Well, it's almost been a year since d-day (2/23). Thinking back on all the things that happened just last year has got me craving chocolate again? Of course, Valentines Day hasn't helped a bit and spring is right around the corner. No time to be gaining weight!!<P>Anyone else in the same boat? Any suggestions to keep me from eating all my kids chocolate kisses??

Hey Jen,<P>go and see Chocolat with Johnny Depp and Juliette Binoche. It's fabulous, and doesn't add an ounce!!!!<P>Although thinking about it, you've probably already seen it. It was only released here on the big screen over the weekend. We're a bit behind over here!!!!<P>Has the year made any difference to how you are feeling? At my one year anniversary, I still felt over-awed, angry, hopeful that he was coming home, etc etc.<P>It will be 2 years for me in May, and as they say, time really does heal. Now I just want to focus on my children, and co-parenting with him. No discussions about anything other than the children.<P>BTW - the chocolate police watch parents like you, taking all your poor kids' chocolates. What sort of mother do you call yourself............ tee hee........ the same as me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>take care of you<P>big hugs<P>Jo

Jo - <BR>I haven't seen that movie but I have heard it was great. I think I will try to see that this weekend with my girlfriends.<P>I have changed a lot over the last year. I wasn't angry very long. I understood we were both at blame for the end of our marriage. I was very hurt and devastated when all my dreams were shattered. I do look at the world differently now. I no longer wear rose colored glasses. I still don't know if I will ever fully trust someone again. Maybe 99% but just don't think I will ever be at 100% again. I don't ever want to be blindsided again.<P>I do wonder sometimes if he will ever want to come back. He has never once indicated that desire. And, I really know deep down that if he ever did say he wanted to try again and I agreed, the chances of it working or slim to none and I just don't think it would be fair to anyone to go down that road again and have it fall apart once again. We both admit that we still care a great deal for each other but really just as friends. Last year, before d-day, I didn't even get a valentine card from him or the kids. This year I got cards, candy and balloons from the kids and a bottle of wine and chocolates from him. He treats me better as a friend. We were terrible as husband and wife but we are great as friends and parents. Go figure.<P>As to the chocolate police, I hope they arrest me and put me in jail with only bread and water. <P>Jen<p>[This message has been edited by 711 (edited February 20, 2001).]

Jen,<P>You'll get a tickle out of this. My one year anniversary was Feb. 3rd (that was the day he moved out, anyway), so on that day I KNEW I'd feel kinda wierd. It happened to fall on a Saturday, so I planned a mini-vacation to western Colorado, for a change of scenery, and I took the kids with me for their company. We ended up having a pretty good time, and I ended up learning that I can either dwell on the past or think of it and then look to the future. <P>I chose to write one good, long letter to MYSELF about all of the things I've learned this year, good and bad. Some of it was naturally sad, but most of it was actually quite strengthening. I got through the weekend and I even managed to come out of it feeling pretty strong.<P>Right around this time, my H suddenly opened his eyes one day, and we started talking about reconciling. Well, blow me over with a feather. We started to discuss whether we wanted to try or not, what would be "requirements", etc. <P>Lo and behold, a few days later was the whole Valentine's Day thing, and I felt awash with memories of last years' V-day. I don't know about you, but I like to make a bit of a production out of holidays, so I was feeling bummed about another "quiet" V-day, and the folks here on this forum suggested that I lavish the love on the kids. Good idea! I sent them a couple cards each, got them little presents and candy, and we decorated the house together. Eventually, even the hubby got into it and made us (our whole family) a nice steak dinner for the day. The thing I learned from this is that although my heart very much WANTED a romantic, reconciling Valentine's Day, and I felt disappointed that it didn't occur, I can share my love with other people: my children, my family, and my friends. AND if I want to feel loved and appreciated and warm and smooshy, I need to give my love away. Last but not least, if I want a little bit of a production, I can make the production myself.<P>That's what I recommend to you. In summary, don't dwell on the past--remember it and look to the future. Write yourself a good, long letter about what you've learned this year--good and bad, happy and sad--and you'll feel stronger. Be brave enough to DO things you don't think you have the strength to do. Share your love with people, don't wait for them to share it with you. And most important of all, if you want to eat some chocolate, buy yourself one big, velvety red heart of chocolate and make a production out of it! If you're going to eat chocolate, buy a limited quantity AND enjoy every slow, luscious bite!<P>{{{{{{{{{{Jen}}}}}}}}}}<P><BR>CJ<P>P.S. Our anniversary date is coming up soon. Do they have chocolates for that?<BR><P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Thanks CJ, I will do just that!!<P>

