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TOO ALL,<BR> Sorry I've taken so long to update. Things have been moving soooo fast!! (I know Lori & Cindy... WAY TOO FAST!!) Well, my prayers appear to have been answered.<BR> MY EX W IS ANNULLING HER (way too quick) Marriage to her OM!! She has told me (and the whole family) that she made a BIG mistake and wants US to try again!! She told me she loves me, always has and can't believe she DID THIS!! PRAISE GOD!! NOTHING is impossible with him!!<BR> It started a week after the wedding. She kept calling and making excuses to call or see me. This has gone on really since she left. I did a near perfect plan "A" and just tryed to be her friend. I kept a record on the calender of when she called so I could see a pattern. Well, she called first once a week, then twice, then three... etc... <BR> Then she didn't call at ALL for a month straight. This must have been the time she did the most thinking about what her life was without me and our family together. I this time her family had a get together. I was of course hurt because I wasn't invited for the first time in 15 YEARS!!! <BR> Well, I guess our nephews let her have it about how much they missed me. All the time I was feeling sorry for myself God was working REALLY hard for us!! <P> Papers have been filed, she has told him (although nothing about her and I so he just won't "get it") <BR> Unfortunately, she had a small breakdown when the fog finally lifted and ended up threatening to kill herself. She admitted after that she did it to "take the heat off herself". <P> She is still living with OM and he's trying EVERYTHING to keep it together from threatening to jump off and bridge, to trying to remind her of how much she hated me last summer...<BR> At first I thought it may work BUT, I really think the fog is pretty much gone right now. <BR> He's moving out the first of the week and my ex will stay there until they sell the house. (He's also trying to scare her about where she will live then) <BR> She wants to see me all the time BUT, I keep telling her we can't sneak around behind his back.<BR> This is VERY hard for me because, well, we were Married for 15 years and I still consider her MY WIFE not his. She feels the same now and cries all the time. <P> But, considering the circumstances we have been good. She kissed me once when she was in the hospital during her breakdown (on my Birthday sorry, I couldn't stop myself that time) but other than that, NO physical CONTACT! She calls everyday and we have been watching our grandson together a couple of times a week.<BR> This IS SOOOO HARD!!!! We have decided that she will live alone for a while. She said that this will be hard and that she needs to work on herself for a while but we will date and take it as slow as we can after the annulment is final. She said she NEVER EVER wants to hurt me again.<P> The poor thing is really being hard on herself. She's embarrased, afraid and hates herself for doing this. I keep telling her WE DID THIS TO OUR MARRIAGE not just her. She called the OM's ex fiancé to apologize and has talked to her a couple of times since. She cries and tells me that she doesn't understand how I can take her back and is afraid that I'll change my mind!! <BR> Imagine, after 16 months ME changing MY mind??? NEVER.<P> A weird thing happened too. She sold our wedding bands to a pawn shop (I was mad and hurt and had told her to in the beginning) Well, last month she was crying and told me she had to tell me something. She told me she hocked our rings and asked if I could ever forgive her. I asked where they were hung up he phone and immediately went there. THEY WERE STILL THERE!!! AFTER A YEAR THEY WERE STILL THERE!! PRAISE GOD!!<BR> Now consider that they were the ONLY SET of rings there (most people only have one to hock I imagine) WHY? Fate? I'm praying so. I of course bought them back. We're going to need them. Input PLEASE. GOOD LUCK AND PRAYERS FRANK<P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"WISDOM AND PRAYER is why!!"<P>[This message has been edited by PLEASE HELP (edited February 18, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by PLEASE HELP (edited February 18, 2001).]
