect my daughter. I am starting to wonder if it would be in her best interest for us not to reconcile.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Given the circumstances, your primary concern <I>has</I> to be to protect yourself and your daughter. You should probably get restraining orders against your husband and his father.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>I am thinking about going to a shelter because I am now concerned for my family's safety. My husband and his father have a whole arsenal of guns and my MIL has been threatened before... If I went to a shelter then they would not be put in the position of giving me up because they would not know where the baby and I were. I know my family would die rather than give us up and I cannot allow that to happen.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Going to a shelter may provide some degree of improved safety, and it may be wise to be unavailable when papers are served on your husband and his father. But that does not guarantee your family's safety. I'm sure that others will disagree, but in my opinion, if there really is a serious threat of violence, then you and your family should have guns of your own. Just make sure that if you get them, you are trained in gun safety and in home defense (designation of a "safe room", etc.), and that you understand the legal ramifications of carrying and using a gun.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>I am very worried about how the bills will get paid now...I am sure he will not pay them. I am so stressed out and so confused right now. I am also very frightened. Its not fair for my little girl to have to go through this.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>No it's not fair. But you really need to talk to a lawyer and see what you can do to protect yourself and your family. Your husband may not voluntarily pay the bills, but he may be legally obligated to do so. If so, that's more <I>his</I> problem than yours.<BR>

brokenwings,<P>First let me say, that is some church your H and FIL attend. Alcohol, affairs, male dominating, advocating spanking for no reason....and I'm sure the list goes on. This doesn't sound like any church I'm familiar with, but I know the world of religion is stranger than fiction. I would avoid this place totally.<P>Second, you need to see a lawyer concerning your child and your H visitation. If you fear kidnapping by him, I would bet the county has supervised visitation available. Also, if your H make threats, a lawyer will be able to help you with a restraining order.<BR>You should be receiving child support from him.<P>Third, stay with you parents. Both you and your child need that support right now. Begin looking for work and get yourself financially stable.<P>Lastly, pray....pray for safety, pray for you H that God will move in his life, pray for forgiveness in your heart.<P>Sorry if these sound like orders, these are just my opinions....I just wrote them quickly and to the point because I'm in a rush to get out the door to work. So, forgive me if I seem harsh or opinionated...just trying to be concise and to the point.<P>Hang in There!

Hi there,<P>you are the one that knows your H, and his family.<P>If you feel unsafe, do whatever it takes to protect you and your baby. You need to put you two first. Don't worry about the bills, or maintenance. They can wait. Your safety can't.<P>I agree, 'some' church. It never fails to amaze me what some people do and believe in the name of religion.<P>Please go with your gut instinct on this one. If your feeling is to get out, then get out. Neither you nor your baby deserve this, but you must deal with it.<BR>And your parents must be wise too. Can the police be involved in this. At least put on notice that these are your concerns.<P>I will be praying for you. Please take care of you and your baby. This worries me.<P>big hugs to you<P>Jo