(((((((((((((Jen)))))))))))))<P>(((((((((((((CJ)))))))))))))<P><BR>Ladies, they have boxed chocolates year round. I spent a few months working at a very up-scale card shop last year. And we carried GOOD chocolates (boxed and individually ) year round . And don't forget the Godiva shoppes in the malls. <P>Easter is coming. Big candy season.<P>Ladies, start your engines, go out there, and treat yourselves . Unless you plan on wearing your swimsuits this summer.

711,<P>My ex often treated his friends better than he did me in some ways. He was much more tolerant, forgiving, and understanding with his friends. I suppose he knew he had to be on good behavior with his friends because they wouldn't take it. <P>With friends, there is no real commitment, nothing really to lose. I mean, sure I'd be hurt if one of my friends betrayed me, but it is not like I've committed my life to them, like I did my ex.

Well, a friend of mine has bought a boat so I probably will need to wear a swimsuit this year. Yikes! The thought of being in a bathing suit still scares me. I used to be able to eat chocolate and then run my little heart out. Now, with this aging thing going on, I can barely run anymore because of my hamstring. So, I will just savor my chocolate very slowly as CJ suggested. Kind of like dating. Take it real slow and it might not have detrimental side effects.<P>Ok - I'm feeling a little better now. I plan to take Friday off (d-day) and write all about this last year. It has been quite the year in many ways.<P>TS: My x was always the nicest guy with everyone but me. I used to say if he only treated me like his friends we would get along great. Of course, that goes both ways. I wasn't the sweetest thing around either. Looking back, we were both so self-centered and immature. Divorce sure does make you grow up real fast!

{{{{{{{{{JEN}}}}}}}}}}}<BR>{{{{{{{{{CJ}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Hi ladies, I was craving chocolate too (what a wonderful time for the force of nature to kick in!). I got a box of chocolate for vday and some other gifts, but guess what, the chocolate is gone!<P>I figure,I might as well wait til March to start worrying. No major holidays, d-days, serving divorce paper days, (you remember that was my gift LAST year, I thought I was getting flowers delivered!).<P>To CJ, I am hoping to hear a happy ending, I'll try to get around here more often and be more posted on things! GOOD LUCK!!!!<P>Hugs, Dana<P>

I was sitting in a group one time - a few months after what'shisname left and we were talking about prayer needs. I brought up the turmoil with which I was not coping well. One man in the group, who knew what'shisname, also known as doofus, said "I don't get it. He seems like such a nice fellow. This makes no sense to me." Another man, who does a LOT of wonderful things for a lot of people and who, along with his wife, had been wonderful helpers to another woman in our church, said "But that's normal. These guys develop something like a split personality."<P>Talk about making me feel better. To have a man understand that I wasn't nuts for thinking I was dealing with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.<P>Anyway, I vote for chocolate too. I think it may be a hormone thing for me. At least I can blame it on hormone's, can't I? It doesn't have to be stress, does it?

Cinderella: Maybe the secret is to not get married. Just stay really good friends with men. Then they will treat us as well as everyone else.<P>Back to the chocolate, I just came across some chocolate covered spoons that I got from my X MIL. They are all different flavors and you use them to stir your coffee. Yummy and only a little bit of chocolate so I don't fee too bad about it. Of course, I also knawed off a little of my kids giant chocolate kiss again. Can't wait till that is gone.<P>I went out running this morning, hurt hamstring and all. I just can't stand this. It has been bothering me for so long. I don't think it is ever really going to heal so I am just going to run through the pain now. Just like everything else.<P>CJ - I've been thinking about your situation quite a bit. Keep us informed of the status. I'm about to check out your post again.<P><BR>Dana: Hey girl. I'll be talking to you later.<P>Jen<BR>