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Dear Please Help,<BR>YAHOO!!!!!!!!!!<BR>And, I am soooo happy about your rings! Keep them in a safe place, but buy new ones for your new wedding!!!! That's what I would like, but if your wife wants the old ones....do what she wants.<BR>I know..I am jumping ahead..your new wedding, but it sounds like that is where you are headed!!!<P>I can hear you relaxing...I can hear the joy in your words. Love wins out.<BR>Good Luck....you already have alot of that, stay focused, don't get woossii here, be a man, be the husband, be the head of your house, BUT.....love her to death.<BR> <BR>I also know that you will have pain in your heart forever, remember she will keep the guilt. You have compassion for her already, start a new life together with your Grandson, they can certainly bring people together. We are getting stronger with our 1st Granddaughter, who is 11 months now. Something to fill our minds when we wonder backwords at times. We have been in recovery for 3 years now!!!! (after my husband's Bad Brain Period).... Doing GREAT!<P>REMEMBER THIS........she must totally break off ALL...ALL...contact....ALL! That is the ONLY way it will work.<P>(((((((HUG)))))))<BR>Happy ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif) <P>------<BR>TIME<p>[This message has been edited by Almost Happy (edited February 18, 2001).]
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That is fabulous news. <P>I will say a prayer for you tonight.<P>Thank you for making me smile, and giving me hope.<P>hugs<P>Jo
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Thank you for this update. You & your ex-wife have a lot of healing to do. It won't be easy, but it sounds like you are both on the right track.<P>Be prepared, just in case the OM acts obsessive or does something weird.<P>Please keep us updated. Sending you the best of wishes!
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Frank, I will let everyone else give you advice and commentary.....<P>from me, what you get is:<P>YYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY<P>!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>WOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>HAPPY DANCE!!!!<P>MONDO HUGS FRANK.......<P>Can't wait until you join us over on the recovery board.....I'll just scoot over there and save you a seat.<P><BR>Dylan<P>------------------<BR>"The journey into darkness has been long and cruel, and you have gone deep into it."<BR>~ A Course in Miracles
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by PLEASE HELP:<BR><B>THEY WERE STILL THERE!!! AFTER A YEAR THEY WERE STILL THERE!! PRAISE GOD!!</B><P>Do people actually shop for wedding bands at pawn shops? I would think that would be starting out with a symbol that probably has some bad luck attached ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif) <P>Anyway, in your case, it certainly is remarkable and a happy coincidence that your W recovered those rings.<P>And I am very happy that she wants to return to you.<P>My advice would be to sloooowwww down, and not get your hopes up too much just yet. She ping-ponged from you to him and back to you, and there could be another ping or pong left in there.<P>Before you jump back into a full-time committed relationship with her, I would do a frank post-mortem about where your relationship went off track, what needs you weren't fulfilling for each other, and where the lovebusting started. She has had some very volatile and irrational times, including a nervous breakdown. I wouldn't assume that merely being with you is going to solve her problems. She probably thought merely being with the OM would solve them, and she was wrong.<P>In other words, you seem to be thinking that her emotional problems are the result of her recent volatile relationships....I suspect that her recent volatile relationships are the result of some emotional problems. <P>I would counsel you to set some contingencies before taking her back, among them some serious counseling, both individual and as a couple.<P>Mike <P>
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Frank-- ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/grin.gif) <BR>I agree with Mike, counseling is a must. And, I think living apart with her not with the OM for an amount of time is a good thing. Our last separation was 5 months, and I think the last 2 months of that we both were wanting the marriage, I was a little more tentative at that point, but we re-started counseling and trying to meet each other's needs.<P>We are wearing our old wedding rings. I'd played around with the idea of new rings, but I do like seeing our old rings on our fingers, we had both stopped wearing them years before. Both needed repair and we didn't get around to it. Then repaired them, wore them, separated again and took them off.<P>I do recommend, if not new rings, new vows when you put them back on. If not in front of people...a special moment.<P>Best wishes to you!
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This is wonderful news and an encouragement to those of us who are praying for miracles instead of just playing the odds.<P><I>maybe</I> it was only because I was listening to Sarah McLachlan's "Good Enough", but I broke down three times before I managed to read all the way through your post.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PLEASE HELP:<BR><B>We have decided that she will live alone for a while. She said that this will be hard and that she needs to work on herself for a while but we will date and take it as slow as we can after the annulment is final.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I was very glad to read this. The first time my wife moved out (to stay with her mother), I thought we were really making progress in our relationship. Then after about six months she moved back home with me and things started to become tense again. After another month my wife went back to her mother and a couple weeks later I came home from work to find all her stuff gone and a note demanding an end to our marriage. Ever since, she has done a very successful job of blocking all communication with me. <P>I can't help wondering what would have happened if we had taken more time, and my wife had had more space to figure out what was really going on inside herself.<P>I <I>strongly</I> agree with those who have said that counseling is a must, both individually and as a couple.<BR>
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Frank,<P>You have my prayers... ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif) <P>Go slowly...<P>Start the counseling...<P>Bring her up to speed slowly...<BR>...you are hundreds of steps ahead of her in Plan A...<BR>...she needs a lot of time to catch up!<P>Congratulations!!!!!<P> ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif) <P>Jim<BR>
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Sorry I'm late but I just got home...<P>Ditto to the other replies...<P>I'll be praying for you...<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR><P>May the roads rise to meet you,<BR>May the winds always be at your back,<BR>May the sun shine warm upon your face,<BR>The rains fall soft upon your fields,<BR>And until we meet again,<BR>May god hold you<BR>In the hollow of his hand.
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HI Happy,<BR> Thanks for the hugs!! I couldn't believe they were still there!! So, we decided to use these rings. We are going to engrave something like "Love is eternal" inside them.<BR> We believe that this was just "Part" of our Marriage. We aren't getting re-married (if we do) for "US" but for the kids and for legal reasons. BTW our Grandson is 11 and a half months!! Congrats on your 3 years and getting stronger. I KNOW what a hard road that must have been and I respect your courage. I hope with God's help I can be as strong. Do you think it's harder in the beginning of recovery or in the middle of this mess??<P>HI JO,<BR> I'm glad you are smiling ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif) and thanks for the hugs & prayer!! That means a lot and we're gonna need ALL we can get!!<P>HI Survivor [aka_NoTrust]<BR> How are you?? You are VERY wise in warning me about OM obsessing. All of a sudden he's writing her love letters threatening to jump off a bridge and wanting to go to Church with her. He never went before!!<BR> I have a secret fear I want you to pray for.... I'm afraid he'll try and hurt her..... or worse. You see, he's one of those really quiet guys who doesn't have a relationship with his children or grandchildren AT ALL. My W had to go out and buy gifts for them. AND... he's blaming our children for their "trouble" He just doesn't get it! <BR> She's told him how bad she feels about hurting me and his ex fiancé's and he just said "Well, that's the only way we could be together" Imagine....<P> HI Dylan,<BR> Thanks for the "Happy Dance" and the MONDO hugs!! I want to do it myself but am afraid to "jinx" it you know? <BR> You brought a tear to my eye when you mentioned saving me a seat over on the recovery board... really.... Although I felt we would end up there in my "heart of hearts" sometimes if felt like it would (and it may STILL not) never happen. Whew... you really got to me Dylan, thanks...<P> HI Mike,<BR> Thanks for the response. Well, pawnshop owners WILL NOT buy something they know they can't sell! But I agree, what a poor choice of stores for wedding rings. You're better off saving a little more and starting "fresh".