Hey Jen!!! <P>Your anniversary and mine are on the same day! Bring on the Chocolate! (Valentine's Day and easter always kill my diet... those bunnies look much better without ears, don't ya think?)<P>I plan to go out on the town on Friday night... I'm meeting a friend for dinner, drinks and then we are going to a popular dance club here (my knee is feeling better, and I might just be able to manage a few slow dances). We talked about what the date means to me (now it's... FREEDOM), and we are going to make some new and very good memories! Fun Fun Fun! And, this will be our first "major" date... something besides just meeting for dinner that is. <P>Anyway... bring on the chocolate... does the broken cookie rule apply to broken chocolate too? Ya know... all the calories fall out of the crack? <P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Big Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR>B<BR>

Hello Butterfly:<P>Yeah, I think the broken cookie rule applies to chocolate too. I just broke it all up into little pieces. Now, I'm really enjoying it guilt free. <P>So, we have the same d-day! Yuck!! I'm also going out on Friday night. I'm going to just live it up and celebrate what the years ahead have in store for me.<P>Now, if I am not mistaken, weren't you not going to date for this entire year????? Of course, I wasn't going to date either but that didn't last long for me. I'm a sucker for a good looking guy with money. And before I get flamed for that, I know it takes much more than that to have a successful relationship but it's a good start. <P>Jen<p>[This message has been edited by 711 (edited February 22, 2001).]

Jen....<BR>Nope, not me! I never said I wouldn't date for a whole year.... I just finally started being "ready" to really date again a couple of months ago though. <P>I was however waiting a full year before doing anything with the rings.... I bought a pendant with a cz in it, and I'm going to take it to the jewler this weekend and have my diamond put in it. And have the other stuff melted down and have a gold butterfly pin made. Since I chose butterfly as my name because of all the changes I've been through, I felt that would be the best thing to do with them. A small gold butterfly with diamond chips in the wings.... flying off to newer, better and bigger things! <P>Pass me a few of those chocolate pieces.... please! <P>Smooches,<BR>B

Butterfly:<P>Sorry, the chocolate is all mine! Just kidding.<P>It must have been Bonnet that said a year.<BR>I know somebody did.<P>In any event, I hope that you have a fun night on Friday. I will be thinking of you on that day.<P>Jen<P><p>[This message has been edited by 711 (edited February 21, 2001).]

MMM. Three days before my divorce was final (November), I was making cookies dipped in chocolate for a wedding. I had to melt chocolate on the stove. Something happened to make me cry, and I sat on the couch watching Will and Grace spooning gobs of melted chocolate into my mouth until it was almost all gone. Needless to say, I needed to make more chocolate sauce. Done the same thing with chocolate icing. Still the same weight. I guess you have to eat other stuff throughout the day in order to gain weight.<P>BTW, 711: What happened with the guy from your church?

Guys at church? You mean to tell me someone has guys at their church? I gotta see this!

I have incorporated chocolate into all the healthy stuff I try and do ... Chocolate-lovers EAS Myoplex shakes. Chocolate PowerBars and CLIF bars. Chocolate Tofutti. The real thing? I hardly eat so much as a chocolate-chip cookie. If I could still find it, I'd probably buy that Canfield's <I>diet</I> Chocolate Fudge Soda. <p>[This message has been edited by Sisyphus (edited February 22, 2001).]

Well, chocolate is just so therapuetic, ya know! I just finished off one of my kids giant chocolates kisses, and just have one more to go. Luckily, they said I could have them. <P>I just came home from counseling and my therapist said it is natural to relive everything again when an anniversary hits of a major event. That I am just going through all the same emotions again and this will probably only last a few days or weeks. I hope I don't gain back all my weight during this reliving experience. So far, I have only put on 2 pounds out of the 20 I lost over the last year. So, I guess that is a good thing. <P>As to the guy at the church, I am still going out with him. We have been dating for about 6 weeks now but haven't agreed to be exclusive. I am still not ready for that. He says he understands and still would like to date. So, that is what we are doing. I do like him quite a bit and he does have many of the qualities I am looking for in a man but I know it is way too early for me to being getting serious again. I need to keep things in proper perspective this time around. I want to really get to know him before I get too involved this time around.

Jen,<BR>Just wanted to pop in and let you know I'm thinking about you today. How are the giant chocolate kisses holding out? <P>I'm still ready to go party tonight... What a difference a year makes! I went to my parents for lunch today (same thing I did a year ago), but this time I wasn't crying and an emotional wreck. I'm looking forward to what life holds for me, and where I am headed.<P>Hope your day is a happy one!<BR>Smooches,<BR>Dawnetta<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>