<BR> As for getting my hopes up... I have been going through her "coming back" now for about 5 months. OM has pulled her back at least a DOZEN times. He's used fear, guilt and pity (he's 62 and looking like he'll die alone without her) I'm afraid it still could fall apart and I'm praying it won't. I still hurt knowing it's still "not over" and we have a long way to go, a LONG way.<BR> But now, she's committed to telling her family and our children. I JUST NOW felt confidant enough to "share" this with all my good friends here. Friends that have kept me sane, helped me grow and let me vent so many times in the last 17 months. I know how much I looked (and still do ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif) ) for hope.<BR> As for her "emotional problems" you are right, they have always been there. She has VERY low self esteem. But I believe and it has been my prayer, that God use this to finally heal her and maybe just the knowledge that someone (ME ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif) ) loves her "no matter what"<BR>My love for her has no "contingencies". She is my W and that's enough for me. Counseling is a MUST though I agree. WE have a lot of issues that need professional help.<P> HI Lor,<BR> Thanks for the input. I agree about seeing the "Old" rings on our fingers. Hey, like I said this was PART of our Marriage!! <BR> We have talked about renewing our vows on our anniversary this year (Oct 20th) IF...... we can get to that point in 8 months. If not, then next year for sure. I think we'll make it though because we met in April "85" and were Married in Oct "85" and it lasted 15 yrs the "first" time. We just move quicker than most I guess ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif) Sign me up for another 15 yrs (at least) PLEASE!!<P>GnomeDePlume,<BR> I know what it's like to "Feel" that you need a miracle in this mess!! BUT, I believe that ALL reconciliation's ARE miracles nowadays!! Let's face it, the world is just to accepting of D now!! Our parents generation would have to add the "shame" of a D to their list of minuses. NOT OURS, hey, if it feels bad LOSE IT if it feels good JUST DO IT! "Divorced?" "Ya me too, on my third marriage" "The second or third Marriage is the BEST!" <BR> That's, what people hear out there when they question whether or NOT to D!! <BR> As for your situation, I'm going to sound crazy but when she DOESN'T contact you I think it's best for<BR> your situation. It's the time they actually THINK ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/wink.gif) We had "no contact" times of 14 days, then 34 days then 58 days!!! Then contact, then none for 33 days. This is when GOD is driving the boat.... he is working and FIGHTING for your Marriage. Back off and she'll call eventually. She'll use the STUPIDEST excuse you'll EVER hear to call BUT, she WILL call. <BR> W tells me NOW that this is when she was hurting (about US) the most. So, don't get mad at her or internalize the no contact. Look at it as this is when GOD is working the MOST FOR you!! Give it to him and he can and WILL work miracles!! I'm praying HARD for you!!<P> HI Jim old friend,<BR> Thanks (as always) for the prayers. You are of course in mine. Slow is HARD but necessary I know. Counseling will start as soon as the annulment goes through. You are right, I am a 100 steps ahead in plan "A" and she needs to catch up. With GOD's help we'll guide her home safe, slow and sound!!<BR> GOD BLESS YOU ALL AND I'M PRAYING FOR YOU ALL. PLEASE KEEP IT COMING!! GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS FRANK<P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom and PRAYER is why!!"
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PH,<BR>You asked.....Is it harder in the beginning or the middle?????...."it's hard in the beginning, the middle and now!"...... Different stages, different feelings. In the "BEGINNING", you don't think about everything, you don't want to belive it is even happening, you are devestated and want to wake up from this terrible dream...... in the "MIDDLE", you start THINKING, and imagining things, you are working hard, it is exhausting, alot of tension, and awkwardness,......"NOW", there is calmness, trust, and relaxing, but also, the pain is still there...facts are fading, your marriage is getting stronger, but the pain is still there. I am still looking forward to the future......we still have a way to go, three years have really made a difference, how I got through this???....This Board and Counseling. I still have bad "moments", I have accepted alot, we are moving on. My husband and I give each other alot of hugs...alot. We've been together 32 years!<P>Happy ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif) <P>------<BR>TIME<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Almost Happy (edited February 19, 2001).]
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WOW!<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>
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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PLEASE HELP:<BR><B><P><BR> HI Dylan,<BR> Thanks for the "Happy Dance" and the MONDO hugs!! I want to do it myself but am afraid to "jinx" it you know? <BR> You brought a tear to my eye when you mentioned saving me a seat over on the recovery board... really.... Although I felt we would end up there in my "heart of hearts" sometimes if felt like it would (and it may STILL not) never happen. Whew... you really got to me Dylan, thanks...<P> <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>love ya frank......<P>prayers and good thoughts coming your way...<P>and I did save a seat for you....<I>just in case</I>...<P> ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif) <P>Dylan
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Hey Frank,<P>Congrats and best wishes. Do take things slow as I guess this could qualify as a repond relationship.<P>As for the rings, you can take the old ones to a manufacturing jeweler and have them made into new ones if that what you want.<P>God Bless,<P>Bob
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HI Happy,<BR> Thanks for the timeline. Whew, 32 years God bless you both!! We have been working through a lot of the "pain" through 2-3 hour phone conversations over the last 5 months. I'm sure, although honesty has been reached (sometimes I DON'T want THAT much honesty!! ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif) ) there will still be a lot of HARD HARD work ahead. Thanks....<P> Chris,<BR> WOW is right!!!!! My sentiments exactly!! ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/wink.gif) <P>Dylan,<BR> Thanks for the positive thoughts and prayers. Hey, better hold TWO seats over at the RB!! Yes, I think WE'LL need a seat FOR SURE!! I want my W to start posting here too, I KNOW it will help her and I want you guys to see just what a great person she really is!! Thanks for holding them for us. Love RIGHT BACK AT YA!!<P> Hi Bob,<BR> Thanks for the congrats and Best Wishes brother... We'll take it slow as I/WE can. The rings, we've decided to stick with the old ones. My W said there is something really comforting about them now. I guess it wouldn't be fair to them NOT to use them since they hid so well at the pawn shop waiting to be rescued!! ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif) <BR> GOD BLESS YOU ALL AND THANKS<BR> GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS FRANK
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Frank,<P>I'm so happy for you!! Patience, perservance and God's grace!! Can't go wrong w/ that!<P>Keep your eyes focused, Frank. Pray for your wife and OM to break all ties. This is wonderful news! <P>God Bless,<BR>Cheryl<P>
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HI Cheryl,<BR> Yes it's truly a miracle!! It's really hard for her right now because OM is really laying o the guilt (see my other post) She KNOWS what she has to do but doesn't have the "heart" as of yet. THANKS GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS FRANK<P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom and PRAYER is why!!"
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Please Help<BR>Congrads, I am Very Happy for you, and I have never been on this thread before. I have only been married 6 years and live togeher for 3 before that. I wish so bad I was in your shoes, nothing would stop me from taking my wife back. I just have a feeling of Hoplessness. I have prayed to God so many times and he just isnt answering, I dont know why. He has a purpose for all of us and I guess me and my wife and 2 1/2 yr old are not in his plans. it is very disappointing. Sorry for raining on your parade here, It has been the longest 4 months of my life, along with my mother who is 76 and taking care of my 32yr old brother who is mentally retarded, now she has to deal with this, I feel so ashamed i couldnt keep my marriage together, and why god is putting her through more pain and agony I dont know and don't understand, I am not worried about myself, moreso her. Sorry for rambling on here, needed a little venting I guess. Once again, I am overjoyed for you Your miracle came in, its sounds like you worked hard also. Its nice to here something like this once and a while<P>God Bless<P>Daveyboy
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DAVEYBOY,<P><BR> Thanks for the kind words. ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif) Listen brother, I know what you are going through!! It may seem (and is in many many ways) a miracle, but it was also a LOT of hard work!! Let me say this, SEEK GOD FIRST! It is a miracle from GOD BUT, he expected me to LEARN and GROW to EARN it in a way. I know it feels like he's not with you but he is and he won't give you more than you can handle. He may however, give you AS MUCH and to the limit!! ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/frown.gif) <P> I know how desperate you feel. I slept for 1-2 hours a night and lost 40 lbs (which made me look like I had aids!!) I couldn't work or talk to people. It was horrible.<P> GOD is working for you I promise, he hates divorce!! BUT IT WILL BE IN "HIS" TIME. And if you could see the future you wouldn't want it any other way!! ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif) Use this time to GROW for YOU not her. READ READ READ, PRAY PRAY PRAY and mostly, don't react to her right now. She's confused. She is probably hurting as much as you but won't show it. Try and find out her needs and fill them. If you don't, even if she comes back there is little hope of it working in the long run. THIS CAN BE FIXED!! You mentioned there was no infidelity. I thought so in the beginning too, most of us did. <P> Read this post called "signs of an affair" <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/000985.htmlit" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/000985.htmlit</A> was a good one. Here is my email address if you want to vent one on one. darrt@prodigy.net I'd like to hear your story. Maybe I can help. I'm no expert but have had a LOT of good advice sent to me and certainly know what NOT to do from all the mistakes I made!! ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif) <P> GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS FRANK<BR><P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom and PRAYER is why!!"
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